Day 234 – August 22nd, 2017

Good morning! Oh boy, I’m really starting to lag behind in these logs! It is now Tuesday, August 22nd. And this week is already gotten off to an incredible start, and today is no exception in how much of an amazing day it’s promising to be! But first – I must finish about Saturday, Sunday, and then yesterday (Monday). Alright, back to Saturday, August 19th.

As I was walking back from Harbourfront to Union station to grab the train to go home, a thought dawned on me. I wanted to remember this night forever. And the one lesson, above all, that resonated with me the most? The idea of “letting go”. I wanted that with me forever. I wanted to remind myself, in my every present moment, to not hold on to or become attached to unnecessary things. I realized, I wanted a tattoo.

I could see it in my head. On my left wrist, in simple, loose-flowing script. But would it be “let go”? Or “let it go?” But the “it” of the “let it go” spoke of an object, and idea, the “attachment” if you will. I didn’t want “it” to be on me. Just purely the notion of detachment. And so, I chose “let go”.

And the minute this idea was in my head, I knew I needed to have it as soon as possible. I didn’t need to think about it, didn’t need any time to consider whether or not I wanted to commit to it. I just, knew. My “inside” knew.

I made a quick game plan – go home, sleep for 2 hours, wake up, and call each tattoo place I’ve ever gotten tattoos at to see who would be available for a walk-in before I had to go to work.

I did just that – and it turns out, the only place available was the one that I’d gotten my “maktub” tattoo and my Roman numeral tattoo done at. I was a little hesitant, because of what happened to my Roman numeral tattoo. But then I realized, my “maktub” turned out so well, and so I would just ask for the same girl to do this tattoo as well since she did such a good job. And with that, I got ready and headed out.

She and I worked together on the idea for about an hour. We went through about ten to fifteen different font ideas, we even looked up the phrase as a tattoo for design ideas. Finally, we narrowed it down to a few that resonated the most with both of us. She printed out a whole bunch for me, and let me look at them. I stared at each one in turn, trying to see which one made my heart skip a beat, relying on my intuition.

And there was this one that I knew had the most potential, but it just seemed like something was missing. She gave me a pencil, and I started playing around with it, adding tiny details like elongating the swirl of the l, and so forth. And then she could see where I was going with it, and added some details herself. The final product? Perfection. I loved that we had collaborated and turned it into something a little more custom and original than just a simple font.

It took about fifteen minutes to do, and she did an incredible job. It has to be one of my all-time favourite tattoos, for sure. My heart was singing afterwards, and I couldn’t stop looking at it. I still can’t.

And now, every time I have a conversation with someone where they’re bombarding me with their negativity, complaints, exhaustion, bad energy, or anything of that sort? Once I walk away, I simply look at my wrist, breathe deeply, and let go. Every time I catch myself getting lost in my thoughts about some past event that causes me feel things that are unnecessary? My wrist is right there to remind me to let go. If I ever start to worry about some distant event in the future that may or may not even happen and the anxiety begins to bubble up in the pit of my stomach? I now have the means to remember to let go. Let go of my fears, my worries, my anxieties, my insecurities, my attachment to the unnecessary. The more consistently I cultivate this mind frame, the more consistent my happiness will become.

This was, hands down, one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself.

After I got that done, I went to work and had an amazing shift. Which brings me to Sunday!

I worked, and once again it was another great shift. But some extra great things happened that day too! For instance, Leila was at the CNE that day and she encountered some extremely rude people, and while that experience had the potential to ruin her whole day, she instead chose to breathe, smile and let go of it. And then she was happy once more! And that’s when she realized, she’d also like to get a “let go” tattoo as well.

I’M SO EXCITED! Not only is this going to be her first tattoo, it makes me so happy and I’m so honored that we will be sharing the same positive mantra, for how deeply it’s resonated with us both. I want everyone in my life to be as purely and consistently happy as possible.

So that’s what we’re going to be doing today – she’s going to be coming with me to my tattoo shop, and then after she gets the tattoo done we’ll be going for ramen. Hence why I know this day is going to be exceptional!

Going back to Sunday though – Olivia and Alycia came home!!! And finally, they’re home for GOOD! As much as I enjoyed having the house to myself the entire weekend, it was equally as nice to have my entire family be home as well.

And one last great thing about Sunday (actually, it started Saturday night, picked up Sunday, and continued into yesterday which was Monday).

Of course I’m going to be approaching all of this with a healthy detachment after everything I’ve experienced this weekend, but also who am I if I’m not celebrating the little details that make me happy?

So, after I got my tattoo done, I sent Dylan a snapchat of it because I knew he and I share the same mutual love for tattoos. And later on Saturday evening, he texted me to ask me where I got it done, and to tell me he much he liked it, and that he loved how ballsy of me it was to do so spontaneously, which was nice of him.

We talked briefly about it, which led into him asking me on Sunday, if I would be working on Monday, because he wanted to return my book to me before he went off to Vegas. (And yes, while I am keeping my expectation level on the lower side, a part of me couldn’t help but be a little happy that he was trying to make an opportunity for us to see each other before he left as opposed to after he came back).

