Day 45 + 46 – February 14th & 15th, 2018

Hi there! So last log, I didn’t get a chance to finish because Olivia’s laptop started an update that was taking way too long to download and given the state that I was in on Tuesday night (ayyy lmao) I was in no mood to sit and wait until it was over (but also because it was late at night and I was quite sleepy too).

Anyways! Another Valentine’s Day has come and gone. It’s so funny – exactly one year ago, Dylan gave me his copy of The Alchemist on that day so that I could bring it with me to Hawaii and I knew that I had the biggest crush on him, for sure. One year later, and everything’s changed – now he’s the one going to Hawaii, we haven’t seen each other once this year so far, and I barely think of him anymore. Amazing what can change over the course of just one year, eh?

I even went back to my old log to see what I had written on this day a year ago. Man. I had it bad.

But what a beautiful lesson that turned into! The tarot card guy I met in Hawaii was right – I still had much to learn. Even now, I still feel like I have more to learn.

Moving on, what have I missed that I haven’t addressed? I really do need to get back to writing consistently because if I don’t, I start to forget the things that happen or the thoughts I have that I want to write down! No bueno.

Let’s see… well, after that talk I had with Avery, I felt more motivated to make school my priority so I actually talked to Maria about my hours. And she promised that moving forward, we would compromise on a set amount of hours so that I can focus on school. She even took away some of the hours from next week (what would have been a 40 hour week) so that I could have some time to study for my exams coming up after reading week.

Change has to come about in the little ways first before the big ones can make a difference. If I don’t start somewhere, I’ll never start at all right? I keep saying I want to make school my priority – well, there’s nothing stopping me from that but me. So, it’s time I work alongside myself to get to where I need to go. I know it’ll take some work, but I’m right here by my side and I’ve also got some amazingly encouraging friends and family too. I’ve got everything I need and I know I can do this.

Oh and! I had a good inspiring conversation with Avery sometime during the week and I shared what I wrote with everyone, so I’m going to also write it here as well so that I can refer back to it as time goes on. It was about having faith in the universe and working alongside it to manifest what’s meant for you, and how that’s a two-way street. I also talked about the benefits that that faith brought about.

“But faith is important too!!! That’s another thing I’ve learnt; I can’t have one without the other, it’s like being in between a parallel of concepts to find the perfect balance between the two – the way Buddhism explains it is finding the perfect amount of effort to float forward down the middle of a river without hitting either side of the riverbanks.

Too much striving can lead to you ending up somewhere you’re not meant to be, losing sight of what you wanted or what makes you happy for the sake of simply having something (money, success, job), stressed out, comparing yourself to others, etc. But then the other side of the river, you might rely totally on fate or destiny and end up becoming complacent, ungrateful, entitled, and create that victim mind-frame where you blame everyone (including the universe) but yourself for the way your life turned out because you never did anything and relied on the universe to bring you where you needed to go.

That’s where “conspiring with the universe” comes in – you work alongside the universe to manifest what is your dream, your destiny. The universe is your intuition, your gut feeling when you’re deciding between two jobs and you’re not quite sure which path you’re meant for (having landed those opportunities yourself through making things happens). The universe is faith when those opportunities you created for yourself don’t follow through, because you know everything happens for a reason and you know what’s meant for you will find you.

It’s a two way street, a 50/50 gambit, never quite black or white or one or the other, in my perspective. Without a doubt it takes a ton of effort, dedication and discipline to bring about change in your life, you yourself have to pursue what you seek. But the universe is in the little things – the signs that point you in the right directions, the little opportunities that catch your eye when you never would have considered them originally. The universe is in your ultimate dream/goal for yourself, even if you don’t quite know what it is – but it’s telling you that if you work hard enough for it, you can make it a reality and it WILL help you manifest what’s meant for you.

The way you see things, the way you perceive yourself, what you think and how you feel shapes your reality in ways you can only imagine possible! Imagine if you poured into yourself the kind of effort and belief that you do into everything you seek to accomplish – the results would be undeniable and amazing.

Example one: in January, I was only getting about 10 hours a week and my paycheques weren’t what they were in December, and I was somewhat panicking because I have some debts to pay right? I kept thinking over and over and also saying out loud, “I need hours. I need more hours.”

