Day 273, 274, 275, 276, 277, 278 – September 30th – October 5th, 2017

Holy Jesus.

LOL. Okay. In my head, I’m already thinking about how daunting it’s going to be to write about everything I’ve experienced in the best trip I’ve ever taken in my life last week, as well as what I’ve missed in the past couple days since I’ve gotten back.

And I think that’s the reason that I’ve been holding off from writing because there’s literally so much to cover. But now that I’ve begun, it actually feels pretty good! I’ve genuinely missed this.

I don’t have to write about every single detail of my trip. Because, I was actually there in those moments, living them to the fullest, present in everything that happened to me. I can still feel the soft sand between my toes, the heat of the ocean water, the scent of salt and sun in the air. The sound of the rain at night, the breeze blowing through the palm trees. Ah. I miss it.

I’ll just go day by day of the trip, and write about the moments that stood out most to me, and just go with the flow. If I forget something, then it just means I was meant to let it go. So, no stress.

For a short trip, it feels like we did so much! And we met so many amazing people and made some incredible connections.

Actually, I’m not going to go day by day, I’m just going to write about whatever comes into my head that stands out the most, LOL.

Like – okay so, you know how we were denied a beach front room when we first got there? I know Luna was so bummed, because when we were planning this trip, she was so set and determined to get a room with a view of the beach. And I told her that the universe would hear us and we would definitely end up with one. We weren’t unhappy with the room we got though – it still had a balcony, and it was cozy.

When we were checking in though, we happened to meet a gentleman named Anthony who was very friendly. He said that I looked like a news anchor from CNN and we started joking around with him a little. He was really, really nice! And man. This connection we made goes to show how strong me and Luna’s vibes are, and how good our intuition is because…

The next day when we ran into him, he gave us two free vouchers for the breakfast buffet at Ferdinand’s, the expensive hotel restaurant! And not only that, he wanted to give us a free excursion to Stingray city that HE HIMSELF won as an award from the hotel!! Oh man. The kindness of this gentleman. We gave him two fragrances the next day, as a token of our appreciation. But his kindness didn’t end there.

The day after that, he called me in the evening, and what he said literally made me sink to the floor in shock as I tried to hold it together. He told us… that he could move us to a beach front room of our choosing. Every single one of us was in complete shock at the sheer luck we were experiencing during this trip. Actually, not luck – the manifestation of our positive energies.

We were so, so excited and so thankful. The room we chose was absolutely beautiful; we could simply open the backdoors and walk right out towards the pool, or the beach. We had the most perfect view of the ocean waves, and the sunset. It was just… amazing.

But he STILL didn’t stop there! The rest of the week, he offered us free drinks at the bar, and even left a free bottle of champagne and a plate of chocolate covered strawberries in our room on Mary’s birthday. And then at the end of our trip, he knocked a sizable sum of money off of our bill.

I’m still so in awe at the amount of kindness this one gentleman offered us throughout this week. He definitely had to be a hotel supervisor because he was able to pull all these kinds generous acts and every time we asked him if he was able to do these things with no repercussions, he’d wave his hand airily and say it as no problem.

Anthony’s kindness was definitely a huge part as to why this trip was so incredible for me. But there was so much more that also made my heart sing, that I have to address as well.

Such as our excursions. We did SOOOOO MUCH while we were there! A lot of it was just us adventuring ourselves too since we rented a car for the week, which gave us the freedom to explore the island as we pleased. We drove down to Starfish point, and hunted around for star fish! And I was the first one to see it: I can still vividly remember finding the first one and yelling at the top of my lungs in extreme happiness, because we were so sincerely hoping that we’d find at least one. But there were more! There were so many! I snorkeled around the area so that I could experience them in their natural habitat, which was so, so cool. The starfish were actually quite stiff, and their undersides looked like something out a horror movie LOL! It was such a cool experience.

But each experience after this just steadily increased in amazingness.

I have to go and get ready now, because I have class and then work after (and I’ll be seeing Dylan for the first time in a while! Gah, so excited.) I promise to myself that I’ll continue this when I get home! I have so, so much to cover and now I finally have the motivation to do so. Until then!

I’m back! I had a good day. But before I can go into that, I need to finish what I was saying from before.

Ah yes, I was talking about the incredible, life-changing excursions that we did! So the next day after Starfish point, we did our trip with Marvin’s Stingray company, which was a three-stop excursion, and hands down one of my favourite parts of the entire trip.

How can I even begin to capture how incredible it was to swim with these amazing creatures?! Especially underwater – they swam so gracefully that they looked like they were flying. And to touch them! Their skin felt silken and soft and they were so, so friendly and just, ah. I even fed one! And held one, and snuck in a little friendly kiss, hehe. Oh god, I was so in love. I wanted to swim with them forever.

