Day 284 to 290 – October 11th to 17th, 2017

Hello, hello! It’s been a really long time since I’ve written! But, it’s because last week was chock-full of midterms as well as assignments, and then I went straight into a busy weekend full of demo shifts. So it’s all good! I’ve finally found that quiet moment I’ve been waiting for.

But where am I exactly? Well…

I’m currently in downtown, in a Denny’s. There’s exactly one hour and 18 minutes left of this day, and left of me being twenty-four. These are my last moments of this age, and I’m spending them with my sister. We were at Harbourfront earlier, having deep talks and reflecting. I got to contemplate out loud how far I’ve come this past year. And man. What a difference a year can make.

I am definitely not the person I was one year ago today. I am miles away from that person. I am happier, more content, at peace, and I love myself more than I ever have in my life. I still have ways to go in terms of growth, but that just makes me even more excited for this upcoming chapter of my life.

I used to stress so much about my birthday. Not the birthday itself, but the fact that I was getting yet another year older. I hated it! How sad is that!? I’m LUCKY and BLESSED to be saying hello to yet another year of life!!!

For the first time since I’ve entered my twenties, I’m finally content and have accepted where I am in my life. Better yet, I know that I’m going to end up exactly where I’m meant to. So now, I am whole-heartedly embracing the fact that I am turning twenty-five. I can’t believe I’ve been blessed with the chance to live for a quarter of a century. And what a quarter of a century it’s been.

I’ve done so much, been blessed with so many opportunities to travel, to see the world, to meet new people. And I still have so much to see and do! I can’t wait to see what twenty-five holds for me.

So what have I done in this past year of my life?

Better question is, what haven’t I done? LOL.

I ended my relationship of three years, I travelled to three different countries, I got a second job, I quit both and got a better job with better pay, I got back into school with all of my might, I kept up with counselling, I spent time with the people I love, made amazing memories and laughed until I cried. But most importantly? I spent this year of my life falling in love with me. I forgave myself for whatever self-perceived mistakes I’ve made, I offered myself sincere compassion and a helping hand, I meditated and worked out and took care of my mental well-being. I spent time with myself, took myself out to the movies and to dinner, watched the sunrise on my own, adventured out and about by myself until I learned to become comfortable, (and happy!) with my own company. I learnt that I have an incredible inner energy that radiates out of me; I learnt that I can protect it but also offer it to the people who deserve it or need it. I finally learned the true nature of consistency – it came from within me. The moment I chose myself, the moment I chose to fill my inner well, everything else in my life became stable. All the bridges and foundations in my life finally stabilized, grew stronger. My relationship with myself shed light on every other relationship I’ve cultivated in my life.

I am in awe of how far I’ve come. And I am so incredibly excited for everything else to come, for me.

And now, that last hour is ticking away. And so, I’m going to wrap up this log with a little letter from my twenty-four year old self to my future twenty-five year old self.

Hi Steph! This is twenty-four year old you talking to you.

I just want to say, thank you. Thank you for choosing you. For choosing me. Thank you for realizing the one thing you were lacking in your life was self-love. Thank you for being brave, so brave, and letting go of your biggest comforts in pursuit of a truer and lasting happiness and contentment.

I am so, so incredibly proud of you, and how far you’ve come. Your past selves could have never imagined this for you, but you did it.

This life has every possibility and every opportunity of being as beautiful, fully-lived and incredible as possible, and I know you won’t stop this journey of self-love and self-discovery for as long as you shall live, because it is a never-ending lesson. Self-love is a process that will last you the rest of your entire life – you will always be learning new ways to draw it into your life, your self.

We did so, so much together this year! We’ve seen such beauty in this world – we went to Hawaii, to Las Vegas, to the Cayman Islands. We met some incredibly amazing people, made some unforgettable memories. And better yet, we’ve documented it all here! If you ever need to go back and remember how far you’ve come, all the things you’ve done, you most certainly can.

I have a happiness in my heart that I hope you will cultivate and maintain for as long as we shall live.

I am so excited for you! One year from now, what will you have done? What will your life be like? Who will you have met? What will be different? I am so curious. But, I know you will remain living in your present moments and appreciate them fully as they come.

I just want you to know, in this moment right here, with Olivia sitting across from you in this diner, and you in downtown, your heart was full. And you were ready to let go of this year of your life, understanding and appreciating everything you’ve done for yourself.

I can’t wait to see what you’re going to do next. There’s so much to come! So much to be excited for!

One thing I do know for sure – there’s no going back. Everything you learned in this past year of your life, you will never be able to unlearn. It will be with you for all time to come.

Remember: do not attach any weight or gravity to your thoughts or emotions – they are fleeting, they are not facts. Your “truth” is malleable; your reality is what you shape it to be by your choices. And you always, ALWAYS have a choice. EVERYTHING is a choice. How you react to the things that occur, how you choose to perceive those events. Your energy is precious, like molten gold – protect it at all costs. Love yourself, nurture yourself. Take moments to yourself to center yourself when you feel yourself going off-kilter. Read, read, read, as many books as you can get your hands on. Keep reiterating these lessons in as many ways as you can because these are the kinds of lessons that do not age. Meditate. Breathe. Let go. Always admit that you know nothing so that you can continue to learn everything there is to know in this life. You will never, ever stop learning or growing, don’t let yourself stop. Make efforts towards the people in your life that you care about. Cultivate those relationships. Quality will always trump quantity. Time is not your enemy. Love hard. Never be afraid of pain. Let yourself be vulnerable. Never close your heart. Be patient. Have faith. Believe in the universe and everything it can do. Work with it to manifest everything you could ever want for yourself. Your dreams will always be at your fingertips. Fall forward. Failure is not the end of the world. Everything happens for a reason, when it’s meant to, and exactly as it’s meant to. What is written, will occur. Everything in this life that is meant for you, will find you. You attract what you put out into the universe. And last, but not least…

Be thankful, for everything, for every day you’re given, for every lesson you’ve learnt, for every person you’ve met, every blessing you’ve received, every opportunity you’ve created for yourself, and for what’s to come. Exquisitely, deeply, truly and sincerely. Always.

I love you. I am so proud of you. Thank you for learning to love you.

Happy Birthday.

Love always and in every way there ever could be,

Me.

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