Day 341, 342, 343 – December 7th, 8th, & 9th, 2017

I can’t believe how quickly things are happening over the course of this month. It’s as though everything happens at once, now that this year is drawing to a close. Setting up the way that next year, the new chapter, will begin.

When it rains, it pours eh?

Also, I can’t even begin to fathom the way that the universe works. I’m truly in awe.

Okay, okay. I’m getting ahead of myself here. But where do I even start?

Alright, long story short at first: Dylan’s been let go from work, for good. He’s not allowed back.

I’m going to have to backtrack into how everything led to this in order for any of this to make sense, because there are a lot of things that led to this.

I haven’t really talked about here what’s been going on at work, because I’ve been doing my best to keep out of it and stay separate from all the negativity and politics that’s been going on. But, yesterday, it finally got to me a little. I’m okay now because I know that everything happens for a reason, and happens exactly as it’s meant to. And ultimately, it has nothing to do with me – I can go to work, do my job, and go home. As much as I’ve been practising being non-reactive and it’s been going well, yesterday I chose to react. And that’s okay.

Throughout this Christmas season, my team has been doing very, very well. We’ve been pulling in thousands of sales on a daily basis, and we have a very strong team who respects one another. We work well with each other.

But this has created some serious tension in our department as a result. Why?

Jealousy. Greed. There’s no other explanation for it.

Sure, there are “rules” in the department, regulating how we work. But our team was working with those rules, not around them. And as a result, we were flourishing.

People chose to not understand so that they had justification for complaining about us.

And when I say complain… it was a full-on attack from all sides. I’m sure everyone’s taken a moment to complain about our team, our success, our “unfair advantage” in their eyes.

Now, a part of me is watching me type this, knowing that I don’t have to. I can easily talk about what happened yesterday without having to delve into and give power to this negativity. But, this is another choice I’m consciously making for the time being. Right now, I want the context rather than the acceptance. I’m hoping that this will help me come to terms with my own thoughts and feelings so that I can properly let go, and properly prepare for my shift today.

(Because for the first time in my three years of working at this place, I’m finally dreading going into work).

Anyways, back to the context. Within my team, we have some family members working together. We may have a big team, but we have designated areas and lines for all of us, so that there’s no over-crowding. We have a lot of numbers to pull as well.

And so, people chose to use the family-member thing as a complaint. Comments were made about Sharon’s family, our team, that there were too many of us. No one cared that they were jeopardizing the jobs of single mothers who are trying to put their kids through school, trying to pay bills and take care of themselves and their family. No one cared that I have tuition to pay or bills to pay myself.

No one cared and no one chose to see past the possible consequences of the decision they were making to complain. And to complain, all because they weren’t selling as much as we were. To complain for the sake of complaining. All because Maria was doing well for herself. Because we were doing well as team.

Well. Now that that context has been set up.

There are a couple people that I’m aware of that have directly complained to our manager about my team. Kaleb, Ali and… Luna.

I know she tried to justify it. I know she explained time and time again that she was “trying” to understand, by asking us questions about who was working for what line, when there were a lot of us.

But she wasn’t. Because, Luna is such a “team-player” that when Kaleb and Ali complained to her, she couldn’t help but feel compelled to get involved, as she usually does.

A part of me feels that Ali and Kaleb knew exactly what they were doing when they complained to Luna. Luna has taken it upon herself to be the “defender of the department”. And unfortunately, the target was set on us. So, regardless of the fact that we’re all supposed to be friends, regardless of the fact that those complaints jeopardized our jobs, she still chose to take their side by putting in her own two cents to our manager too.

And I know she did, because she’s told me directly and tried to rationalize her comments too, by asking me if she was right or wrong.

She told our manager that when she used to work at HR at her old job, that family members weren’t allowed to work together.

Now, she says that she was just stating facts. But why? Why say anything at all? Why get involved? What did that benefit her, or us?

By making that comment, she chose what side she was on, and unfortunately her comments had some serious consequences.

Such as… that being the reason that Dylan got fired.

When Dylan was let go, he was told it was because he wasn’t allowed to work at our location while his mom was working there too.

And so, regardless of her intentions, regardless of whether or not she meant harm… her comments had some very serious consequences. Her choice to get involved led to a direct action. An action that has now jeopardized her relationships with everyone she once said she trusted the most in the department.

Including… me?

So, that’s what I’m wondering now.

How do I feel?

Well, before I get to that, let me finish the story.

Dylan had a shift yesterday, and I was keeping away from him because I knew if we went anywhere near each other, we’d end up talking just like we always love to do. But I didn’t want him to get into trouble. And he even mentioned that himself to me yesterday, that he couldn’t talk because he’d already been spoken to. And that was totally okay – I was just happy that he was there.

We did get a couple moments to speak, here and there. And at the end of his shift, he came over to give me a nice warm hug before saying goodbye.

And then later, while we were snapchatting, he told me he had good/bad news. That he’d been let go, for good, from our store. But, that he managed to pick up hours at another location.

