Day 40 – February 9th, 2017

Hi, hi! Where do I even begin?

So, today turned out a lot different than I could have expected, if I had expectations for it of course. I found out that my raise request got denied, but that it’s still in the process of being fought for. I don’t know, that sounds like company talk to me, so we’ll see. I may actually have to start looking for a new job, which makes me sad. I’m not ready to leave yet. But, I can’t live off of this pay anymore.

On a happier note – so today, I messaged Nick about the whole movie thing, and he ended up telling me he wanted to watch it alone, which is totally cool. But then, he asked me if I was working, to which I replied that I was but I was almost done. And then, he asked me if I wanted to go for coffee! So, I agreed, and he ended up meeting me at work. Actually, he walked straight into my department, much to my surprise and amusement.

The whole coffee thing went really well. We didn’t seem awkward at all this time, he seemed much more relaxed and at ease with me today. We caught up more in detail – he told me about an interview he had for a hospital he had yesterday which he thought he got but didn’t, he explained in detail what his new internship would entail, and how often he would be there.

He talked more about the restaurant, and about his family, like how his dad might have diabetes. I told him about my raise being denied, and about my thought process of deciding between my programs. We talked about movies that just came out, and I explained all of La La Land to him in the hopes that he would actually watch it, LOL. I don’t think he will though, because he said it would make him sad.

My coworkers were very curious and warned me to be careful with my feelings and what not, but in all honesty – I’ve realized something. People can’t fathom being friends with the people they were in love with because they’re not emotionally capable of separating their relationship feelings from their friend feelings.

I’m not saying I’m this amazingly perfect person with a superhuman capacity to compartmentalize, BUT; if I do say so myself, I’ve always been pretty in tune with my emotions. I’ve always been good with compartmentalizing. I knew, from before, that I wanted this friendship badly enough to put my feelings away. That that would be the only way to make a new friendship work. So, that is what I focused, and am still focusing, on doing. Of course I’m happy that we’re talking again.

Am I going to be dependent on our friendship? No. I have people in my life that I’m dependent on, not to mention I’m now learning how to depend on myself, which was my original intention with the decision I made to end our relationship. I know that things are not going to be the same, I’m very much aware of that fact.

So far, things have been pretty good. I know it’s not going to be this easy all the time – we’re going to come across times where things get a little tricky. But, I’m hoping that we’ll be honest and straightforward with each other, and communicate as openly as we used to. Because honesty and communication are important to making ANY kind of relationship work, and this new friendship is still a relationship of its own kind.

Anyways! I have work tomorrow, but late so I get to sleep in. I think I shall head to bed now, I’m pretty sure I can hear it calling my name. I really, really need to start packing/shopping for my Hawaii trip!!!! There’s only like 11 full days left until I leave – I DON’T KNOW HOW TIME PASSED SO QUICKLY! AHHHHH! I’ll dedicate Sunday to getting myself organized, because I think I’m off. I’M SO EXCITED! Off to bed for me now!

Love,

Me.

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