Day 35 – February 4th, 2017

Hello! I had a pretty great day today! It doesn’t even feel like a Saturday, actually. It feels more like a weekday. So today was a small gala at work, but I wasn’t going to let the pressure from the management get to me, because in all honesty, I don’t really care about their sales numbers. I mean, I care about my job and what not, but I’m not really into that whole “corporation” mind scheme of things. Meh.

Anyways, I had fun – Luna and Sage were in, and we went for break and Luna obviously had me dying the entire time. And then later in the afternoon, just before I left, Dylan came in so I saw him briefly.

I kind of stayed back in the department because I didn’t want to hover near him or whatever (despite Luna’s attempts to get me to where he was – she’s so funny). We did talk briefly, but his counter manager sent him back before we could talk more.

Anyways, I had to leave shortly after he came, but before I left, we talked about how his birthday was coming up and I told him tomorrow’s lunch would be a birthday/travel lunch in honour of the occasion. I’m actually seriously considering getting him a cupcake with a candle, but I don’t know if that would be excessive or cute. We’ll see! If anything, his lunch will be my treat (if he actually lets me… I know how stubborn he can be!) Tomorrow should be quite interesting, and I’m sure it’ll be fun. It’s never a dull moment when it comes to my department!

Oddly enough, seeing Nick on Monday hasn’t been on my mind as much as I thought it would be. I’m not as anxious or nervous as I expected to be. Am I in shock? No, that’s not it. Hmm. Am I in denial? I don’t think so. I think it’s just something I want to keep out of my mind until I actually have to deal with it. I’ll be writing about it in tomorrow’s log I’m sure, in mental preparation.

I think I’m scared to have any expectations whatsoever. Because, I’m a generally positive and hopeful person and if it goes as badly as it could go, I know I’m going to be disappointed. But I mean, it is what it is. We broke up. I broke up with him. If he’s resentful, different, distant, detached, I don’t know, any of those things or all of them, then that’s just the way things are going to be. It’s almost as though I’m dealing with an entirely different person than I was with in my relationship.

The fact of the matter is, things are different now. When it comes down to it, no matter what happens between us, at least for myself I can say that I know that I tried, with all my heart, to be friends. That, that’s what I wanted most of all and I did my part to fight for it. In that sense, I won’t have any regrets.

But anyways, we’ll see day after tomorrow, hmm? But before that, I’m looking forward to what tomorrow has to offer. Should be one heck of a day, that’s for sure! Until then,

Love,

Me.

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