We also went to a reef to snorkel and the reefs were absolutely beautiful, so much colour and sizes. And after that, we went to a place to feed hundreds of brilliantly coloured tropical fish by hand, underwater. It was such a sight to see – hundreds of jewel-coloured fishes in all kinds of shapes and sizes swimming all around me in no fear, trying to eat the piece of squid I held in my hand. Man, those little mouths packed some power!!! It was so, so much fun though.

I actually burst into tears after the stingray experience, but tears of pure happiness. That was the coolest, most adventurous thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I had to thank Mary for bringing travel and adventure into my life.

The next day, we found yet another way to adventure – we checked out the beautiful crystal caves that hooked me in the first place about these islands, and saw millions of years of stalagmites and stalactites in the making, frozen in time, embedded with millions of glittering crystals. It was astounding.

And after that, we headed out to Spott’s beach in hopes of seeing a sea turtle swimming in its natural habitat. At first, it was a little tricky getting past all the dense and dark seaweed, but once we got out there, it was exhilarating to fight against the really strong current and waves to swim out to sea. And the moment that Mary spotted one, it was like perfect synchronicity – I somehow knew to look in her direction as one was swimming right beside us!!!! Hands down one of the most heart-skipping moments of my life. It was so majestic, and massive and so, so peaceful. I was so incredibly happy and honoured to be witnessing it in its own home.

But I didn’t stop there – I was determined to see more! I ended up swimming about a mile off the shore by myself  (I can still recall feeling slightly nervous as the coral reefs began to appear, denoting that I had gone off very, very far). And there, I spotted two more sea turtles! One was swimming right alongside me to my right, and the other was feeding off the ground and I managed to sneak up just close enough to see him chewing on some seaweed (SO ADORABLE!)

There was so much more we did – stopping around the island to experience the culture, to eat the amazing food, to check out the rum (LMAO). We even went out for a night and ended up having the time of our lives because we hit it off with the DJ (who in turn offered us free Hennessey shots, UNREAL). There was so much to this trip that made it the most amazing experience of my life, for such a short time. All I really can say is, I’m truly grateful. I’m blessed. All I can think of doing right now is travelling, despite all the other obligations I have. But I know I need to be responsible and plan accordingly. The world will wait for me (I hope, as long as no mass wars break out). Either way, this year has been an incredible year for me and travel was definitely a huge aspect of it. Three different trips, all incredible and magnificent and wonderful in their own special ways.

Oh before I end off! I must talk about the incredible plane ride home packed full of synchronicities. I ended up taking Jake’s place on the plane because I didn’t want him to sit alone, but I ended up sitting next to some incredible people! I immediately hit it off with the stunning girl beside me named Julie – our vibes were exactly the same, on that higher level frequency of positivity and wisdom, and our conversations were so full of wisdom that both of us were in awe! She inspired me to be more kind and perhaps even start volunteering when I can, and I think I taught her to look at things differently too. I even sent her my entire booklist, because she felt that she needed a push in the right direction and I really think Outwitting the Devil will do that for her, which she promised to start off with.

Not only that, the very cute guy sitting in front of us turned out to be a diver’s instructor from Cayman, who ended up giving pretty much the entire back of the plane a quick lesson about the basics of diving, which led to a very intense discussion about the nature of time, and questioning everything we’re taught. All in all, I was mind-blown at the series of circumstances that led me to sit where I sat, to meet the people I did.

I know people get used to the idea of coincidence or synchronicities, but I never want to get used to them! I always, always want to be in awe of the universe and the magical, mysterious ways that it works in. I never want to lose that sense of wonder. I never want to take these moments for granted.

Anyways, that’s the overall extent of my trip! I had an absolutely incredible time, and I will always cherish it in my heart. I know one day I’ll go back, and maybe this time I can take my family.

Speaking of my family… some bad news.

It’s been a pretty long time since things have been bad. I’d almost forgotten what it was like. But when I got back from my trip, I actually got a pretty rough push back into reality.

My dad spent seven thousand dollars on lottery tickets and built up a debt for god knows how long, and my mom happened to find out while I was away.

When I came home, my mom hugged me for a really long time and I realized she was crying and I could almost literally feel her emotional pain emanating out of her. It was so sad.

Anyways, I ended up sitting down with my mom and dad to figure out what could be done for the short-term – my dad got a second job, a night job, in order to pay off that massive debt. My mom went to go see her family doctor at my urging because she was having suicidal thoughts, and he diagnosed her with depression. I’m not surprised – I think I’ve kind of known for a long time. This is just the first time in our lives it’s ever been said out loud.

