Day 318 + 319 – November 14th & 15th, 2017

HELLO!!!!!!!!

I AM HIGH ON LIFE RIGHT NOW.

Okay, let me dial it back a bit. And explain.

Basically. I went over to visit my cousin Anne yesterday in Oshawa, spontaneously. And it was EXACTLY what I didn’t even know I needed!

Anne lives with this girl named Reina, and this girl… she’s WOKE. Like, fully conscious, present, aware and mindful as hell. She is exactly what I would like to become, where I want to end up and keep progressing towards. Her aura, literally simply being around her energy replenishes your own. I asked her a whole bunch of questions to gain insight on certain topics and it was absolutely amazing. It was just like talking to Sanjeev on that summer night.

There’s something so compelling about speaking to someone who has learnt how to control their mind, who is aware of everything both externally and internally.

Anyways, we woke up before sunrise this morning to do some yoga. It was my first time, and man it wasn’t easy! But I pushed through as much as I could and ended up genuinely enjoying it. It was simultaneously invigorating yet relaxing. We did the yoga as the sun rose, and it was such an incredible experience. After that, we meditated for half an hour, and after that, we did a full on intensive work-out for another hour. Safe to say, this morning was fucking kick-ass LMAO.

I felt like a straight up goddess, invincible. My body feels so, so good, and as a result so does my mind and my energy. In fact, my energy is super high right now! (Hence the all caps greeting at the start of this log LOL).

I’m so absolutely proud of myself for making the most of my time and making time for me. It’s so important to keep up and invoke these amazing new habits because I know there will be a spill-over effect that will influence and better every other aspect of my life in a beautifully positive way.

I feel so centered. I need to keep doing these things in order to stay centered. And now more than ever, I am so determined to master my thoughts and separate myself from the incessant internal dialogue of my mind. I am not my thoughts. I am not my emotions. I am the consciousness behind all of that, experiencing and watching in the center of my being.

I am the stillness in between those thoughts. I am the quiet moments in meditation. I am infinite, boundless potential energy. I am of the universe and the universe is of me.

All that matters is that I keep striving upward into this knowledge until it becomes my first nature. I am fostering new habits to eradicate the old.

This experience has jump-started my desire to make the most of my time even more! I want to get back to drawing, because it was in doing the things that I loved that my mind truly went still – when I was painting my wall during the summer, I can now look back in retrospect and see how quiet my mind truly became. I have to buy incense to enhance my meditation sessions, I want to increase the amount of times and time I spend meditating per day from once a day before I sleep to half hour sessions every morning and night. I want to wake up even earlier than the time I’ve set for myself because there’s honestly so much that can be done while I’m awake – why waste even a moment more than necessary for sleep!? I want to exercise even more intensely and for longer periods and see how far I can take my body and my health and fitness.

I want to go to Oshawa to do yoga with the girls at least once a week, if I can manage. I have this feeling that yoga could truly transform my body and mind if I stick with it.

Reina told me that in order to make mindfulness my first nature, I must be mindful of every single thing that I do, and in every moment I experience. No more watching shows while I eat – I must be present through every mouthful, every chew, every swallow. No more listening to music while I do my makeup – makeup is something I love to do and I can turn even that into a form of meditation if I solely choose to be present and mindful as I do it.

Eventually, I will be able to catch myself getting lost in my thoughts so quickly that I no longer get lost in them at all. Soon, I will be in control of them, not the other way around. I will use them to better myself, to maintain my clarity. I will not allow them to keep me in the past or live in fear of the future. And I am SO EXCITED to get to this point, because I know I will.

Anyways, I just wanted to write that down real quick. Mom and Olivia are watching a rom-com in the living room and although I am buzzing with energy and I want to start drawing and I want to read and I want to continue this for as long as I can because I’ve missed writing to myself (even though it’s only been a day), I think I should spend some quality time with them because I don’t get to often.

So, until tomorrow!

Here’s to… life! The universe. The infinite possibilities that exist just beyond the reach of my fingertips… that will soon be within my grasp.

Love always,

Me.

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