February starts and this whole crazy series of “coincidences” suddenly occur: Charlize, one of our main demos, goes on leave for 3 weeks and when she comes back, she’ll be taking another position as a Bay associate, therefore freeing up all the hours she had before. Sharon, another main demo, got a position with another company and consequently can’t work as much as she used to (she’s the one who had main priority for hours too) and now she’s cut them down, once again freeing up more available hours. And lastly, the demo (named Dianne) who was working about 70 hours a week during Christmas, can’t work more than 5-10 every other week because she’s becoming a real estate agent. And all of this happened at once. So where did all those hours go to? ME! I went from 10 hours a week to having to cut down shifts because I was back at 30-40 hours!! No such thing as coincidence, but also proved you got to be careful what you wish for because you ask for it hard enough, you might receive only to ultimately realize it wasn’t what you really needed (therein lies a lesson, which the universe constantly offers in abundance in order to learn and do differently).

Example 2 (just today happened and is hella funny to me): for the past couple weeks, I kept thinking that I’m running low on my weed supply and I don’t have a dealer right? And like I don’t smoke often but it does help with my anxiety sometimes when it comes to work and whatnot. Anyways, I kept thinking I don’t want to go to dispensaries and I don’t know who to ask. So this morning, I actually told Olivia “yo man, I need a dealer… I’m running low.”

Today, when I was coming out of class and going down the stairs, these two dudes were legit rolling with no fucks to be given LMFAO. So I stopped and asked where they got it, and the dude who was rolling said a dispensary, but the other dude called up his dealer (who just happened to be free) and we met at TD atms within 5 minutes, I got his number, and now I have a consistent person to hit up if I ever need some!”

LOL okay so that last example was pretty damn funny, but still – pretty amazing “coincidence” you know? I was even deliberating that day whether or not I should even go to class, and in a last second snap decision, I went with my gut and decided to go!

These aren’t the only instances where things I’ve thought or said out loud have manifested though – in the past year, there’s been countless “coincidences” like this that I’ve noticed. And, I know I’ve only begun to notice them and they’ve been increasing in frequency of occurrence in direct correlation to my faith in the universe and my trust in myself and the process.

These things have proven to me, time and time again, the strength that a thought has, the power of a spoken word. Everything operates on a certain frequency and we quite literally have the capacity to create our realities to reflect what we wish for ourselves.

So, imagine the power of really and truly loving yourself – respecting yourself, wanting nothing but the best for yourself, wishing yourself happiness, true peace and contentment. Imagine speaking those wishes out loud every day, looking at yourself in the mirror in the eyes and wishing yourself nothing but pure love, and having that reflected back at you and everyone you meet. Imagine everything you could accomplish, imagine what life would look like in that state of love.

These are the beautiful, powerful things I’ve learnt and are continuing to learn. These are the ideas I want to practice, to cultivate into habits.

Anyways, I’ve got to dash off to work now but, I’m not done with this! I’m trying to remember what else I have to write about… ah right, what I’ve been up to recently in regards to my potential dating life, and stray thoughts and their resultant feelings I’ve been having towards a certain someone. Until later then!

~

Okay, I’m back! However, time has escaped from me and it’s now quite late. I may have to continue this tomorrow, or the day after. Wow, amazing how these work shifts can really take up my time! But I must admit, today was a really good day at work – not only was it chill, I was also able to kill it in sales because the big sharks weren’t in today, heh.

Also, another synchronicity that’s occurred (my preferred word to “coincidence”); on Tuesday, I was talking with my parents about how meditation is good for us and how we should go to temple more. Olivia was at work at the time, so she wasn’t partaking in this particular conversation. I distinctly remember saying out loud, “I need to go buy some more incense.”

Well, wouldn’t you know it but today before work, Olivia was “randomly” compelled to go buy incense!! She was passing by this tiny store and saw some lying outside of it, and she was drawn to it and ended up buying some lavender-scented, jasmine-scented and “positive energy” incense. I’m currently burning one of the lavender ones as I type this and can feel myself growing more and more relaxed.

Even though these synchronicities are beginning to happen at a higher frequency, I still marvel at them each and every time. It’s just so amazing!

Anyways, it’s been a long day so I’m going to wrap this up here and I promise to write… maybe on one of my breaks tomorrow? I would say that I’d write after work but there’s a spontaneous girl’s night happening at Marilyn’s as a bon voyage party for her so I’m going to be going to that! (Can’t wait!)

Off to bed I go! Until next time,

Love always,

Me.

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