My mom has been our rock, our hero, our strength, all our lives. But now I realized she’s a woman, a human being, a person who came to this country with the hopes of falling in love, starting a family, and living in happiness. And all she’s ever gotten was the complete opposite, minus Olivia and I. My heart breaks for her.

And now, I also have to keep a careful eye on Olivia – I know she doesn’t respond well to these kinds of familial situations. This week, she missed a lot of class because she opted to stay home and watch shows. I know her method of coping is escapism, but she’s going to end up hurting herself more than anything else by avoiding her thoughts and feelings.

I know she’s hurting. I know she’s upset with my dad. I know she’s resentful. But these are all normal human reactions to have.

I pity my dad. I know he’s sick. I’m trying very hard to remain neutral towards him, to not be angry or resentful. I know he’s in pain too and I know he doesn’t want to hurt us. But man. It’s so hard. I find it hard to look at him sometimes. I really wish I didn’t feel that way.

We have to get through this as a family. But right now, there’s a lot of division – my mom tells me every day that she can’t stop thinking about what he’s done, and that she hates him, and that he’s selfish. I know a part of her understands that he is ill, but the bigger part of her is just angry, so hurt, and so done. I know that that’s going to take some time.

I don’t really know what’s going to happen, long-term wise. I know my mom wants out. I don’t think she can handle another occurrence like this one anymore. She’s getting old, and time is passing by. She needs to live out the rest of her life in happiness, as she deserves.

We’ll see. For now, we just need to get past the next couple weeks with all of our sanities intact. So, one step at a time, one day at a time.

I myself have vented to a couple close, trusted people in my life because I know that as much as I need to be strong for my family, I also can’t hold everything in and act like I’m okay. And the universe heard me too, because the very next morning after the talk I had with my mom and dad, my counselor emailed me and scheduled an appointment with me for next week, which I’m very much looking forward to. I’ve missed seeing her, and I’d love to discuss all of this with her because I know she’ll help.

Anyways, that’s about it for that! We’ll see how things go.

How have things been this week? Well, I went back to school, and I got some test banks for my upcoming midterm, so that’s a relief. I definitely have some catching up to do, but I’m not worried. I’m genuinely enjoying my classes and everything I’ve been learning as of late, so that’s not a burden to me. I just need to stay on top of things, but the motivation is there still despite everything, and that makes me happy. I never, ever want to experience that lack of motivation that plagued me for years, ever again.

I started demoing! And I love it. It’s so much easier, I know I have to be a bit more assertive in sales but it’s a little bit of a rush in all honesty, to be able to make a sale when I can.

Which leads me to today!!!! It was a really good day.

I was super excited because I knew I was going to be seeing Dylan, and I hadn’t seen him in a while. Ever been so attracted to someone that you counted down the hours to the moment you knew you’d see them? Because that was me, today :$

Anyways, once I got to the department, I said hi to everyone and settled in, as per usual. And about half an hour into my shift, Dylan decided to say hi to me by creeping up behind me and scaring the living daylights out of me, LOL! So cute. I immediately turned around and gave him a huge, huge hug (while sarcastically thanking him for the scare, which made him laugh).

He was so excited to hear all about me and Luna’s travels! For a while, it was just he and I talking about it though – I told him that it was my favourite trip of all time, and I even started tearing up again while talking about the stingray experience (which he was quick to point out).

We told him lots of funny stories and interesting stories from the trip, to which he listened intently to. But once again, as per usual, he and I ended up talking just us two for a duration of the shift. Only this time, I was a little agitated because…

Some of my coworkers were starting to watch us talk, and I even heard one make a comment about singing a love song in the background.

I know I can’t control what other people do, say or think, ergo I shouldn’t stress or worry about what I can’t control. But sigh. It’s a little frustrating. I do love my department and everyone in it, but just like a tight-knit enormous family, literally everyone likes to talk and wants to be in the know about everything.

I’m not going to change how I act towards him though. I don’t have anything to hide, and despite my desire to stay lowkey as possible about this, all we’re doing is talking and that’s it. So whatever aspersions people want to cast at it, so be it. I’m not saying anything about it to anyone, and assumptions lead to people making asses out of themselves anyways, soooo. That’s that.

Anyways, we talked about other stuff too, like about his trip away with his family over the weekend, which was really nice for him since he loves nature and fishing.

At one point, he told me he’d be really interested in trying archery and shooting a crossbow, and I vaguely agreed that that would be something really cool to try, since the form that archery requires has always intrigued me. And then I brought up how I’ve always wanted to try axe-throwing too, and that I’ve been meaning to since there’s a place to do so close by. And he said he’d be down to try that with me sometime, whenever I’m free! I know I immediately lit up and was like, “really?!” and he nodded back enthusiastically. That made me happy.

