Day 104, 105, 106, 107 – April 14th, 15th, 16th, and 17th

Soooo.. this may be the longest I’ve gone without writing any logs, since I’ve began this document. But, honestly, the Niagara weekend was so jam packed full of things to do, that it actually slipped my mind! At least this way, I can write one long log as to what happened this weekend to the best of my ability. Also, I do need to note that it is now Monday, April 17th, 2017, and I am sitting at home. I was outside earlier, enjoying the lovely weather we’ve been having by re-reading some recent logs so that I could refresh my memory as to what I’ve written about and what I haven’t.

Okay so! Niagara weekend! Friday, April 14th – my dad dropped me off at Mississauga and we went on our merry way to Niagara! The road-trip part was fun – I played music on my phone and we danced around to gangster music while I took snapchats of it, as per usual LOL. I was kind of bummed out though, because Leila got sick and couldn’t make the trip, the poor girl. But I made Chloe and Adelaide promise that we would pretend she was there the whole time, and we even made up a hashtag for her.

Once we got there, we dropped off all our stuff and decided to walk around to build up an appetite.

We ended up going to a scary maze! We chose the “hardcore” level, because we’re not babies, but man LMAO. The scare actor was good! In all honesty, I was pretty damn scared too, but I faked it til’ I made it and in the end, it was a really fun experience. There was this point that he basically started chasing us and if I hadn’t of kept my cool, Chloe and Adelaide would have definitely ran down the entire length of the maze. All in all, it was super fun.

After that, we ended up at Boston pizza for some sangria and some appetizers, and we stayed there for a while just talking, which was nice. It was such a nice day, so we really wanted to get the most of it, while we could. After Boston Pizza, we went to the arcade, and it was so much fun! Adelaide won a jackpot for 250 tickets, and Chloe and I each won a 100 ticket jackpot. We got some really good rings and bracelets as prizes. I honestly love the arcade. No matter how old I get, I will never grow tired of playing arcade games. I assume that that’s the eternal 5 year old that secretly lives within me, LOL.

Once we finished with the arcade, we headed back to the hotel to start getting ready for our night out. We did our makeup, played music, I made the girls white freezies, and we made up some drinking games that actually turned out to be quite fun. After that, we headed out the club, and…

It was soooo empty at first. We were super close to actually leaving, but we decided to give it a chance. I’m glad we did, because the music turned out to be pretty good and we had a fun time dancing! But after a while, we decided to leave so that we could go check out the casino.

I love the casino. Not the gambling aspect per se, but all the bright pretty lights and the atmosphere. We played some slots, no more than like five dollars maybe, and no one won big but it was definitely fun. I won like ten bucks and cashed out right away, as I was up.

After that, we went back to the hotel to crash. Shier and I had some of the “broccoli” that Diego gave me, and MAN. HIS STUFF IS GOOD. I saved a little bit of it for myself and Olivia actually. But anyways, after that, we just went to sleep.

The next day, (Saturday, April 15th), was probably the best day of all for many, many reasons.

We woke up in the morning and got ready for our wine tour, which actually turned out to be so fun! We went to a winery, a cider brewery, and a beer brewery. And man, the samples they gave us? Definitely more than just samples. We tried all kinds of different wines, and ice wine, which was absolutely delicious. The ciders were nice and crisp too. The whole experience made me feel so classy and cultured, LMAO. But by the end of it? I was definitely tipsy.

After the wine tour, we headed back to the hotel and decided to go eat. We headed to Kelsey’s for a sinfully delicious meal – I had mac and cheese, and a delicious pecan pie flavoured alcoholic milkshake (SO. FUCKING. GOOD). Stuffed to the max, we headed back to the hotel and passed out for a quick nap.

After the nap, we woke up and saw that the raps were playing their first playoff’s game and that the leaf’s were starting soon, so we quickly freshened up and headed over to Boston Pizza to watch both games.

As soon as we got there, the rap’s game was already half way through but the leaf’s were just about to start. So, I bravely snapchatted Dylan that I was watching, (just so he’d know, hehe). And I’m so glad I did! He replied back, saying he was so fired up, and I replied that thanks to him, Rose and my dad, that I was kinda hooked. He said enjoy the ride, and I said that if I didn’t die of a heart attack first, I totally would. Right after that, the leaf’s scored their first goal, and he messaged me about how good it was.

The game went on but the raps game ended and it was getting late, so we decided to head back to the hotel so that we could start getting ready. Adelaide put the leaf’s game on for me on the tv in our room so that we could still watch though. As we watched, I told her a bit about Dylan and how he was a big part of why I was suddenly so interested in hockey, LOL. She made some very valid points, similar to what my counselor said about being practical about how you get to know someone first before you really invest in them. I’m so glad, because these conversations really help to keep me grounded and help to keep my head out of the clouds. Now more than ever, I know I’m not pulling away or being overly cautious – I’m invested, but in a smart, aware, and conscious way. Not in a blinded way, that crushes/hormones tend to make people become. I want to know what made him want to back to the girl who cheated on him, I want to know what he’s like when he’s under pressure or how he reacts to upsetting things. These are important things to know before you decided to really invest in someone, and I know that know.

Anyways, the game got pretty drawn out because they were tied 3-3, and MAN, it was an intense game! As we got ready, they ended up going into a second overtime, and it got to the point where we had to leave so I could see the end. But, as we were in the uber on our way to dragonfly, Tashi messaged me that the Leaf’s won!!!!!! I was so happy. What a game ending that must have been, shit.

