Day 119 – April 29th, 2017

Hello, hello! Okay so, I currently ate a lovely gift that one of my coworkers gave me recently and I’m feeling great! LOL.

I really want to type this log because I have a very pressing issue on my mind that I would like to talk to myself about with and I’m not quite sure what I’m looking to hear from myself because I have a lot of conflicting emotions right now.

Okay so. I’ll start from the beginning. I walked into the department, and he wasn’t there yet, so I settled in a little while walking around. After about ten minutes maybe, he walked in and I knew he was there before I even turned around. Like I was turning, and there he was, already approaching.

I came out from behind the desk to give him a hug, super happy to see him. I swear, I could feel like, my heart fluttering as we hugged. Actually, the butterflies started the minute I saw him.

So I did a full time shift today, and let me just say now, it was AWESOME. I love, love, love days like today because they’re so full of little moments that make me happy. Where do I even begin?

Okay let’s see. I’ll just write which ever memory comes to mind and go with that.

We talked about exams. Yes! I remember! Okay, we talked about how he had just finished exams yesterday, and how much time and effort it took to get all the assignments he had to do over with in order for him to write the exam. He mentioned that he’s going to Florida next Tuesday! I’m so, so happy for him! He’s going for eight days, and after the exam week that he’s had, he deserves this trip so much.

Depending on whether or not he did well in the class he had to do all the assignments for, he’ll either be doing summer school, or having to figure something else out. I hope he passed though, so that he doesn’t get set back!

I told him about my serving job, and he was so happy for me. And, LOL, I went through my stupid little imagined plan of how I told him that he’d be a perfect fit for a job there because of of how good-looking and charming he was. And I did it, I didn’t quite look at him as I said it but, I did. And he was so stoic. Literally NO REACTION, LMAO. He was like “thank you”, as seriously as you can possibly imagine.

I’m trying to hit on youuuuuuu!!!! Either he’s trying to avoid the advances or he’s just oblivous. OR, I’m a terrible flirt. It’s probably the latter, in all honesty. Sigh.

Anyways, the rest of the day was just as good. We talked a lot, at almost every opportunity that we could find, and everyone left us alone. No one interfered or made comments, which was nice.

Okay, moments that stand out:

There was this moment that he was walking away and I was telling myself, out loud, to calm down or something or saying something about him, and he turned around at that exact moment and caught me talking to myself. It was so cute, and so funny. I ducked away, laughing, to the other side of the glass towers so I was blocked from his view. And he leaned forward so that he could give me a jokingly bewildered look, which made me laugh even more. And then I was like, “okay, you caught me, I occasionally talk to myself.” And he was like, it’s okay, that he does too sometimes. So freaking cute.

Another was, I was standing in my house and he came over to it to ask me a question. And it was, once again, quite cute: he asked me for my opinion on what he should get his god-daughter. And when I asked her what she liked, he was like, “well, she’s one. Or three. No, one.” I’ve noticed that he gets a little flustery (like me) when we talk. A sign? Or all in my head? LOL.

Anyways, after I thought between toys and clothes, I suggested clothes because it was usually a safe bet and the clothes have the year of age on them so it made things easier. He thanked me, and headed on out. I love that he asks for advice on little things like that! I mean, he could be asking for multiple opinions, and I could just be one of many, but I still think it’s cute.

I’ve got to remember tomorrow, to ask if he ended up looking for anything for her. Maybe if I’m brave enough, I’ll go with him to look. No wait, is looking at baby clothes with someone you have a crush on weird? I think it’s weird. He’ll probably think it’s weird. Picking out makeup for his other god-daughter was a different story.

What other moments, hmm…

He was lamenting about getting a haircut, and I was like “well, what’s wrong with it” in an attempt to compliment him (because I like how it is right now) but I don’t think it went over the way I intended. Have I really gotten this bad at flirting?

Ou, I told him about Brida, and how much I liked it, but didn’t quite like the end. And I mentioned the part that boggled my mind (when Santiago’s story line crossed over with Brida’s) but didn’t tell him what it was because I didn’t want to spoil it for him.

I told him I’d lend it to him afterwards so that he could read it if anything, but I’m bringing it to him tomorrow (he’s in again tomorrow – more than I could have hoped for with this whole weekend!) so that he can give it to his mom to read, since I’ve already finished it.

He said he’s going to bring The Fifth Mountain with him on his trip so he can read it, and I told him to let me know how he liked it afterwards. I love, love that we both read, so much.

At one point, we made a friendly bet about how long it took to fly to Florida, because I was sure it was more than three and he was sure it was less. We waited for Teresa to finish with a customer, and then we asked, and turns out he was right, so I made a face at him, LOL.

