Day 32 – February 1st, 2017

Welcome February! The second month of 2017 has officially begun. I took a bit of a sick day to myself today – my flu symptoms don’t seem to be alleviating, much to my chagrin. However, resting up really helped so I’m glad that I did that for myself.

I have a problem. I don’t know what I want. I mean, I know I want to help people. I know I want to make a career of that. But how? What pathway is right for me, time-efficient AND will guarantee me financial security through a steady career? I want to have a career within the next 5-6 years of my life. I know that time frames don’t always work that way but I don’t want to still be in school by the time I’m approaching 30. I want to be working on settling into my life by that time.

So how do I go about getting my education and a career in the most time-efficient way possible? There’s just so much to consider, and while I don’t want to stress myself out by putting myself on a clock, I still can’t help but feel like time is ticking. I need to take a moment to really ask myself – what do I want for my life? What do I see myself doing? How can I make a difference, but also maintain a career that brings joy to my life?

In the end, it’s MY life, not anyone else’s. People can offer me their insight, guidance, opinions, advice, but when it comes down to it, the choice is mine because I’m the one who has the live with the results/consequences of my decisions. That being the case, I need to make the decisions that are right for me. I’m not going to approach this in stress or with a fear of the future, the way I used to. I know that no matter what I end up deciding to do, it will be right for me and that I will find a way to be successful.

I’m not worried. I know that I have what it takes. I finally truly believe in myself, after so long of doubting. I am here to help me, to hold my own hand and bring myself along to where I must go. I will encourage me, support myself, and when things go wrong, I will not shame myself or call myself inadequate. I will pick myself up off the ground, give myself a hug, and try again. I will take care of myself so that one day, I can take care of my family. This, I vow to myself now.

It took me so long to get this to this place of self-love, and I never, ever want to leave it. Anyways, that’s about it for now! I’ll probably write tomorrow’s log sometime after my shift, as I did today. Here’s hoping that I find what I’m looking for! I’m sure that I will. What’s truly important is that I’m looking, searching for these answers because more than anything, I want to have a plan that I can stick to. I’ll get there, I know I will.

Love,

Me.

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