Day 2 – January 2nd, 2018

Whoa. Just typing Day 2 kind of trips me out. Like it was just a couple days ago that I was typing in the Day 300’s! I still can’t believe how quickly 2017 flew by. I’m quite literally at the start of a brand new chapter of my life, an entire blank slate just waiting to be filled in.

I really like how motivated and driven my first log of this year was! I was just about to type “it’s going to take some time to implement those things” – why? Because, December kind of threw me for a loop and broke my positive habits and now I have to rebuild everything back up until it’s a habit again.

It’s all going to be fine though! Whenever I do something that goes against what I want for myself, alarm bells go off in my head. I need to keep listening to the alarm bells until I’m totally back on track with myself and my better habits.

I want discipline more than ever before. Discipline in regards to my spending, discipline in regards to the things I allow myself to indulge in, etc. But also discipline in regards to the working out and meditating as often as I want to as well.

Today was my last shift at work for the next two weeks! Amazing how I’m going from working almost 10 hours every day to not working at all for about half of this month. I definitely need it though. I need a break.

Speaking of a break – I’M LEAVING TO ANTIGUA IN ABOUT 4 DAYS!!!! With all of the craziness of the holiday season, I practically forgot about the fact that my mom, my sister and I are going on vacation oh so soon! I can’t wait. My mom is so excited; she bought herself a bikini for the first time in her entire life, which is SO FUCKING CUTE. She tried it on to show me and she was so happy, her face was glowing and it warmed my entire heart and soul. She deserves this so much. I promise myself that I’m going to make this the most amazing trip for her.

By the time we come back, about half this month will have already passed by. But, I shouldn’t be thinking that far ahead anyways. Everything is about the present moment.

How have things been?

Let’s see… work went by quickly! I also noticed today that Luna called in sick for about 90% of her shifts in the past two weeks or so. I think she’s stopped caring about the job now that her comfort zone has been eradicated. Because ultimately, she didn’t want to leave that job because it was comfortable for her; it’s easy, doesn’t require a lot of work, but also a lot of her “trusted” friends were there. It was a good place for her.

But now? No one that she was once close to speaks to her anymore, save for Sera because Sera has to keep up appearances and work with Luna.

I think she finally has the motivation she needs to seek opportunity elsewhere. And for her own sake, I hope she does! Maybe she’ll find what she needs somewhere else, and thrive off of a brand new change.

It’s still a little… I don’t know, fresh I guess. That that friendship is over. Each day gets easier though. It’s almost a relief on most days, that’s how I know that this was meant to happen. If I missed her or ached for her, my intuition would show me. But my gut is telling me that this is the way that things are meant to be.

Anyways! I’m looking forward to being off for the rest of this week. I’m planning on hanging out with Leila (I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HER FACE) and I’m hoping I’ll be able to hang out with some of my family one last time before we head off to Antigua!

Before I go – the tea that Dylan brought me was really, really good. And it was beautiful too; it was made of massive dried flowers that unfurled and bloomed once the water was poured in and as the tea steeped. It had this delicate floral taste to it which I loved, and it did soothe my stomach the way Dylan said it would.

I let him know that I loved it and thanked him for it, and he said he was glad he’d found someone who appreciates tea as much as he does.

We’ve been talking here and there and I’m glad that I got to see him at least once more before the year ended.

But man. Despite everything I know for a fact, such as how he only sees me as a friend and how he still has so much more to grow and learn, it’s little things like that that make it hard for me to let go of the feelings I had for him. I mean, it’s getting easier day by day; I think of him a lot less than I did before, and I’m genuinely glad that he and I are just friends because I know anything more than that probably wouldn’t have worked out well.

I just realized! In all the craziness of December, I never got to mention some great news (as well as the definitive reason I know that Dylan still has ways to go for himself). Sera is engaged!!!!!!!!!!

She told us during the dinner I had with the work girls, and my heart is so truly happy for her. Her fiancé is an incredible person who has been there for her through so much, her stability. (Side note – that dinner was so, so much fun! We stayed up late drinking wine and laughing and bonding and it was so nice to just be away from work and enjoy each other’s company).

However, Dylan wasn’t as happy to hear the news; Sera told us that whatever happiness she experienced evaporated within five minutes of telling Dylan and his brother the news. They didn’t react well – apparently, Dylan called Sera’s fiancé a scumbag and hung up on her multiple times when she told him the news. They got into a pretty massive fight. Sera’s so upset, and I feel for her – in all honesty, after everything she’s been through with her ex-husband, she deserves to be happy now.

I know that Dylan’s reaction is probably stemming from a place of sheer protectiveness and attachment, but the reaction itself is a little selfish.

I hope in time he’ll come around and see things from his mom’s perspective, and that he and Sera can patch things up (if they haven’t already).

Before Sera headed out, she asked me not to mention anything about it to Dylan unless he brought it up himself, and I promised I wouldn’t. I don’t know if we’re close enough for him to bring it up with me like that anyways, plus he also knows that Sera and I are friends so he probably won’t say anything about it.

But if he does happen to bring it up, I’ll try to give him honest friendly advice from a place of sincerity.

Life’s too short – Sera deserves this happiness and no matter what, she’s always going to be his mom. She’s not going anywhere.

Anyways, that’s about it for today! I’ll write tomorrow. OMG, WHICH REMINDS ME.

Tomorrow is January 3rd, which means it’s the one year mark since I broke up with Nick. I have to do the whole “one-year” mark reflection log!! Wow. I can’t believe it’s already been a year since then.

Until then!

Love always,

Me.

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