Day 99 – April 9th, 2017

Hello!! What a crazy day it’s been. It’s super late though, and I’m actually pretty tired, and I have to wake up early tomorrow morning to shower before my shift at work. I’ll try to write as much as I can now so that I don’t have to catch up in tomorrow’s log (which is the 100th day of the year by the way! I think I need to do a special edition log, because that’s a pretty big milestone – 100 days of this year!)

Okay let’s see… so today, all in all, was pretty good! Let me start from the beginning, with my shift.

I got in pretty early (mostly because I thought that Dylan was starting early too, but he wasn’t). It was okay though, because Sera came in shortly after so I got to talk to her for a bit. While we were talking, I was telling her how I was interested in getting my smart serve and another job, and she was saying how Dylan and I should do bar-tending school together. And Marilyn happened to be there, and she intervened and started being suggestive by asking how old each of us is, and Sera swiftly interjected by turning it around and saying “they’re old enough to bartend, right? 18 is the age?” Lucky she did, because I was at a loss for words.

Before I continue, I have to note something – Marilyn KNOWS. All day, she was casting me knowledgeable sly looks, and I am done for. I love her, and normally I would totally laugh along with her about something like this, but not when it comes to Sera and Dylan. This means the world to me, they mean the world to me, and the last thing I need is anyone budding in and jeopardizing my relationship with either of them, professional and/or personal. Sigh.

Anyways!

So eventually he came in, and again we were both mostly doing our own thing because of work. But the moments that we talked here and there were nice. Like…

We were talking about summer plans, and he was telling me about summer school, but on how it depends because of that one exam he missed and that one prof who wouldn’t let him make it up. Basically, if he failed that class, he would be set back an entire semester, which really sucks. He even appealed to the school, but they said it was according to the teacher’s rules so there wasn’t anything they could do. He’s got exams coming up in about a week or two, so that’s going to be his main focus for a little while.

More moments: he was super happy about the Leaf’s game from the night before, and we were both waiting for Ary to come in so that we could take him up on the bet they had made. And when he did come in, he didn’t want to wear the jersey!!! Dylan and I were so shook that Ary wasn’t a man of his word. But, Ary did promise to hold up the Maple Leaf’s flag that Dylan brought, so there was some compromise there.

Oh man, there was this moment where Dylan and I were talking about stubbornness, (because I was telling him about my dad being stubborn about his blood sugar and possible diabetes). And Sera was nearby, and he got her attention and basically said that, all his life, it’s always been him and his mom. And how he always aspired to be like her – smart, and strong, and have all the amazing qualities she embodied. (At this point, I gave Sera a look of pure “aww” and she had the same look too). But, he never, ever wanted to be as stubborn as she was, LOL. Which Sera confirmed – she said once she got something in her head, she could rationalize it in 87 different ways unless someone who cared about her was able to talk her out of it. I love them. I love their relationship with one another. She’s honestly everything to him, and it’s so, so nice to see.

Another cute moment: we managed to make a sale together to this couple, and as he was approaching me to go to the Dolce house, he mouthed “help me”, and it was honestly the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. They bought a set, and then later in the day, I congratulated us on good team work for the sale. And he raised his hand to give me props, but he was holding a fragrance bottle so I had no idea what he was doing. I awkwardly bumped hands with him, explaining that I had no idea what that was, LOL. And then he was like, well he wasn’t expecting me to pick up a bottle and do a complicated hand gesture, and then I suggested that that be a secret fragrance hand shake, and he agreed, saying that only cool people would know about it. At that point, Marilyn walked up and asked us about it, and we both pretended not to know what we were talking about. It was very cute, but obviously just reaffirmed whatever Marilyn already knows. Oh well!

