Day 229, 230, 231, 232 – August 17th – 20th, 2017

Hello! Okay, so I know it’s been a while since I’ve written last, but MANNN, has so much happened in these past couple of days. So right now, it’s Sunday, which means I haven’t written since Wednesday, which means I have to start from Thursday, and work my way up to today. Oh boy, this is definitely going to be a long log, I believe.

Alright, let’s begin!

So, I woke up Thursday early morning, feeling really excited and ready for the day. I had an early shift that morning, so I got ready and made my way over to work, looking forward to whatever could transpire. Little did I know, the day would definitely turn out to be interesting, that’s for sure…

Luna was working with me that morning, and she was already so excited for me, knowing that my date was later that day. I got busy unpacking boxes because there was apparently a huge visit from corporate coming in that day so I wanted everything to be perfectly in place by the time the visit came.

And then I happened to check my phone. Well, long story short – it was Dylan, and he said he really hated to do this, but that he got home really late from the Guns N’ Roses concert from the night before, and that he felt like garbage. And he asked if I would be willing to reschedule for after he came back from the states.

Honestly, in that moment, of course my heart sank. I had been so looking forward to that night, not to mention implementing the whole possible “come over so I can get to know you better in the comfort of my home” plan. But oh the irony – the night before, I posted on snapchat the EXACT excerpt from my previous day’s log, that applied to this situation. This is what the excerpt was:

“We’re so scared of pain that we fear hope.

No more.

Disappointment, pain, fear, unhappiness – these are all perceptions of the mind. You choose and manifest what your reality becomes.

Have hope. Let your expectations soar. Visualize the best possible outcome for yourself. Imagine the feeling of having everything work out exactly as you wish it to be. Give power to those positive feelings, and give them a chance to manifest. And should the opposite of what you hope for occurs?

Change your perception of that situation and you WILL change your reality. “Disappointment” can easily become “this was the way that things were truly meant to happen, and I accept this outcome”. “Sadness” can become “even though this feels like it hurts right now, I know deep down that ultimately there must be a reason that things happened this way.” “Disillusionment” can become “faith in the universe’s plan.” “Defeat” can become “determination”. It’s all a matter of how you CHOOSE to see things, and what we fail to understand and recognize, time and time again, is that WE HAVE EVERY POWER TO CHOOSE THE WAY WE REACT TO THE THINGS THAT OCCUR IN OUR LIFE.

And so, instead of letting myself be bummed out for what could have been the rest of the day, I smiled. I laughed at myself, at the situation. I forced myself to say those things out loud: “this was the way that things were truly meant to happen, and I accept this outcome. Even though this feels like it hurts right now, I know deep down that ultimately there must be a reason that things happened this way. I have faith in the universe’s plan.”

But maintaining this mind frame throughout the duration of the day? Oh boy. Easier said than done. My old insecurities began to creep in, began to pipe up in my head: “why didn’t he ask to reschedule for this week? Why wait until after Vegas? Maybe he’s not that into you and he’s not planning on rescheduling.” And so on.

But you know what was so great? I could actively feel myself battling my insecurities. I could feel my new self fighting against the old. Not only that, the entire situation brought to light that there are still old insecurities that I do need to work on, and now I can! Which is amazing. Ultimately, I am glad that that’s how things turned out. Every situation I happen to encounter now, becomes a test of how much I’ve learnt and how much I still have to learn.

Another thing I learnt as a result of that situation – as soon as I read that text, I began to make plans with Leila and Avery. But in the midst of that, I suddenly thought to myself – what was so bad about being alone for the night? After all, I’ve been practicing spending time with just myself and becoming comfortable with my own company for quite some time this year. As much as I would have loved to hang out with them, I was passing up a perfect opportunity to just be on my own. So, I cancelled the plans and headed home after work.

And honestly? I enjoyed it so much. The quiet house, the gossip girl episodes, eating cheese cake from straight off the platter and food directly out of the containers. Despite the earlier events, the day turned out to be perfect. And, everything happened exactly as it was meant to.

The next day, I knew I wanted to challenge myself further – with no one home to impose a curfew on me, why not go out all night and adventure throughout downtown, alone?

I began to look up places that stayed open throughout the entire night, made note of a few that caught my eye, and created a general plan for the night. I knew that no matter where I went, I wanted to end up at harbourfront by the early morning so that I could watch the sun rise over the lake, and meditate.

This night, the night of August 18th/19th, was one the best nights of this summer, year, and possibly of my life.

This night deserves a deeply detailed log, and it’s currently very late and I’m growing tired. So, I’m going to end this here, and continue on tomorrow when I get a chance.

But before I go.

I have this… feeling, this buzzing sense of excitement, that I am on the exact path I was meant to be on all along. I am learning so much, not only about myself but about this life, and I can’t wait to see what else lies in store for me.

Until tomorrow then!

Love,

Me.

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