Day 202, 203 & 204 – July 21st, 22nd & 23rd

Well, here I am. There’s a beautiful wind blowing over the lake right now, filling my lungs with crisp and clear forest air. The water has a slight bit of movement today, making the dock bob and sway gently against the waves. The sounds, the sight, the scents – it’s all perfection. I loathe to leave. Sigh.

This weekend, while also being a weekend of rest, fun and relaxation, was also supposed to be a weekend that would bring me some clarity in regards to certain things.  Now, I’m not so sure. But let me start from the beginning of this rather wild, but amazing weekend.

So Friday came around and we leave in the morning, as planned! And it was me, Lianna and my mom in one car and Luna and Daniella in another. The drive up was quick, and eventually we made it there in good time! And the weather was beautiful – it was sunny and warm, perfect for swimming which is exactly what I did once we settled everything in.

After a while, my mom headed out and it was just us four ladies, waiting for Dylan and his friend Milan to arrive. As night began to fall, I started getting this weird feeling in the pit of my stomach, a worry. Lianna kept saying they’d be fine, but I couldn’t shake the feeling no matter what. I kept pacing in front of the windows and doors, anxiously waiting to see headlights making their way through the woods. I went outside in an attempt to get service so that I could text Dylan, and he had said they were 20 km away, but when that was beginning to stretch out a little too long.

Finally, sometime close to 10, a phone call arrived at the cottage. I immediately ran over to pick it up. And it was Milan. And the first thing he said was, “you’re probably not going to believe this…” and in all honesty, at first I didn’t. It sounded way too impossible to have happened. But then when he passed the phone over to Dylan and I could hear the shock in his voice, I knew for sure that they were serious.

Milan’s car had begun to smoke just as they were approaching the cottage property. They stopped to get out to check on what it was, and just as Roman was about to pop the hood open, Dylan stopped him because he could see an amber light flickering underneath the car. They immediately bolted from the vicinity of the car, and good thing they did because the whole thing went up in flames and blew up within a matter of minutes.

It was unreal. The flames were at least 16 feet high, tantalizingly licking at the trees around it in a very, very real threat of a forest fire. By some miracle, the fire didn’t spread, possibly due to a recent rainfall perhaps.

Lianna and I had gone by car to see if we could get to Dylan and Milan but there was no way, the fire was literally blocking the entire road. So we had no choice but to go back to the cottage and await further information.

Someone from a nearby cottage had come by our cottage by boat, and scooped Luna and Daniella and took them over to where Dylan and Milan were, so at least they were altogether. But man. Waiting on the dock, waiting at the cottage. Waiting for a call, for anything. I was legit going insane. I couldn’t sit still, I called Luna like every 5 minutes, just wondering what was going on. And then all of a sudden, while we were waiting on the dock, the phone started ringing in the cottage. I bolted all the way back from the edge of the dock to the cottage in a matter of seconds to grab it.

Turns out, it was a woman. And she asked me what my relationship was to Elizabeth and why we were there. And she asked me, three times, if Elizabeth knew we were there, and then she said she was going to call her to find out.

Right after that, I called my mom in a panic to make sure everything would be okay. My mom assured me that it was all going to be fine because Elizabeth knew we were there and what had happened wasn’t anyone’s fault. But still, the initial adrenaline and shock was beginning to wear off and the anxiety was beginning to kick in and I ended up bursting into tears.

Lianna and my mom tried to calm me down but honestly, I think I just needed to get it all out of my system until I calmed down.

But bad timing though, because just as I was finishing up my crying, they had finally made it to the cottage. I immediately ran to the washroom to go clean up my face as they were coming in, but there wasn’t really any point because my face was a wreck either way LOL.

I hugged Milan and apologized for everything that happened and he apologized too, and I told him not to. And then Dylan came over to me and apologized too as he hugged me and I also told him not to as well, because these things happen. I could tell by their faces they knew I had been upset but they were polite enough to not point it out. But later, Daniella was like “were you crying!” And I joked and I was like, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

After they settled in, Dylan came over to me again for an even bigger hug and after he pulled back, he gripped my shoulders to look at me and apologized again, which was so sweet.

We ended up having dinner altogether and some drinks, and after a while everyone calmed down enough to start laughing about it (because it really was mind-blowing, no pun intended).

After dinner, Dylan asked to go see the lake so I got up to take him and Milan, but I could hear Luna joking in the background that maybe it should be a “private tour” and Milan agreed to get another drink instead! Dylan hadn’t heard though, so I paused at the door right before we left to wait for Milan and even Dylan himself said Milan was taking too long and he and I should just go.