And he also asked me when my birthday was, because for some reason he thought it was on the 17th (which is incidentally Eminem’s birthday, which he apparently didn’t know but seemed impressed that I did, LOL). I confirmed that it was the 18th, and it was the perfect segue into asking him if he’d be down to come to my birthday thing on the 21st.

He immediately lit up and said he was so down to come at first, which made me really happy! But then his face began to fall as he reconfirmed the date – turns out, he’s got a MMA tournament in Detroit that weekend. We both kind of looked at each other sadly for a second, and then I of course said something extremely derpy along the lines of “I’ll just pretend you’re there and… shoot at the air…” (WHY. AM. I. LIKE. THIS.) to which he responded jokingly that I’m actually lucky that he’s not going since I’d end up going home covered in bruises, because he’s a pretty good shot. I joked back that I’m a pretty good shot too, or at least I thought I was because of COD.

Well, that’s okay! It’s happened as it’s meant to, so maybe the universe has something else in store for me in regards to that.

The rest of the shift we were both sort of busy-ish, I went on break and he was talking to his mom, but I did get some moments here and there to talk to them both, which was nice. It’s been a while since all three of us worked together, me, Sera and Dylan.

I honestly love their dynamic, the way they talk to one another and joke around.

Towards the end of the shift, he told me he was leaving around the same time that I was, and I lamented that I had to leave a little early so that I could catch the bus, and him being the gentleman that he is, he immediately offered me a ride home (did I plan this? Perhaps… but I’ll never tell. xoxo, Gossip Girl.)

I ended up explaining a little about how I usually got a ride home from my dad when I worked nights but that I couldn’t anymore since my dad picked up a second job, which led to me explaining briefly why he had to take up that second job. We got interrupted though before I could continue any further though.

He mentioned to his mom that he’d be giving me a ride home, and I immediately felt bad because I knew he was tired from working a double shift today, but he wouldn’t hear it when I tried to mention this. So sweet, sigh.

It got a little busy but promptly at eight, he headed out to grab the car and I lingered behind a little to grab all of my things and say goodbye to everyone. When I got to the car, he was talking to one of the people we know from the store, and that person opened the side door for me so that I could get in, and closed it behind me LOL. Oh well! At least he’s not someone who works directly in our department.

On the way home, he started asking me more questions about my family and our current predicament, and I just vented, literally let everything out. And he kind of talked a little bit about himself too, but very vaguely, which stayed true to my theory about him – he’s very, very guarded. And he won’t just let anyone in that easily. But I’m perfectly absolutely okay with that, because that just means the day he does decide to let me in (if he does, which I hope he will), then that means I will have truly earned it. Once again, I’m in no rush. I’m just glad that he knows that I do trust him like that, enough to tell him these kinds of intricate details.

Closer to my house, I told him that Sera had told me about this one Pink Floyd song that I had to listen to, so he played it for me so that I could hear it. Only, we were already turning onto my street as I had said this, so I wouldn’t have been able to hear the main part of it. So, he slowed down to a crawl’s pace as we went down my street, just so I could listen. So cute.

Once we got to my house, I finally felt comfortable enough (for once) to not throw myself out of the car in a panic (thank god). I leaned over to give him a super warm hug, the kind that gave ME butterflies since I could feel the heat of his body against my arms. Sigh. I thanked him for the ride home and apologized for venting as much as I did, which he waved off and told me not to worry about. He said he’d see me Saturday (we’re both going to be working again), and told me to try to sleep (so sweet).

Le sigh. Still head over heels, as per usual. Only now, the patience has really and truly sunk in and now all that’s really there is this nice warm anticipation as to what’s to come, no matter what it may be. I’m excited, and I’m happy.

Anyways! That’s about it for this doozy of a catch-up log! Man, the amount of things that occurred in these past two weeks. I really, really need to keep up with my writing, at least for my own sanity’s sake.

I can’t wait to see my counselor next week! And I’m looking forward to this weekend because I actually have a couple days off so I can catch up on all my readings, notes, study for my midterm next week, and start on the assignment I have due as well. No nervousness or anxiety about any of that, which is amazing. I just need to stay on the ball about it all, and make proper use of my time management skills. That means ABSOLUTELY NO PROCRASTINATING WHATSOEVER MISSY. YOU GOT THAT!?

Yes ma’am!

Well, I’m hoping I’ll get a chance to write tomorrow, but seeing as I have class and yet another work shift right after, it doesn’t seem too likely. So if not tomorrow, then definitely Saturday after my shift! Until next time!

Love always,

Me.

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