Oh and I also stuck out my tongue at him when we made eye contact (which happened quite often today). Either I literally cannot help how weird I am, or I’m starting to feel more comfortable acting my weird self around him. I’m hoping it’s the latter.

I’m pretty sure I sound like the epitome of Ginnifer Goodwin in He’s Just Not That Into You, right now. Reading into things and whatever. But man, this day made me so, so happy. I love talking to him, and how much we laugh, and how insanely cute he is.

I like these little moments, okay? I know they’re only amplified in my head because of how much I like him, but I like remembering these things the way I do.

Anyways, that’s about all I can remember in my current state. If anything else comes up, I’ll make note of it. Moving past the cute moments now though. I came up with a plan that Luna implemented for me. She covertly asked Sera if Dylan’s seeing anyone, around the same moment that Dylan, Ary and I were talking and Ary was asking Dylan if he had a girlfriend.

Dylan told Ary he didn’t have a girlfriend, so that was a relief. But, what Sera told Luna? Not so much of a relief.

She told her that she doesn’t really want to get involved, but if I was going to ask him out, then it should be totally casual because he doesn’t like feeling forced or “set up” into anything.

But also that as his mom, she feels that he does have things he still need to figure out for himself. And who knows him better than her?

It kind of made me sad. Maybe it just means that our timing isn’t right now. Maybe I should wait. I keep saying I’m in no rush, so why am I in such a hurry to ask him to hang out? Maybe he will, when he’s ready?

Anyways, all of this leads me to where I am now: do I ask him, casually, to hang out after he gets back from Florida? Or, do I wait until another time, and see if we can go through with the cottage plan? (which is, inviting him along with a bunch of our coworkers to do a cottage weekend over the summer, totally casual).

The first answer that my insides kind of vibrated with was, the cottage plan. Because, I think this might just be a long term kind of thing, so why rush. I would rather organic experiences that go at their own pace, rather than trying to force things along.

I was so close to being ready to saying something this weekend, I really was. It was almost time. But, at least Sera knows now that I like him, for sure. (I’m sure she had an inkling beforehand.)

I’m not saying I’ve totally made my decision yet (although I’m about 98% sure). However, that 2% resides on whatever happens tomorrow. We’ll see, we’ll see.

It’s just, if I did ask him to hang out, I have no idea what we could do! Sports bar? Bar in itself? Downtown adventure? That arcade-bar I saw online once? I don’t know what he’d like! I don’t think I know him well enough to know that kind of stuff yet.

That was Luna’s first thing to tell me too, before she suggested to just let fear go and just, do it.

^Weirdly enough, Luna called me just as I was typing that. Omen? Perhaps it is.

Anyways, I’m starting to feel pretty sleepy now, so I think I’ll hit the hay.

I don’t know what tomorrow has in store for me. I’m tired of trying to plan everything. I’ll just go with the flow tomorrow, and if I say it, then I say it. If I don’t, then I wasn’t meant to tomorrow. In this for the long haul! No matter how long it takes. (Hopefully not long enough for him to start dating someone else, LOL.)

At least I know what I want and I’m sure now. Manifesting it? Well, that can take it’s time.

I’m going to have to read this tomorrow to see if any of it made sense.

Oh! Another cute moment I really liked! Actually two!

When he first came in and Nadine asked him which company he was with today, he was struggling to remember that he was with us. When he said my company, Nadine was like, “Ah, so you’re with the beautiful Steph today.”

And he agreed, looked at me with a smile and was like “Yup, I’m with the beautiful Steph today”, which made my heart skip a beat, hehe.

And later on today, Ary was jokingly telling me to approach a guy customer and to “work my goods” and like adjust my shirt and stuff to make a sale, right in front of Dylan. I laughed it off, but Dylan was like, “nah, she doesn’t need to do that kind of stuff to make a sale”, while looking at me (so cute) to which I thanked him for.

Luna keeps saying that it’s obvious he likes me back, but I’m not going to believe it until I hear it directly from him, LOL. I just, want to know for sure.

Luna did mention that Sera said that he said that when he does get into a relationship, he’d give it is all. 200%, not even 100. And that’s nice to hear, because I usually do that too, and man what a nice change it would be to have the exact same effort returned back to me, for once. A girl can dream.

I’m so glad that I get to see him tomorrow. Hopefully he’ll have hours for Mother’s Day too. It’s nuts how every time I see him, might be the last for a long time.

I’m lowkey nervous about my serving job. I hope I can do it. If not, I’ll quit and take up cashiering at a grocery store for a couple hours a week, LOL. At least I’m giving it a try, right? We’ll see how things go.

I’ll write tomorrow after my shift! Wish me luck, world, universe, fates, life, love. I don’t know, once again, what tomorrow holds for me. But, I’m excited. I always am these days, and I’m glad that I am.

Until tomorrow!



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