Day 365 – December 31st, 2017

Oh god. My heart is skipping beats as I type that title. 365! Day 365. I have made it through this entire year, documented every thing I went through, learned and experienced. I want to cry, but in happiness. What a year it’s been. This has to be one of the most amazing years of my life thus far.

And I have excited butterflies in my stomach because with everything I have learnt this year, I know for a fact that 2018 is going to be doubly better for everything I learnt and I can’t wait. Everyone’s saying it; that 2018 is going to be one of the best years yet. And with that collective energy, it’s bound to be manifested.

But here I am now, standing at the entrance of my work, waiting for Olivia and my dad to pick me up so that we can head to Brampton. I know I won’t find any other moment to reflect once I get there, so it has to be now.

So let’s begin.

One year ago, where was I?

In a relationship, comfortable but seeking more. I was unhappy, uncertain, but there was a flicker of a flame within me that knew there was more to life than what I was experiencing.

A flicker that grew into a roaring flame as this year progressed.

I ended that relationship of 3 years, and voluntarily launched myself out of that comfort zone as though I cut the string of my own catapult.

I began to read books that not only opened my eyes but my mind as well. This year, awareness, consciousness and mindfulness were all introduced into my life in many different ways.

I travelled, SO MUCH! I went to Hawaii, to Las Vegas, and even Grand Cayman Island! I snorkelled amongst hundreds of fish, with sea turtles and starfish and stingrays!!! I adventured on my own on the Las Vegas strip, enjoyed my own company and had a blast. I grew as a person amongst all the lush foliage and beautiful vibes of Hawaii, and explored almost the entire island of Grand Cayman.

I got back into school, my degree, and rediscovered why I got into Psychology in the first place. I renewed my faith in myself and my path, and finally cast away the idea of a “timeline” and that I was a failure for not following that timeline. I offered myself compassion instead, reached out to myself and pulled myself forward.

I began to invest in myself properly – I maintained my therapy consistently in order to rewire my old perceptions of self, to rewire the pains of my past and the effects they had on my current life situation. I worked out, I meditated consistently, began yoga, and fed my mind and soul through making sure I was surrounded by like-minded people.

This year has done so much for me. Actually, have done so much for myself within this year.

I cultivated and focused on my relationships with the people I care most about. I know sometimes I got busy and couldn’t quite keep up, but I never lost faith in my friendships with Leila and Avery. I know we’re all in this for the long haul, no matter what. I couldn’t be happier or prouder to have such amazing best friends in my life. I know we’re going to continue to grow together and inspire each other, be there for one another.

And my family, the people I’ve grown up with and who are now coming into their own. We bonded this year, spent time together making invaluable memories that I will cherish always. This year, we definitely grew closer than ever.

I maintained a friendship with Nick. We survived the post-breakup process, passed the harder tests and now we’re in a good place. I’m glad I didn’t lose connection completely.

I lost a what I thought was a good friendship too. I know it’s for the better though – it already feels like it’s come to its organic end now. Luna and I will never go back to what we had, and that’s okay. We spent a beautiful year together, travelling everywhere and laughing and learning together. This year has taught me that not everyone who comes into your life is meant to stay.

I worked three different jobs this year!!! I went from retail industry to the hospitality industry, did both at once at one point, and then left both to begin freelance demoing, which I know was ultimately meant for me. I shined – I thrived and flourished with the motivation my raise gave me. Finally, I am exactly where I am meant to be in this current moment.

I also faced a huge fear this year. I fell for someone hard, and I told him. I threw caution to the wind and let myself be as vulnerable as humanly possible. And, even though it didn’t quite go as expected, I know everything turned out exactly as it was meant to.

I gained an amazing new friend. Actually, Dylan happened to came by work today and he brought me some amazing tea from Lebanon that his grandmother brought back, which was really sweet. The way he looks at me still gives me butterflies, but I know those will make their way out as time passes. He still has so much to learn and ways to go, and so do I. But, I’m proud of me. I always will be. I hope he always knows that I meant every word I told him.

And so, in summarization (courtesy of an excerpt from my birthday log):

“I ended my relationship of three years, I travelled to three different countries, I got a second job, I quit both and got a better job with better pay, I got back into school with all of my might, I kept up with counselling, I spent time with the people I love, made amazing memories and laughed until I cried. But most importantly? I spent this year of my life falling in love with me. I forgave myself for whatever self-perceived mistakes I’ve made, I offered myself sincere compassion and a helping hand, I meditated and worked out and took care of my mental well-being. I spent time with myself, took myself out to the movies and to dinner, watched the sunrise on my own, adventured out and about by myself until I learned to become comfortable, (and happy!) with my own company. I learnt that I have an incredible inner energy that radiates out of me; I learnt that I can protect it but also offer it to the people who deserve it or need it. I finally learned the true nature of consistency – it came from within me. The moment I chose myself, the moment I chose to fill my inner well, everything else in my life became stable. All the bridges and foundations in my life finally stabilized, grew stronger. My relationship with myself shed light on every other relationship I’ve cultivated in my life.

I am in awe of how far I’ve come. And I am so incredibly excited for everything else to come, for me.”

My heart is so full. I can’t ask for more than this. This year was truly a blessing and a gift to me.

And so, with everything I have learnt this year, I look forward to applying it all once 2018 begins. I know 2018 will bring to me all that I seek, all that I know I deserve, all that is meant for me, all that I conspire to manifest with the universe.

I couldn’t be more proud of myself or more happy. This year was the year I fell in love with me. And I promise to myself that I will continue to cultivate, feed and nurture that love for as long as I live.

I’ve been through so much and I survived it all. And now I know with complete and utter faith, that no matter what life may bring to me, I will get through it all with my head held high and my heart open and free.

2017, thank you. Universe, thank you.

And me?

Thank you.

Here’s to ringing in this New Year with all the light and love that my heart can hold.

2018… 2018 is the start of a brand new 365-page book that I can’t wait to write. I look forward to what every page holds for me. I intend to make this chapter of my life one of the best yet.

Time to draw this chapter to a close.

With love, always.

Me.

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