My curiosity was piqued at this point – did he finish the book, and did he like it? That book was super inspiring to me, a contemporary version of “Outwitting the Devil” if you will. Not only that, there were so many different wisdoms in it that resonated with me that I high-lighted a lot of it to remember. I couldn’t help but wonder if the book resonated with him too. Because, that would speak of his own self-awareness and conscientiousness – someone who wasn’t ready to receive that kind of wisdom, would not be able to take in what the book was offering to them. I definitely want to share all of this knowledge I’ve been acquiring as of this past year with the people I care about in my life but as I’ve also learnt, you can’t teach someone who isn’t willing to learn. If someone isn’t in the stage of their life where they’re actively seeking growth and awareness, then nothing you will say or share with them with make a difference. So, I was curious.

I asked him if he had finished, and turns out that he hadn’t – he was about three quarters of the way in, but felt bad because he felt as though he’s had the book forever.

So I proposed two ideas back – if the book was appealing to him and he was enjoying it, then I was in no rush whatsoever to get it back any time soon. He should definitely keep it and finish it. But, if he felt he had gotten all he could out of the book, then I understood that as well and there was no pressure to finish it. (As much as I would have loved to have seen him, I would rather he get all he could out of the book to aid in his own growth and wisdom because I know now that I’ll see him when I’m meant to).

To my delight, he wanted to keep it and finish it up on the plane to Las Vegas and asked if I would be okay with that, to which I whole-heartedly agreed.

It got even better though – he shortly thereafter texted to let me know he sent me a cool video on IG to watch. I was working, but I decided to go outside and watch it so that I could really hear it and take it in. Not to mention, the sun was setting at that time and it was stunning.

The video was of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, talking about how once upon a time, when he was first starting out in his life, he was on the NFL as a part of the Calgary Stampeder’s team. And he was so happy, because in his mind at the time, that was the end goal for him, that was what he wanted for his life. And on the second day of playing, they cut him off the team! Of course, at that time, he was devastated – everything he worked for was taken away. But years down the line, when he looks back it now, after everything he’s achieved? He said that that was the best thing to NEVER happen to him. He said to have faith in the universe, because you never know what’s really meant for you, even if in the moment it seems as though you’re failing. Everything happens for a reason, even if the reason only becomes apparent years down the line.

I watched it twice, and then immediately texted back saying how much I loved it, because it reminded me of the “maybe” parable that he had told me about weeks ago when he and I were in deep discussion at work. It was a direct example of how you never really know in what ways one experience in your life, be it bad or good, will affect the rest of your life.

And he completely agreed, and said that he had thought of me right away because of how the two stories go hand in hand so well. (My heart flipped at this point, couldn’t help it heh).

I ended up sending him a favourite clip of my own (a video that Anne actually sent me), by Denzel Washington, a short inspirational speech about changing your perception of failure called “Fall Forward”. He said it was outstanding, and that it got him so fired up that he ended up driving down to the gym to get a quick work out in, LOL. So cute. I also sent him a meme I’d seen recently that had to do with Eminem which made him laugh, and then another inspiring clip of Will Smith talking about the pointlessness of fear.

But the gist of all of this stuff?

While I was sitting outside, I put my phone down for a second to contemplate the significance of this exchange to me.

I don’t know what’s going to happen and this weekend has helped me to come to terms with this fact, and I’ve accepted it in order to practice that healthy level of detachment towards it all in a way that allows me to eradicate my anxieties and insecurities. I told myself at the beginning of this year that whatever relationship I decided to engage in next, I would strive to be my healthiest, most self-loving and independent me possible, and that’s exactly what I intend to do.

But regardless of not knowing what the future holds – this exchange of motivational videos, growth-inducing concepts and positivity-focused perceptions? This is what I want for myself. This is the kind of exchange of ideals I want for whatever relationship I choose to invest myself in. I want to be with someone who will be open to learn from the wisdom I acquire, as well as someone who is eager to share with me what they learn themselves, too. I want to be with someone who is positive in every aspect of their life, who is motivated to make their life as amazing as possible. So, as simple as this text conversation was? It made me really, really happy.

I never realized how important it was to me, to be able to be with someone I could share all of this wisdom with. But now, I can’t imagine it any other way. I can’t imagine being with someone who chose to remain stagnant in their life, unaware of themselves or their place in this world. I know that I still have so much to learn, not only about myself but also about this world, about awareness, about heightening my own energy and vibration, and living my best life. And I’m so excited about it all! But what kind of relationship would it be if I couldn’t share this excitement and growth with the person I chose to be with?

Which is why that text conversation made me smile, inside and out. The potential for so much good (and constant growth) is there. I don’t know what’s meant to happen but… the possibilities abound. I’m looking forward to whatever could be, no matter what it will end up being.

Finally, I am all caught up! Holy, it took a while. Now I must get ready to meet Leila at the tattoo place!!! I can’t even BEGIN to explain how excited I am!!!

I’ll write today in the evening to add more to this log, about how today went, and how the rest of my week is looking.

My heart is happy. I am content. I am excited for all that this life has to offer. Here’s to the adventure I’m about to embark on with my best friend, and here’s to living my best, fullest, most happiest life!

Until later,

Love, love, love, so much love,

Me.

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