We walked together to the lake, my little phone flashlight lighting up the woody pathway. Once we got to the dock, I think both of us had our breath taken away. The stars… there were so many, that you could see part of the Milky Way. It was incredible. Dylan immediately got down to lie on the dock to admire the view, so I joined him, and we laid there for a while.

It was exactly how I pictured it in my head, because I daydreamed that that exact scenario would occur. We laid on the dock side by side, looking up at the stars and the beauty of the world that we’re so gifted with. Dylan said that that moment right there made everything they had gone through worth it. He said he had never seen anything like those stars in his life. It made my heart happy.

But even then… the rest of my daydream didn’t happen. I didn’t tell him how I felt. I knew I wasn’t supposed to, because I can’t until I figure out the other feelings I have for Nick, so it wouldn’t be fair to say anything to Dylan. That being said though.. this weekend made me realize that.. there’s some real, real potential for more when it comes to Dylan. It’s not just in my head. But I’ll get to that later.

Anyways, after that, we went back for some more drinks and then all of us as a group decided to head back to the dock just to relax and enjoy the view of the stars. By this point, I was already pretty tipsy LOL.

It was soooo nice. We sat out on the dock under the stars, laughing and talking and enjoying each other’s company. But man, the water was legit calling my name. Luna read my mind, asking me if I was going to swim. I’ve never swam at night before, at the cottage, because every time I’ve gone it’s been with my family and my mom would drown me herself if I ever attempted something like that.

So, I took off my sweatshirt so I was just in my bra and shorts, and hopped in. And shortly after, I heard Dylan saying how he had narrowly escaped death and life was too short and he was going to swim too. He took off his shirt and shorts and hopped in as well.

I can’t even begin to describe how utterly perfect it was. When you laid back and let the water fill your ears so all you heard was silence. Looking up at the stars, that all of a sudden felt close enough to touch. It was peace. True tranquility. I felt one with the universe, floating there, in the middle of water and sky.

And Dylan felt the same way. Eventually, he was beginning to lose his breath (partially due to the adrenaline wearing off, the cold shock of the water and also because he’s got asthma), so we swam back together. Our hands accidentally touched at one point LMAO as though we were in some ridiculous movie. It was cute though.

He got out, but I stayed in for a little while longer. I’ve never got to experience anything like that before. I could feel some real peace in my soul.

I’m home now, and I’ve recently found out some stuff that changes the course of direction that this log is going to head in, but I’m going to wrap up how the rest of this weekend went before I address my new-found discovery.

After we got out of the water and dried off, we went back to the cottage where we stayed up until 4 in the morning, just talking some more about everything and anything. After a while, everyone headed off to get some much needed sleep.

The next day was so much fun – I hung out a lot with the boys, showing them all the cool stuff that they could do while they were waiting to get picked up by Milan’s parents so that they could make the most of their time at the cottage while they could. So I managed to find some fishing rods for them, and we all fished together. There was a point where I was fishing on the big rock next to a garter snake with no fear, and Dylan commented on how balls-y I was, LOL. Yeah that’s me, the girl with no fear.

After we ate, we played Catan and omg. It was hands down one of the best games I’ve ever played, despite the fact that I lost. I was up at first, and super cocky, but then Dylan caught up and on a risky gamble, won the whole game. But it’s all good though, because lowkey I’m the Lord of Catan. When he won, he stuck out his hand to shake mine and I conceded that the game was well won. (I’ll be back for revenge though, hehe).

After that, we went kayaking and it was Dylan’s first time ever, but he picked up so quickly (possibly due to his ridiculously cut arms, LOL). And man, he was doing all of this shirtless, so what a treat for me. He even grilled up some pork loins and chicken and burgers totally shirtless, while I sat next to him and read. AND, he was playing the Lumineers. Eventually when he said he had to go put clothes on, I literally said, “aw mannnn”, which made him laugh, hehe.

There was this moment where Milan went off on his own and Dylan and I just floated next to each other, talking about how amazing it was to just be in the moment and appreciate the present, and not worry about things in the back of your mind, and how we’re constantly bombarded by all kinds of energy on a daily basis and how nice it was to just, escape for a little while. It was a nice moment. We always have good conversations.

I’m so glad that they got to have fun, despite everything that occurred. Everyone was so positive and they were just focusing on the fact that they were happy to be alive, despite them losing all their stuff and losing the car. Dylan even lost his favourite Guns N’ Roses shirt, but he only lamented for a moment and that was that.

