Day 36 – February 5th, 2017

Hi. Hehe. I’m currently smiling from ear to ear at the moment. If I could attach a picture of my gigantic goofy smile to this log, I totally would, but I’ll just have to settle for my own description of it. Why am I smiling like this, you ask? Well… Today was just absolutely fantastically amazingly great!

When I got to work, Luna was already waiting there with a giant grin on her face, which made me instantly die of laughter. I put my jacket away and headed back upstairs. I made my way around and said hi to everyone, and then Paula had an impromptu meeting with us. Anyways, after that, we dispersed and I went into the other department.

Dylan came over to say hi, and he gave me such a nice long hug. Ah, I love hugs. I love being held for those brief moments. I just love all kinds of physical affection, I always will. After that, we were kind of doing our own thing because he had to be at the front of the department and I was hovering around the back. But then around 1:30, we left to lunch.

In the excitement of things, I forgot my phone with my debit card in it back at the department, which put a dent in my cupcake plans, but that’s okay! Everything happens for a reason, so maybe the whole candle thing would have been too excessive.

Either way, Luna offered to grab us lunch for she and I to split, which was really nice. She went into line and I grabbed our seats, and after Dylan grabbed his sandwich he came back to join us. But Luna was still in line, which left Dylan and I on our own.

In all honesty, it was totally okay! He and I talked about my allergy reaction, my lack thereof since, his upcoming birthday, the fact that he has an exam tomorrow morning and through the week so he won’t be celebrating it the way he wanted to, his birthday celebration last year, how he wanted to go to Thailand but couldn’t because his friend bailed out last second, a whole bunch of stuff.

The conversation flowed smoothly, and once again I swear his eye contact is just, out of this world intense. He’s really easy to talk to, which I love. I’d like to think that I’m pretty easy to talk to myself, but I mean sometimes I don’t know what to say, in all honesty. But with him, so far, so good.

Lunch went really nicely, with no crazy hiccups this time hehe. We talked a tiny bit about travel, about stuff in the department, food, whatever else. When we went back, we ended up talking to Luna and Daniella about government tests that you get paid from and they told us about their experiences with them, which was funny.

It somehow ended up that we talked about donating blood, which I can’t do since I’m tatted. And he was surprised, because he hadn’t known that, and he realized that he couldn’t either because he had just recently got one too. It was on his upper back, so I had to pull down his shirt a little to see it more clearly, (hehe).

It was really nicely detailed, a baseball with wings that just spread across his upper back. I showed him all of my tattoos, and we ended up getting into like a half hour long conversation about tattoos, the pain of tattoos, our future tattoo’s, you name it. He showed me where his hurt the most by touching the top part of my shoulder near my neck (swoon).

It was actually really interesting hearing about all of his future tattoo ideas! He’s really into nature, and also into a boxing quote that resonated with him. He told me that he felt that we were close enough for him to tell me the real meaning of his baseball tattoo, which made my heart warm a little.

Into the conversation, he was telling me about a piece that his friend is about to get, and wanted to show me a picture, but his friend wasn’t responding with it. So, he asked for my number so that he could show me later (SO. SMOOTH.) I hope I rearranged my facial expression as he looked up after adding it, because I was smiling at how smoothly he went about asking for it.

Anyways, he had to leave after our conversation so he said goodbye to everyone else first and saved our goodbye for last (SO CUTE!) and I wished him happy birthday. Now, we’ve kind of been texting about tattoo stuff here and there, but that’s about it! I’ll send him a text tomorrow wishing him a happy birthday and stuff.

Listening him to him talk about particular things, I’m still so blown away by his demeanor and his maturity. He just seems so self-aware, and for that age it’s so impressive to me. He has the maturity of someone my age, basically. And he has the cutest laugh, I just. I can’t. Sigh. We have a four year age gap, but mentally it doesn’t seem that way. We’re pretty intellectually compatible, and there’s definitely some chemistry there. I love that we can talk as openly as we do. And he’s genuinely such a nice guy.

I’m not saying I want anything to happen, but… I don’t think I’d be completely against the idea of it either. But, I definitely like more than anything that our friendship is developing first. He’s going to be working again next weekend, and he said he’d lend me The Alchemist, which is his favourite book. (I wonder if he’ll remember).

Luna’s telling me to play it cool and not chase him, so I’ll try to be as chill as I can be. I’m not used to the whole “dating game”, I’ve been out of it for basically 6 years LOL. Either way, I have to put a clamp on my heart because it loves this stuff and right now, I’m supposed to be focusing on me, myself and I. I feel my heart is like this eager little puppy and right now I have a leash on her and I’m yelling “HEEL, HEEL!” I know she means well, but I can’t go falling for a guy literally one month out of my three year relationship. I have way too many things I have to do for myself before I can bring anyone into my life again.

And, I’ve heard from Luna that he’s also said himself that he needs to figure some of his own stuff out before he can start dating too. So in a way, I think we’re both safe from pursuing that since we both know what we want from ourselves first. Which is a bit of a relief in all honesty, because I would never want to lead him on.

Anyways, that’s the gist of my amazing day! It’s Sunday and I swear these weeks are literally just flying by – it feels like just yesterday I was writing my last Sunday log. And tomorrow… well, tomorrow is the day I see Nick again, for the first time since we broke up over a month ago.

Honestly, our breakup is becoming more and more of a distant ghost with every day that passes. But time does that. What’s going to happen tomorrow? I don’t know. It could be a total awkward weird disaster where we decide to never see each other again. I’m definitely going to do my best to be as normal and genuine and friendly as possible. Basically, I’m just going to be myself and hope for the best.

I’m scared to have any kinds of expectations towards tomorrow because I don’t want to disappoint myself. I’ve been idealistically hoping for a friendship, but I need to realize that that could very well not happen, despite how close we were during our relationship. I need to be prepared for that possibility, and I’m not quite sure how to be, in all honesty. I’ll just let things happen as they do, and go from there. Like he said, it’s a process, and we’re learning as we go.

Anyways, I’ll write tomorrow after everything happens! Wish me luck!

Love,

Me.

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