Hello! I got a little lazy yesterday so I decided to combine both logs of today. Before I begin though, I just texted Dylan, LOL. And I suppose on paper it doesn’t seem like a big deal but, these things used to have to overthinking everything and used to bring me anxiety but I’m so proud of how far I’ve come in regards to that. Nearly gone is the me who was afraid of everything, nearly gone is the me who expected the worst and expected rejection. Nearly gone is the me who feared rejection.
Who’s left now? Someone who knows and understands that life can’t happen unless you’re willing to make it happen, and accept all the things that can follow as a result. Someone who’s tired of going along with life instead of working alongside the universe to manifest the things that I want for myself.
And yes, I am basing all of this off of being able to send a simple text, but it’s in the little things that show me how far I’ve really come.
My heart is still a little scared because society’s teachings are still there ingrained in me – but I’m working hard on getting rid of them. Especially the insecurities it’s managed to instill as a result, all the “rules” I’m supposed to follow. But I’m an adult now. I have to make my own rules.
Anyways! Back to yesterday – so I went to work for about four hours, and it was pretty fun and a very quick shift. Before I left, Sera told me something quite interesting. She was like, she wasn’t sure if he had told me yet, but that Dylan wanted me to have his copy of The Alchemist. Taken aback, I told her that as sweet as that was, that I couldn’t accept! But she assured me that he was intending to buy me a copy of the book anyhow, so that’s why he wanted me to keep it.
I couldn’t stop the mega-watt smile that spread across my face as I bade both her and Luna goodbye and went on my way. I told her I would have a word with him about it, (hence why I’ve texted because I intend to bring it up). I kind of want to keep it, because it’s probably one of the sweetest gifts anyone could ever give me, but also I kind of feel bad because he’s going to have to buy another copy and they’re pretty pricey.
He’s so thoughtful, but even now a part of me is still slightly disbelieving. And it has nothing to do with him – it’s just everything I’ve been through. I hate to think that the world and my experiences have conditioned me to be wary or mistrustful, because I’ve always been someone full of hope and positivity. I’ll always try my hardest to see the best in someone, despite how much trouble it’s gotten me into. I guess a part of myself has just gotten a little realistic too, is all.
Still going to go with the flow though! No expectations, no plans. Whatever is meant to happen, will happen. And, I’ll do what I can to follow the omens and signs I see too. I’m listening, I really am. I’m trying my best to stay in tune with the universal language of the universe. I know it’s there. I won’t ever forsake it, or what my heart tries to tell me, ever again.
After this, instead of autonomously watching yet another movie or show on my laptop, I’m going to curl up and re-read the book that has brought even more awareness into my life, the book that made my travels ten times more meaningful than it could have ever been.
So, back to yesterday. I came home, I cooked a little while listening to music, then I watched the finale of TVD (goodbye TVD, I shall miss you). After that, I watched Ella Enchanted and Bend it like Beckham with Natasha, and then we went to sleep.
Today, (Day 73, Tuesday, March 14th), I slept in because there was supposed to be some huge snow storm (didn’t really happen) so that was nice. I got a really good rest. Later, Marilyn asked me to call her and she told me some really sad news about her sister (wishing her nothing but light, love, positivity and a speedy recovery). It feels good to be there for the people in my life. Honestly, if I can find some way to help people in life, genuinely help people, my life will feel so utterly fulfilled.
I watched another movie, and here I am now, typing this log away.
Tomorrow, I have an off-site training which I’m looking forward to cause we always get a little something. And then day after that, after my shift, we’ll be on our way to Waterloo!!! I can’t wait!! Much needed mini get away with some of my favourite people.
He just texted back, and my hands are all sweaty now LOL. He’s scheduled for the morning, which means I’ll only see him for a few brief minutes. But that’s just how it was meant to happen, I suppose. That’s okay!
I’ll still give him his gift and say hi before I go. Maybe I’ll even come in a little earlier so he and I can talk for a bit… hehe.
Literally everything in me is yelling at me to calm down, tone it down, relax and chill out. I don’t know how to do that! I mean, why am I so nervous? This guy is four years younger than me (albeit very mature for is age), but chances are he’s not freaking out the way that I am. We’re friends, this is fine, totally normal, nothing more to it. Relax. All is good. All is well. Channel your inner Luna and be an irresistible sexy goddess, not a nervous nerd.
Okay, I’m good. I’m good.
I’m going to leave it at that for now, and read the books that lie beside this laptop in the living room, away from all my technology.
Looking forward to the rest of this week!