So we got to Dragonfly, and as nice as the decor and scene was, the crowd was GRIMY AS FUCK. Like, so aggressive and so gross and not our type at all. At all.

There was this one point where I was trying to get enthused about dancing, that all I could think was, I would take an ice cold drink at a quiet and dimly lit bar with some good conversation over this clubbing scene, any day. I think I’ve mostly outgrown it. I love dancing, but I’d rather spend my time actually connecting with people than being uncomfortable with people trying to get at me in a club.

Anyways, around the time we were about to leave from the club, sometime after midnight, I noticed that Dylan had snapchatted me! So we decided to leave shortly after, and I opened it, and it was a selfie of him with the caption saying how shook the game had left him. I watched his story, and it was a video of him and his friend driving on the high way with a Leaf’s flag, screaming at the top of their lungs – SO CUTE!

I quickly snapchatted a selfie of myself back, denoting how intense it was but how good it ended up being. (It legit took me like 20 attempts – I wanted to make sure that my leather jacket was in it and that I looked good, LOL). He snapchatted me a selfie back, asking me if I watched until the end.

At this point, Chloe, Adelaide and I were walking around the casino, and I couldn’t help the gigantic grin that was unfolding on my face. We ended up near our favourite slot, the Monopoly one, and sat there for a bit waiting for it to become free. So in the meanwhile, I worked on snapchatting him back.

Anyways, we basically snapchatted through out the night til almost 3 am, because he asked me how Niagara was and I asked him how his shift went, and I told him about the casino and my slot machine skills, and he wished me luck and laughed about my “winnings” (10 bucks at first, LOL).

By like 3 am, it dwindled down, but Adelaide, Chloe and I had tons of fun with the Monopoly slot machine – I was on it the longest, but it was worth it. I ended up winning $20 bucks off of the ten I put in! And it was so much fun, cause you get to spin a wheel and stuff.

Anyways, after that, we headed back to the hotel and knocked out. The next day, (Sunday, April 16th), we checked out and then headed to Denny’s for one last scrumptious meal. I got their infamous buttermilk pancakes with eggs, bacon and sausage on the side. So worth it. Mm, man was it ever good.

We headed home after that! What an amazing weekend it was though! It was defintiely a nice little escape from real life.

I’m glad to be home though. It’s funny, even coming home from Hawaii, instead of dreading the return, I was excited. The same way I felt in the car heading back. It’s just, I have such a good feeling about things, about the way my life is unfolding right now. I couldn’t imagine feeling sad or being nervous about coming home. Not when everything is so good, knowing how blessed I am right now. I’m glad that I feel that way.

Anyways, I got home in the afternoon yesterday, caught Olivia up, and we both proceeded to watch The Office for awhile. Later at night, around 10, Dylan snapchatted me again – this time a pic of his tickets for tomorrow’s home game. Heart in my throat, I snapchatted him a “surprised” selfie back, saying he was so lucky and to have fun.

He replied, saying he would definitely enjoy it, so that’s that. In all honesty, I wasn’t disappointed, because there’s this little part of me that somehow just… knows, that the timing isn’t right yet, and that’s why it’s okay. For sure he’s splitting the tickets with a friend, and they’re really, really expensive. In all honesty, asking me to one of these games is a pretty big gesture that I don’t think either of us are ready for yet. So, it’s okay.

I snapchatted him again, reminding him that if his meme video popped up on the jumbotron, to grab a pic of it. I think I sent it for too little time though, cause he replayed it, LOL. He then sent a cute af selfie back of him smiling, saying he definitely would if it did.

So, we’re best friends on Snapchat. Which really doesn’t mean anything, to be honest, but it’s also the reason I’m okay with the way things are unfolding. It’s been about a week since we’ve seen each other last, and we’ve actually been snapchatting each other pretty consistently since.

Letting go and letting things happen as they are is probably one of the best possible things I could have done for myself, when it comes to this. Even if the snapchatting stops and the silence resumes. I know that I’ll eventually see him again, at work, or however, and that everything that happens is exactly how it’s meant to, at this pace. I really am in no rush. Whatever this is right now, this feels good to me. It feels right.

I’m allowed to let myself daydream, to let myself indulge in the feel-good hormones that they produce. I love fantasizing about what could be. Just as long as I remember that, it just as easily could not materialize the way I imagine things, because he is a real person, not an idea or a daydream. And that’s perfectly fine.

I think for the first time ever, I have a practical crush. I have feelings for someone, but not to the point that I’m blind to the things I need to see. I’m being realistic, curious, inquisitive, cautious, but in the best ways possible. I’m proud of me for taking myself out of my little bubble, and for not letting myself get consumed by my thoughts, feelings and unrealistic ideals.

Anyways! That’s about it for the weekend. Today is Monday, April 17th, aka Day 107, and I spent most of it once again binging the office. Although I did go outside to enjoy the weather and to re-read some old logs though, because I knew I could do with some fresh air. And now, in about an hour in twenty minutes, the Leaf’s game is going to be on and I’m actually genuinely excited to watch it with my dad.

Tomorrow I’m off again, so I think I’ll look into starting my smart serve, and maybe even giving that uncle a call, the one who could teach me to drive. While it’s nice to do absolutely nothing sometimes, it’s also equally, if not more, important to be as productive as one can be! And, once again I need to become consistent about writing every day. No if’s, and’s or but’s about it! So, until tomorrow.



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