Day 41, 42, 43, 44 – February 10 – 13, 2018

Hello! Once again, long time no write. However, I just finished a series of five consecutive and lengthy work shifts, so there’s that.

So… I’m currently chilling. Relatively high. I know that I’ve got to write about some stuff that’s happened over the course of the past few days but I am very much lazy to do so, LOL. But I shall try.

I think that all may have inadvertently rhymed, but I’m not too sure at this moment.

So, what have I missed!

Let’s see… Saturday! Saturday was a good day – I had gala, and thank goodness that it was a quick shift because there’s always a lot of tension in the department (more so than usual) during any kind of holiday or special occasion.

After my shift, I went straight to Scarborough to have dinner with Leila and her family! And oh my god was it ever amazing – we had homemade hot pot and my entire soul was in heaven. I love spending time with her and her family! Leila and I ended up in like an hour long discussion over the importance of health and how important it is to take care of yourself now before it becomes too late in the future.

It’s so undeniably true – we’re these phenomenal, incredible beings, souls full of history and emotion and potential, but our physical body has a timer and the more we do to preserve it and take care of it, the more we’ll be able to fully enjoy the gift that life is.

Anyways, on Sunday I worked and… I think that was it? And then yesterday (Monday) I had a double shift. But there was a good thing that happened!

Okay I have to backtrack a little – so last week, Ali and I kind of had that altercation and the residual tension lasted throughout the weekend. But then Sunday night, while I was opening the cupboard to grab cat treats, a little book fell out and caught my attention.

Much to my surprise (and gratitude towards the universe) it was a little book called “Heart of Buddha”, filled with all kinds of Buddhist quotes and teachings.

Monday morning, I sat down and read the little book with my morning tea. And this quote stood out to me: “Pity arises when we are sorry for someone. Compassion is when we understand and help wisely.”

And it hit me; I had to dispel all this tension with Ali. Once upon a time, we actually connected – he once told me he knew I was destined for more than this department, and to never, ever take it seriously. He even once told me he could see that I was surrounded by light, by “an angel”.

That’s the person I want to be – someone who forgives, offers compassion, even to those who are full of anger or bitterness. I can’t react to those things because I’m only adding more fuel to their fires.

So even though the idea of it scared me, I knew I wanted to go into work yesterday with a compassionate nature rather than on my guard. I even yelled it out to the universe in the morning while I was getting ready! I yelled, “I’M SCARED” because I want to be someone who’s open to their emotions, addresses how they feel, and lets it go. Accepts it for what it is.

And the universe heard me.

All day yesterday, I kept fretting as to when the perfect moment would be for me to approach Ali and tell him that I don’t want any tension between us. As the shift winded down, I was running out of time.

Throughout the shift though, I kept envisioning a more open energy, less hostile. I smiled, I kept things light, wasn’t too aggressively seeking customers. I even thanked him when he went out of his way to sell some of our line.

And at the end of the shift, before I could even approach him or say anything, he came over to me and Maria with chocolates. He directly looked at me to offer me one and I looked back and accepted, and it felt like a little bit of the ice broke on its own. After that, he was talking to me and everyone else on the floor about which cheesecake he should get for his wife, and everyone put their input. I suggested Dulce de Leche (that was my favourite) and he said he would go check all of them out.

He ended up coming back with Dulce! He even showed me.

And then at the end of the night, as I was saying goodbye to everyone, I specifically thanked him for the chocolate as kindly as I could.

So, I didn’t quite get to do what I set out to do. But, it was a good start. Funny that he was kind of the one to reach out first.

If I want to have the heart of the Buddha, I have to see and respect the Buddha in everyone I meet and come across too. I can’t pick and choose whom I express my compassion to, who I treat with kindness. I have to practice lovingkindness in everything I do, say and to all those that I meet. No matter how challenging it is. Actually, especially when it is challenging – that’s what going to define the strength of my kindness.

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