Eventually, Milan’s parents made their way over, and we all had a really nice lunch together before they headed out. When they were about to leave, Dylan came directly over to me and gave me the warmest, longest hug ever, a real one, not just a “hey we’re at work” kind of hug. Which is fitting now, I suppose, as he was saying goodbye… more on that later though.

He thanked me, with his hand over his heart, for such an amazing experience and told me he understood why I loved the cottage so much, which made me happy.

After that, they headed out. The girls and I spent the rest of the weekend having the most amazing time, lounging around, swimming, cooking, relaxing, I fished a little and caught the only fish of this weekend, laughing until we cried, and having some really deep talks. All in all, despite everything that occurred, it really was the perfect little weekend. I had so much fun and my heart is so full because that’s always what the cottage does for me. It’s my haven, and it always will be.

So, on our way home, Luna told me that she had to tell me something, and that it was about Dylan, and that no one is supposed to know because he told Daniella in confidence and hasn’t even told his mom yet. Heart sinking, especially after this amazing weekend, I spent the entire car ride preparing myself for the worst. And, I’m kind of glad I did because…

He met someone in Florida. A beautiful Spanish girl, who apparently looks like Angelina Jolie (he showed pictures to Daniella). And, he’s gone twice to Florida, I’m sure not just to relax but to see her. If a guy will cross countries multiple times for a girl, you know it’s serious. He’s apparently head over heels for her, so… that’s that.

Yes, it hurt when Luna told me that. Just like that, this weekend became a weekend of closure rather than a weekend of possibilities. It hurt especially so, because I wanted this weekend to get to know him better outside of a work capacity and that’s what I got to do. We shared some pretty epic moments, moments that I thought I’d only ever get to daydream. But, that’s just the universe for you.

And I’m not upset, nor has my faith in the universe wavered in the slightest. I truly believe the universe has a plan for me.

On top of everything else, all this means is that I now have an amazing new friend. Dylan is such a good person, and I’m so glad that I’ve met him, and I’m glad that it really feels like we’re friends now after everything we’ve experienced this past weekend. I’m happy for him that he’s met someone, and whoever that girl is, I hope she knows how lucky she is.

This isn’t a loss because I still get to have this person in my life, as a friend. And that’s how I’m going to choose to go about looking at it. Bright side, always.

He ended up texting me to make sure I got home safely, and then thanked me yet again for having him and Milan come up to the cottage. I told him to live life to the fullest because they were given another chance, and I meant that. Man, life truly has the potential to become short as hell. Every day we are given, really is a gift.

And as I’ve been writing this log, he’s been asking me for tattoo advice because he’s got an appointment with an artist from Chronic Ink this Wednesday, so I’ve been giving him as much insight as I can. He says I should start a tattoo advice company because I’d become a millionaire overnight, LOL. We’ve been talking ever since, like real back and forth texting unlike anything we’ve done in the time we’ve known each other. I thanked the universe just now because, this makes my heart so happy and took away the initial sting of the news. Yay for friendship! LOL.

I put my hand on my heart just now to check if I was being my most authentic self or if I was not letting myself grieve over this properly, because it was a blow, it was. I asked myself if I need to cry now (because I did want to at first but was holding back since my parents were around). But, my heart was not sore and I felt it beating on, happily and normally as it always does.

It doesn’t hurt as much now because, I didn’t lose him, you know? Like he’s still going to be in my life, even if it is in a different capacity than I might have wanted originally. It just means that the universe has a different plan for me.

And at first, I did find myself berating myself a little bit there (I put a stop to it right away though). But, I caught myself thinking stuff like “what if I had been braver and just told him how I felt earlier?” But you know what? I was going on my intuition for most of this, and something kept holding me back! I know it was partially (or maybe mostly, I don’t know) due to fear, but I also think it was the intrinsic knowledge that I would either scare him off, or that he wasn’t ready, or that something just wasn’t right. It could have been my unresolved feelings for Nick, or even just that things weren’t in the cards for us, and that’s okay! I accept the way that things have unfolded. I will not berate myself or regret anything, because I’ve been trusting in myself and this is the way that things have turned out.

Everything that is written, will occur. I believe in this. That is my mantra this year, and for always. What is meant for me, will be. What is meant to happen, will happen. And finally, everything happens for a reason.

Alright! That’s about it for these past couple days. I’m back to work tomorrow, but it’s all good because it’s at the Bay and I’ll be seeing the girls tomorrow! And also Dylan, and we’re going to talk more about his tattoo dilemma so I’m hoping it’ll bring him a little more clarity. All good stuff! Here’s to yet another week, brimming with endless moments for good, light, positivity and growth. I’ll write tomorrow after my shift.

Until then,

Love,

Stephanie.

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