Day 65 – March 6th, 2017

Today, I showed myself just exactly how I can take any ordinary day, and make it extraordinary.

Let’s begin with the start! So, I woke up super-duper early and made it to class, and I’m glad I did – today we covered horror, so it was a pretty interesting lecture! I’m glad I made it.

I went home afterwards, watched a couple episodes of Community, ate some food and then got ready for work! That’s when things began to happen, one after the other.

As I got to work, Alycia posted in our group a screen shot from Instagram of Nick’s – it was a plane ticket to Cayo Coco. I had no idea!! Well, obviously I wouldn’t have seeing as we haven’t spoken in like a month. Nonetheless, without a second thought, I DM’d him as I made my way to work. I told him how exciting that was, and that I just wanted to wish him a safe trip and hoped that he had a lot of fun.

I just wanted to wish him well! Because I knew, God forbid if anything happened to him on the plane or while he’s away, I would have regretted so much not saying anything at all. I feel good now, knowing that I at least said something of good substance to him before he left the country.

I really do want him to be happy. I hope that he finds what he’s looking for, even the things he doesn’t even realize he’s searching for. I hope he learns more about himself, lets loose, has a ton of fun and does whatever he wants for himself. He’s not my person anymore. He was never SUPPOSED to be “my” person, to begin with – we should have just been two people in a relationship together. What he does or doesn’t do is really not my business anymore. All I can do is hope that he’s happy, where ever he may go or whatever he may do. And that’s that.

Right after that, Ryan sent me this piece he wrote… about “maktub”, which I JUST got as a tattoo last night. If that isn’t a sign from the universe, I don’t know what is! Everything really IS written. And now that I’m really listening to the world, I’m starting to see how everything connects. Nothing is coincidence. Everything is meant to happen as it does.

I mentioned that I was feeling a little agitated a couple logs ago because I felt that autonomous boredom creeping up on me, of everyday life. Well! I decided to spice things up a bit.

I wanted so badly to text Dylan about my tattoo because we talked about it so much, but the little voice of… doubt? Anxiety? Was trying to talk me out of it. But really though, what was the worst thing that could happen? He didn’t reply? Or replied one word? Or got creeped out? But, the world is telling me that’s just not the kind of guy he is. Granted, I don’t know him super well and people can surprise you. But right now? My gut is telling me this guy is different.

So I went to Diego and asked him for some super vague advice about how guys feel about girls texting them first. He asked for a little context, which I provided, and then all of a sudden, he was like “do I know them?” which took me by surprise a little. I could have easily said no, but I trust Diego, so I told him who I was talking about. And he KNEW!

He said that I have this look about me when I talk to him, like I seem to just melt. And my eyes get all vibrant and happy. He said I wasn’t being obvious about it though – just that it was obvious to him because he picks up on that kind of stuff.

He also commended Dylan on being such an amazing guy, like too good. Which was really nice to hear actually, to see that other people recognize in him what I see myself.

He then told me that any guy I decided to text would only be so lucky. And that if I wanted something, then I should just go for it. And he’s right! Dylan’s a really great guy. I get that I’m not looking to throw myself into a relationship right now, but I can’t pass up an opportunity to get to know someone as amazing as he is to me, thus far.

I like him. I don’t quite know how or when it happened per se, be it the super intense conversations we had or how everyone knows how good of a person he is or just the fact that he had a mother like Sera raise him, I can’t pinpoint it. It’s just a whole combination of a lot of good things.

So yeah, I think it’s only fair if I make a little bit of effort on my part too. So, with that in mind, I sat behind my counter, garnered my courage, and texted him.

I told him about how much I loved the Alchemist, about the part that really hit me, and then showed him a picture of my tattoo. And he loved it! He even asked how the trip was, which led to a brief conversation about it and I told him I had a lot of stories to tell him. (Yes, I purposely left it at that as a set up.)

And he got it! He said next time he worked, we should go to lunch cause he wanted to hear it all. Now, I don’t quite know if he meant just lunch with me or lunch with me, him AND Luna, but it’s a start! I would actually love if Luna came too because she’s funny and a good buffer, and I’m not too sure if I’m ready for one on one yet, despite our amazing conversations.

I also asked if he was coming to St. Patrick’s still, but that’s a little iffy now. Nonetheless, he’ll be working on the 15th and so am I! So I’ll be seeing him then. I mentioned that I have to bring him his gift too, in the chillest way I could muster, and that’s where the conversation has left off.

I need to be more confident in myself! Not because it’s attractive to other people; it is, but because I DESERVE to be! I’m a good person, I love people and talking to people, and I’m a generally happy person all around. People like me too! (Not that that matters, of course). I love myself, and alongside that self-love should come self-confidence too. No more self-doubt.

Anyways, that’s exactly how I made an ordinary day extraordinary. Now, I have lots to look forward to for next week. And, I was so, so brave and did something quite unlike what used to be my nature. I need to do this more often!

I don’t know what’s going to happen or what the future holds for me. All I know is that, it’s written. What’s meant for me will come. But, I do have to put my will out into the universe as well. When I speak to the universe, the universe will conspire to help me get to where I need to. It can’t do everything on its own. I have to put in the efforts too.

I’m so, so incredibly proud of myself and how far I’ve come. I still have ways to go, but I really have come so far. I will never stop saying that, or acknowledging how proud of myself I am.

I’ll write tomorrow after I get home. Here’s to making any ordinary day into one that’s absolutely amazing! Each day has the capacity to be so much more than what it is – it’s up to US to make it so!

Love, tons of love and energy and positivity, always,

Me.

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