Day 15 – January 15th, 2018

Hello! Okay so, my first day back to reality went pretty well overall!

I woke up early this morning (thanks to Antigua’s one hour time difference), so I was able to collect myself and chill out this morning before work. Once I got there, the whole store was a disaster – there was a big flooding incident due to a pipe bursting over the weekend and so there were wires everywhere trying to suck out the moisture from the walls of the store. Man, I always miss the fun stuff LOL.

Once I got into my department, I said hi to whomever was there and proceeded to settle into my house and put my stuff away. And when I looked up, I saw Luna peering over at me from across the department, so I waved at her.

She looked super happy to see me and then started approaching me enthusiastically. But half way there, she sort of faltered and looked at me uncertainly like, “wait, is this okay?” So I nodded and shrugged like, “yeah, it’s all good!”

I know she wanted to ask me about my travels, so it was fine. She came over into my house and started asking me questions right away about the trip, about all the things we did and the about the posts she saw on Instagram.

For one little second, everything felt normal. I was happy to tell her about all of my experiences, the way I learnt the bus system and used her tips and tricks such as giving specific people bottles of fragrance in order to make good connections and make friends.

But this conversation felt a little different. I could finally hear the backhanded comments for what they were, coming from her. Such as, “Was it really hot there? Because you’re like… really dark… *insert a yikes look here*”, or, “yeah, right before you left, Antigua went on sale for about two hundred something… that sucks” (Because I spent more).

It didn’t matter though. I agreed that I was dark, but happily so – I’d have come back burnt to a crisp if it meant one day in the sun. And honestly? I love the current colour of my skin. I feel like the sun came back with me, in it. It’s vibrant and full of warmth.

And, I don’t particularly care that it went further on sale just before we left. I can’t change how much we paid for our flight so it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that we had the most amazing time together.

Anyways, after that, another co-worker joined the conversation and made it less awkward, luckily. After that, Luna walked away and we spent the day not talking, just as things had been before I left.

But during my shift, I found out some things. Such as while I was gone, the management team made the “no family” rule more permanent: now, no family members were allowed to work together in the department. That meant Maria’s daughter, Sharon’s daughter, or mother, or sister, could no longer work with us in our department.

So, Luna’s little comment turned from a small flame to a roaring fire.

At the end of her shift, Luna approached me once more and let me know that she still had some stuff of mine that she had to give back to me. We figured out that we’re both night shifts tomorrow, so she’ll be bringing me that stuff to give back to me.

I have this feeling that a conversation about the state of our relationship is imminent tomorrow.

Admittedly, that moment where we talked about my trip, it was nice. It felt like old times. Travel has always been our thing, our mutual love, a love that she helped to instill in me. I don’t have any hard feelings towards her now and I can truly wish her the best.

But she’s just not the kind of person I want in my life. I don’t want a friendship where I have to second-guess backhanded comments, or wonder if I’m being used for ulterior purposes.

People who can’t admit they’re wrong or who only see what they want to see can be very, very dangerous. And I know that.

So, nothing’s changed. I don’t mind the brief chatty work conversations, the polite professional greetings of “hello, how are you”. But no, I don’t want to go on break with her anymore, or pursue a friendship with her outside of the workplace. I don’t think we can travel together anymore either. Things just aren’t the same anymore, I don’t see her the same way, and that’s okay. I accept all of it, no resistance.

And I hope that she can too. I hope that if that conversation really is imminent, that we can have it like adults and be mature about it all, and wish each other the best.

Anyways, that’s about it regarding that! What else happened today?

Oh, I asked Nick if he’s free this week to hang out and catch up! I was actually thinking about doing so for a while now. A while ago, he said he wanted to get to a place where we could be good friends again and I think after a year of figuring out the initial stages of our friendship after the fact, I think that now we could give hanging out a shot and see how it goes.

He didn’t seem too enthusiastic though, LOL. And I don’t blame him – last time I tried to ask him to “hang out” during the summer there were some ulterior motives to it, heh. But this time, honestly I just want to hang out casually and legitimately catch up. Not because I miss him or anything like that, but because he was a really good friend to me once upon a time and I don’t want to lose that. Also because I want to make sure he’s doing okay. He had a lot on his plate as of the last couple times we spoke so I want him to know he’s actually got a friend in me.

But yeah, we’ll see how that goes, if it happens! I’ve got a lot of social plans up in the air at the moment for this week and this weekend so it’ll be interesting to see what actually ends up happening. I wanted to go to Oshawa to hang out with Anne and Reina, I have plans with Leila, and Dylan and I talked a bit today but no word on plans for this weekend. I’m sure if he’s free though, he’ll mention it eventually. We’ll see!

That’s about it for today! I go back to school tomorrow, officially. So after I finish up this log, I’m going to organize my agenda and take a peek online to see what I’ve missed and what I’ve got to catch up on. Time to get back into school mode, one way or another!

After school, I’ve got another shift but I’m excited for it because everyone else that I was looking forward to seeing will be in tomorrow.

I’ll write when I get a chance to, perhaps after work!

Until then,

Love always,

Me.

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