Day 22 – January 22nd, 2018

Hello! (I gave in today).

(Wow, I don’t know why but that felt amazing to do, LOL. Why am I so weird!?!?!)

It’s been a great Monday. I woke up early like I wanted to, I ran and worked out, I ate healthy, I replenished my contact lenses, and now I’m all set to go to basketball game with my friends this Sunday which I’m very much looking forward to! Also, I’ve started watching “Friends”, which probably isn’t the best idea given my tendencies to binge. But maybe I can figure out a way to watch it in a healthy, regulated fashion.

I’ve been doing some thinking. But before I get into it, I need to talk about a weird ass dream I had last night, what I think it means, and then follow with my thoughts on the matter. (Which I will not attach any weight to, since thoughts are fleeting and I know that. They don’t hold sway over me but I would like to sort them out in a proper manner and that’s partially what this log is for, to be honest with myself.)

So last night, I had this dream that I ended back up in Antigua, only this time at this wild and crazy resort for people around my age, in their twenties. And for some reason, I went back with my parents’ accountant named Justin (who I went to high school with and who “glowed up” quite nicely), a bunch of people from high school, Dylan and a friend of his, Avery, Dominque and her newborn baby, the daughters of my elementary school babysitter, and a whole bunch of other people from my past that I don’t remember.

Anyways, here are the things I remember most vividly and what pertain to my current thoughts: everyone was hanging out and the resort was really pretty, with rivers that led to bays which led to the ocean. And, I kept trying to find Dylan to hang out with him, and every time I saw him, it seemed to be from a distance, as though I couldn’t reach him. And he didn’t seem to care very much, so I stopped caring too and decided to do my own thing instead.

Well, the “next day” (I woke up, in my dream, as though I’d had a night of sleep!!!! SO WEIRD, this some inception shit I’m telling you), I legitimately felt hungover. (So fucking weird how real this felt – I could literally feel the fuzziness in my head, the dryness of my mouth as though I’d really been drinking and I’d really woken up in that resort).

And sitting at the foot of my bed, livid as hell, was Avery! He told me that I had been a disaster the night before, and I was like, “what are you talking about, no I wasn’t. I don’t remember anything at all.” And just as I was saying that, all the memories started coming back to me in flashbacks (TAKE IN HOW I’M STILL DREAMING AT THIS POINT BTW).

I remembered how I started pre-drinking with everyone from high school because there was this massive party bus that was taking everyone from the resort to an event. Only, I was drinking an entire bottle of white rum, to myself… yikes. I remembered that the security guard of the party bus literally tried to drag me off the bus by the back of my outfit, but I still managed to find my way on. I remembered ending up in Justin the accountant’s lap, acting super white-girl wasted, and there happened to be two little fluffy white dogs on the party bus that I couldn’t get over. I even remembered posting some ridiculously embarrassing snaps onto my story!!!! Which I promptly deleted. (How vivid was this dream, am I right!?!?!)

Anyways, Avery explained to me that he was the one who ended up cleaning up after me and making sure I didn’t die of alcohol poisoning (eventually, I started puking my guts up apparently) and he was cheesed. He had a serious talk with me, emphasizing that even though we’re friends, I can’t put him in a position like that again and I need to be more careful. I apologized profusely, and honestly, I think I woke up at this point out of sheer embarrassment.

Legit, I opened my eyes and had to convince myself that none of what I dreamt actually happened, LOL.

Anyways, I have to go now because Olivia has some homework to do, so I’ll finish this up tomorrow! Note to self, type earlier when you have time as to not monopolize Olivia’s laptop when she’s actually home, LOL. Until tomorrow then!

Love always,

Me.

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