Day 41 – February 10th, 2017

Hello! So, I had a meeting with my manager today and she explained exactly why I wasn’t going to get my raise, and how it’s not even guaranteed to happen unless I pick up in my contributions to the company. It was a little disheartening, but that’s the reality of the situation. I’m expendable, really. And if I don’t start excelling, and doing more than what I do now, I won’t get it at all.

I need to think about what I want to do. I love working at the where I work, in all honesty. It works really well with my schedule, I can still go to school, it’s accessible, and I get paid vacations. I don’t get paid as much as I should, but in all honesty, my spending habits could be better. I think I can try to pull through for another 3 to 4 months. It won’t take much for me to really do “well” according to their standards, in all honesty. I hate the idea of having to care more about this job than I do right now, because I don’t, but I do want to stay and I do want a raise. So, let’s see what I can do.

I haven’t done an emotional check-in with myself in a little while! How am I feeling today, and these days?

Well, things have been a bit nuts with Nick slowly making his way back into my life again. I mean, I think I’ve been dealing with things pretty well, and he’s been totally respectful and maintains the boundaries that our new-found friendship entails. We don’t talk too often, but when we do it’s purely platonic.

Do I miss him? Yeah, I guess. I miss being in a relationship, I wasn’t made to be single, LOL. I’m good at being in relationships and I enjoy them thoroughly. But, I know I had to do this for myself. So that my next relationship will be as healthy as it can possibly be, since I will be more mentally and emotionally stable. We’ll see how things go I guess!

I was listening to a co-worker today tell me the origin story of her new boyfriend and it was actually really nice. I love seeing people at their happiest, and really, how often do people get to talk about the things that make them so insanely happy to people who actually want to listen? Plus, I love a good origin story.

Hearing it also made me a little melancholy for what I once had. I used to have butterflies, and chemistry, and attraction, and all of those things with him, despite being with him for three years. I wonder if I could ever reclaim that with someone else. Anyways, I’m just thinking out loud now.

I’m well into day 42 territory so I think I shall bring this log to a close. I’ll write after my shift tomorrow. TEN MORE DAYS UNTIL I LEAVE TO HAWAII! I need sun, sand and tropical weather, stat. I CAN’T WAIT!

Love,

Me.

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