Day 24 – January 24th, 2017

Today was such a good day!!!!! First of all, I won a battle with myself in the morning – I woke up and was this close to not going to my tutorial, because my bed is a seductive siren that doesn’t ever want me to leave it. And it almost won, but then I realized I would regret it and I somehow managed to get out of bed, which is a huge victory for the start of my day. Then at tutorial, I got back my marks for my essay and my exam. When I saw the marks, my eyes nearly popped out of their sockets – I aced BOTH. I got 90 percent on both my exam AND my essay!!!! MY FIRST EVER A’S IN THE HISTORY OF MY UNIVERSITY EXPERIENCE.

No words could express how immensely proud I was, and am, of myself. I had to sit down to really take it in, and I nearly cried in happiness. It was just such an absolutely euphorically amazing feeling. Side note – he’s still the first person who jumps into my mind when these big huge accomplishments come my way. I just keep imagining how proud he would have been of me. I mean, I’m proud of myself and it’s enough, it really is – but still. I told my cousins, and although they were so happy and encouraging, it just didn’t feel the same. Maybe one day, he won’t be that first person anymore. We’ll see.

Anyways! I’m well on my way to taking good and proper care of myself the way I should have a long time ago! I’m taking care of me in an emotional and mental health way through my counselor, and now in a physical health way with my new family doctor. I’m so proud of myself. Honestly though, the difference loving yourself makes in life… I don’t know, like I have no words to describe the significance. I’m so much happier, lighter, freer, confident and secure. I get less instances of anxiety and worry. It’s just so incredible, the difference it can make.

I will never, ever, ever, ever put myself down again. I will never, ever leave myself on the ground when life gets hard, abandon myself, or lose faith in myself. I know it’s easier said than done because of the “mean girl” that lives inside of all of us – but for now, I’ve managed to put a muzzle on her and life has become a thousand times better. I will only push myself to greatness, rather than ripping into myself and being my own worst critic.

I am human. I will fail. I will make mistakes. But, I will also forgive myself. I will accept myself for every single one of my “flaws” – actually, I won’t even perceive things as flaws. I am exactly who I am meant to be, and I will love every inch of myself for it. I made myself a little mantra there, a solemn swear to myself. I never want to forget this vow.

I am so, so incredibly proud of myself and I will never tire of saying it. I love you me! You’re so smart, and so capable, and beautiful, and happy, and that’s all I could ever want for you.

Love,

Me.

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