I immediately felt my heart sink, and I actually sat down for a moment to ask him what happened.

He explained that our manager had given him the excuse that he couldn’t work there while his mom worked there, but we both knew there was more to it than that and everything was very sketchy. Nonetheless, he was done. His time with our store was over, for real.

Honestly? My heart was kind of breaking, LOL. We’d only just connected, for real. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye for good. I thought I had more time to come to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t be seeing him at work anymore, after this Christmas season. But the universe always has different plans, you know? I accept that.

So I told him. I told him that as happy as I was for him to be moving on, that I was also sad. That I’d miss working with him. I told him that we should hang out sometime, that I’d love to go with him to that sushi place that he told me about a while back.

And he said he was down, but he also added something that warmed my heart.

He said that he’d miss me too, and that he considered me to be one of his best friends, despite the fact that it’s only been a year that we’ve known each other. And I told him I felt the same – that I don’t want to lose our friendship because I’ve never met anyone like him before.

So, he said when he got back from the U.S. sometime next week that we’d hang out.

I immediately felt fear because, now it’s up to the universe. I promise to make my efforts where I can, but ultimately, what’s meant to be will be. And that scares me a little. I don’t know what’s going to happen, I don’t know for sure if we will stay friends and keep in touch and maintain this friendship that we’ve built over the course of this year.

But, rather than feed that fear, I’m going to choose to have faith. Faith in the universe, faith in myself, faith in our friendship and faith in him.

I accept that whatever happens is meant to happen. Even if that means that this is where our chapter closes.

But… I also promise myself that I won’t let it close without doing my part to maintain our friendship. I really don’t want to lose someone like him from my life. My feelings from this year, the summer, and all those attachments to the possibility of more have been set aside now. A friendship with this amazing person is more than I could have hoped for, and now, all I want.

So I made it through the duration of my shift while holding it altogether, but when I got home, I cried for hours LOL.

It was mostly out of anger for the unfairness of the situation. But I know a part of me was also crying about everything that’s been happening over the course of the past couple month with my family. As well as I’ve been holding everything together, I never really let myself process my emotions and I knew that. So, I guess this was just the trigger that let everything out.

Also because even though he didn’t work there often, I knew I would miss him a lot. First Diego, and now Dylan. I can’t believe the indignity and unfairness of this company. The politics, the downright cruelty. It’s appalling to me.

I just wasn’t ready for it, so I let myself react and process as I needed to.

And now, I’m left with how I feel towards Luna.

Honestly? Aside from Dianne and Sera’s feelings and relationship with Luna, I myself am upset.

Luna knew how much Dylan meant to me, of all people. It makes me sad that she didn’t realize the potential consequences of her own actions. Or, maybe a part of her did. But it ended up back-firing on her, anyways. Because now, her personal relationship with Sera has taken a huge hit. As has her relationship with Dianne.

I know she didn’t quite mean harm. But this is what happens when you don’t think your actions through. This is what happens when you take it upon yourself to get involved in everyone else’s business rather than minding your own, regardless of what your intentions may be.

She prides herself on her honesty and integrity but… then why say anything to our manager at all? What was the point? Why put in your two cents? See how destructive that one comment became?

I’m so sad. I’m disappointed. I love Luna, I will always be thankful for all the amazing opportunities she’s brought into my life through travel. But right now, at least until this Christmas season is over, I think I just need space.

And not just from her. I need distance from everyone at work. I need to separate the personal from the professional at work, and not engage with anyone about anything other than just work for the time being. At least until I can figure out if I need to leave, or move on, or if any mutual respect can be salvaged after this season.

She called me last night to tell me that Sera had told her that Dylan had been let go. But Sera didn’t tell her all of the reasons that Dylan had been let go – namely, about the direct effect that her comments had. And it’s not my place to tell Luna that, so I just listened to her speak and didn’t say anything. She could sense my energy was off though, I know. I could hear her discomfort through the phone, and she ended the call as quickly as it began.

I don’t know what’s going to happen today. I truly hope that Dianne and Sera will be honest with Luna and tell her the truth about the direct consequence her involvement had, but if they don’t, then it’s not my responsibility to say anything either. I can’t get involved anymore. So, I have to choose to let go.

Anyways, that’s everything that’s happened.

It’s been a whirlwind of a week so far, that’s for sure.

I’m glad I at least had one quiet moment with Leila this week, when I went over to Scarborough to help her with a poster for her job! It was so nice, relaxing and soothing to be around her energy. I need more of that – good vibes, genuine friendship and ease. Money will come and go but my energy is more valuable than any money in the world.

That’s about all I needed to cover for this log. I’ll write tomorrow after my shift! I’m hoping I can practice further being non-reactive, at peace, and at ease as these days fly by. I intend to direct all of my focus towards doing my job to the best of my ability, with a smile on my face and positivity radiating through my energy.

Until tomorrow!

Love always,

Me.

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