Day 212, 213, 214, 215 – July 31st, August 1st, 2nd, & 3rd

Today is the day! It’s officially Thursday, August 3rd, the day of my date. I’m excited and nervous, but also calm at the same time? It’s hard to explain.

I kept telling myself to write these past couple days but honestly, they flew by so quickly and a lot has happened so I’ve been really busy. I’ll go back to Monday and work my way over to today so that I don’t miss anything.

Okay so Monday! Monday was the day that my mom and I went to the Caledon temple for an incredible meditation session with a monk who was very well known in Sri Lanka. It was such an amazing experience – I got to hear about the experience of a girl who actually went pretty far in terms of her meditating. She saw different colours, felt herself moving forward past these colours to the point her physical self was out of breath and sweating. So amazing!

I myself experienced something along those lines; when I first started meditating, I was getting frustrated at myself because I felt I wasn’t doing it right and I could feel the anxiety rising up in my chest at the pressure I was putting on myself. Then, a little voice in my head, soothing and reassuring, told me to calm down and just let go. There was no “right way” to meditate. I just had to breathe, and be still, and the rest would follow. So that’s what I did.

I immediately calmed down, and just focused on my breathing. I don’t really know how much time passed, but suddenly it felt like I was outside of time. Eventually, I began to feel a certain pressure building up in the top of my head. I could feel what the monk was chanting, but I was no longer directly listening anymore. So, I let go to see what would happen. And all of a sudden, I could feel this rushing sensation, as though I was speeding upwards. I can’t quite explain it, but it was an extraordinary sensation, as I wasn’t actually moving anywhere.

I saw brilliant indigos and purple swirls, possibly my own energy. Apparently indigo-blue is the third-eye chakra energy, and purple is the spirituality chakra. But then, I could feel myself becoming short of breath, trying to keep up, and it scared me. So I immediately brought myself back down into present reality and opened my eyes, and all was still once more.

It was amazing though. I would definitely love to tap into that kind of energy again.

I spent the rest of the day feeling very calm, and very centered. I had work after that, but it passed by in a breeze. Which leads me to Tuesday!

Tuesday was such a good day. Leila, Avery and I went to Wonderland and we pretty much spent the entire day together, going on rides and having lunch altogether. It’s such good vibes between the three of us, and it’s so easy when we’re hanging out. I’m really glad that Avery makes an effort towards the two of us as well. Despite everything that’s happened between Chloe and him, I truly hope that we all continue to maintain this friendship as time goes on. Anyways, for the first day of this new month (and last month of the summer!!), it was a pretty amazing start.

Which brings me to Wednesday, which was yesterday. I worked at my second job, and it ended up being one of the longest shifts I’ve ever worked because a leader forgot to let me go, LOL. But it was totally okay! I actually had… fun? I always dread my shifts before I have them, for some reason, but I actually like working there! I need to keep this in mind for next time. The worry and dread I feel is something I create in my head, in totality. It’s a good job, and I’m glad I have it.

After work, I went browsing for a little bit, in hopes I could maybe find something cute to wear for my date, which is TODAYYYYYYYY AHHHHHHHHHHHH. Ahem.

And I found two cute dresses, and bought them both LMAO. But they were on sale so, why not.

Which finally brings me to today. The day I’ve been waiting for all week. Thursday, August 3rd, 2017.

I finally have a date with the guy I’ve been crushing on pretty much all year.

I have no idea what to expect, but all I really want is for it to be fun. I know I’m going to be myself, no holds barred, completely and utterly honest in every way because I want him to know me completely. I’m finally happy and content with where I am in my life, I have accepted and come to terms with my past, and I no longer feel like I have anything to hide (in terms of my previously perceived “failures” and flaws). I am who I am. And I couldn’t be prouder or happier.

I’m definitely, definitely going to write immediately after I come home because I don’t want to forget even a single detail of how tonight will go.

No expectations! All I know is how I feel, and now he knows how I feel, and maybe one day after getting to really know me, he’ll realize that maybe he feels the same way too. That’s all I can really hope for. And even if that doesn’t end up being the case, I’m okay with that too. I’ll never, ever regret telling him how I felt. Because hands down, it’s one of the bravest things I’ve ever done for myself, ever.

I guess that’s all for this log! In a couple hours, I’m going to blast some music and start getting ready. I’m pretty excited for that part too, LOL. I can’t believe this is the first year in my life that I’ve started going on like, “dates”. They’re fun.

So, here’s to living life to the fullest in every way possible, and not accepting anything less than that. Here’s to being completely and utterly honest, not only with myself but with everyone around me – the transparency is refreshing and brings about an untouchable clarity. And here’s to whatever can happen next – I’m ready, universe. For literally anything. And also, I’m grateful. So completely and truly grateful. Thank you.

Until later tonight! WISH ME LUCK!

Love,

Me.

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