Later in the day, he ended up confiding in me about how Shauna had texted him recently asking if he was working, which led to us talking about how much Angela hated Shauna. And then, he told me his inklings as to why: earlier on last year, Dylan had been helping Victoria get past her breakup with her fiancé. And Angela fell under the impression that he and Victoria were becoming a thing, and she’s pretty protective of Victoria. Dylan would occasionally go on break with Shauna sometimes, and although he only thought of her as a little sister, but it made Angela nuts. She would approach him and be like, “why does she follow you everywhere you go” and stuff like that. And then when Victoria started dating her new guy (who happens to be the son of Daisy), Angela approached him and asked if he knew about it. Lord help me, the department drama never ends. I told him that I hated how people had nothing better to do here than get involved in everyone else’s lives, and also that if everyone learned to mind their own business just a little, the world would probably be a better place, to which he laughed at and agreed.

I’m glad that he can talk to me about little stuff like that! I want to keep confiding in him, because I feel like it builds trust in the sense that he knows that I trust him, and hopefully he learns that he can trust me, too.

 

Anyways, that’s about it! There were little things here and there, like how I mentioned I tweeted Paolo Coelho, and he mentioned he got another book and he would snap me the cover of it so that I could see what it was. Oh and, we talked about food preferences since I mentioned I was going to Frankie Tomatto’s. He loves Asian food, especially sushi. And how I took the picture of Ary and the flag for him, which was definitely a hilarious moment.

There was this moment where I think he was about to talk about how he has all the tickets to the playoff games but he was suddenly speaking so quietly that I couldn’t hear what he was saying, so I didn’t react, because I wasn’t sure. And then, we were interrupted. Argh.

My little heart is hoping, wishing, that he’ll invite me to a game. I think he may have split the tickets with a friend though, if I overheard what he and Sean were talking about, if they were talking about it, that is. He did snapchat me tonight about the huge assignment he has due tomorrow, which was nice. But again, no idea if that’s just sent to me, or to lots. Knowing how sociable he is, the latter. I still sent him a reply back though, either way.

I never realized how impatient I am until now. But nevertheless, I’m striving to cultivate that patience when it comes to this. I think, maybe, that maybe he could like me. Maybe. I obviously don’t want to get my hopes up. But still. There may be something there. Or potentially could be.

So, before this weekend, I was planning on using this weekend as a way of knowing how to proceed. Luckily, I came to my senses and realized that this isn’t a thing that can have an ultimatums or timeframes, and I’m still sticking to that grounded mentality, for sure. But, just for myself…

After this weekend, where’s my head/heart at? Well – feelings are definitely still there, strong as ever. I couldn’t help but stare when he wasn’t looking, willing my intentions and feelings to manifest somehow so he could feel even a slight fraction of how I feel about him. I mused about possibly confessing, or almost confessing, so that maybe he’d get an idea that I like him. But, no. My gut is telling me that patience is indeed the way to go. I have this feeling that when the time is right, I will definitely know. The moment will make itself known to me. But for now, this is perfectly fine.

And so, another week is upon me! Time to get things in order. Which reminds me, before I go!

Nick messaged me today, asking me if I ended getting a raise. When I said no, he said that I could come work at the restaurant, and I’m seriously considering it. It would be convenient for me, location wise, and he said I could do as many hours as I’d like. If I could do like, 12 – 16 hours a week maybe, not too much. That would be amazing. But I think I need to think about that, before I agree. I don’t know what that would entail for me, on an emotional/mental front, working with his family. It’s really nice of them to offer though. I do miss them. Oh and, he got into a car accident. He’s okay, but I think I have to write about our talk in detail, tomorrow. (Don’t forget!)*

I got to decide on a driver’s school by this week, and also maybe start my smart serve program. Productive summer must begin before I leave this weekend to Niagara with my girls! I’m so looking forward to that trip though, for sure.

Anyways, off to bed I go! One last thing – I’m so glad that I’m finally becoming less apologetic and guilty for the things I shouldn’t be apologetic and guilty for. I really need to finish reading the “Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck”, because I think it really did help me start focusing on what deserves my care and what doesn’t. In the end, I’m learning how to not stress myself out over things I don’t need to stress myself out over. And, I’m being unapologetically me than I ever have been in my life, I’d say. I’m proud of me. I’m so happy with me. I LOVE MEEEEE.

Okay, sleep time! I’ll write tomorrow after my work shift.

Until then,

Love,

Me.

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