Day 47, 48, 49, 50 – February 16th – 19th, 2018

Holy crap, I CANNOT BELIEVE THE AMOUNT OF THINGS THAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE PAST FOUR DAYS. Like, this past weekend has been non-stop crazy occurrences and changes and massive synchronicities that have me so curious as to what the universe has in store. Okay, let me begin where I last left off…

So my last log was the 15th, which was the Thursday. It’s currently Monday night now (Family day). So, back to Friday…

Friday, I had a long work shift but I was looking forward to the end of it, because we were having a spontaneous girl’s night at Marilyn’s house. (I just realized that a massive theme this weekend was spontaneity, but more on that later).

And this part coming up here is such a cool synchronicity to note, because I literally addressed it in my last log after having gone awhile without talking about it. Or rather, him.

About halfway through my work shift on Friday, I got a text from Dylan asking me if I was going to be at work later. I told him I was, but just until 7. And then he said awesome, because he was coming by later! Crazy coincidence eh?

Anyways, sometime in the afternoon he made his way over to my podium to say hello, and it felt so surreal to see him and talk to him, like an out of body experience. I wonder if it’s because I see so much of my life in retrospect rather than actually being in the moment.

Either way, it was nice to see him – he gave me a big hug, and we caught up a little. He told me how excited he was for his Hawaii trip (he’s there now), talked about how he messed up his hip so he hasn’t been doing his jiu-jitsu lately (I wonder if this contributed to the anger he had towards his mom since he didn’t have an outlet for his energy), and about how school and work was going. He was super busy since he was back into school full force, with the effects of the strike finally waning off.

He looked good! But, seeing him made me realize that I really am over him. The feeling I got was like, that warm affection of friendship you feel towards someone you care about. He said that when he gets back from Hawaii, we’ll hang out so he can tell me all about it, but eh. I’m not banking on it. I’m just happy that after everything last year, things came to their own organic end in the way that it did.

I’ll definitely always care about him and would love to be friends! And I do promise that where I have the opportunity to make an effort, I will. But, just going along with the universe’s plan feels like the right thing to do these days (if not always), so that’s what I’ll be doing.

Well, that’s one thing that’s covered! Onto the next.

So Friday night – it was originally just going to be me, Marilyn, Sera and Lianna, but last minute, Marilyn convinced Daniella to come too. (Which will eventually go to show that everything happens for a reason).

Sera snuck a rum bottle out of her house (and it was the good stuff from Jamaica too), so we were all just sitting, talking and vibing as we usually do. Sera had some amazing news – she’s booked to go to Barbados in March!! I’m so happy for her, she truly deserves a good rest, vacation, and some time spent away in the hot sun with her fiancé.

After a while, Daniella joined us and she was lamenting to us about how hard it’s been for her to find a place to move to that’s within her budget and within distance of work. And we kept trying to think of solutions or places that could help but nothing came up, at first.

All of a sudden, Sera was like, “I wish my basement had a separate entrance or something for her, because then she could stay with me.” And then it hit me.

Way before we moved into our house, the previous owner used to have a fully furnished bedroom in the basement – it has its own separate bathroom, shower, sink and a separate entrance.

I began to muse to idea to Daniella, who immediately became excited at the prospect of being able to move in with us (especially since she knows we’re not psychopaths or serial killers, and also because I live so close to where we work LOL).

But, I knew above all I would have to get my mom’s permission and honestly, I wasn’t sure what she would say.

The next day (Saturday), I sat down with my mom and proposed the idea to her – how Daniella was willing to pay rent monthly, how all she needed was her own place with some peace, quiet and privacy (because she’s currently sharing a room in a house with another girl).

And much to my extreme surprise… my mom was for it!

Everything’s been happening so fast and I never really got a chance to talk to Olivia and my dad about it properly, but my mom agreed to it for multiple reasons (especially out of kindness… my mom definitely has a massive, generous and welcoming heart).

I let Daniella know, and she already wants to move in LOL! But man, that basement has become a storage place for a bunch of old useless furniture, my mom’s cooking supplies, the rickety treadmill, and all of Jack’s food and litter. We have some majorly intensive cleaning to do if that basement is going to be habitable again.

So, that’s going to be a priority for this week. But I’m excited! She’s going to redecorate and design the basement beautifully and make it her own space, so it’ll be nice to have a new energy there. And I’m glad for her too because this works out well for her.

She still has yet to see the basement and meet my family, so it’s not nailed down 100% just yet, but if it’s meant to happen, it will.

So that happened! And now, onto yet another lovely spontaneous occurrence.

Halfway through my double shift on Saturday, I started vaguely thinking about Radha and how I should hit her up soon so that we could possibly hang out. And literally not even an hour later, she texted me asking me if I was free to hang out that night, LOL. Honestly, the universe never ceases to amaze me each and every single time something like this happens. I know I’ve already said this before but, I’m never, ever going to stop marvelling at it or being in awe of it because it’s the closest thing to real magic that I’ve experienced in this life (other than one other thing, which I will get to later).

Anyways, she was down to hang out even though I was finishing work super late at 9 – she drove all the way to my work place to pick me up, and then she drove us over to my house so that we could get high, eat pizza and watch this incredibly mind-boggling thought-provoking spiritually in-depth fantastically well-done movie called “Waking Life”.

She slept over, so we stayed up super late having the most introspective conversation about life and death and dreams and the universe and oh man, it was just… like, everything I could ever want from a conversation. The kind of conversation that truly makes you think, makes you grow.

The next morning (Sunday now, aka yesterday), while I was getting ready for work, she even sat down with my dad and had a super in-depth conversation with him too. I was listening while I was doing my make-up upstairs; she was open and earnest about the nature of his addictions, and she tried to offer some open advice on how he could battle his temptations. And you know, for once it seemed like he was actually listening. The whole morning was just so nice, she even sat with Olivia for a while to have a similar conversation with her and Olivia was actually at ease in her presence (she’s usually pretty uncomfortable around people at first).

Everything really does happen for a reason. I used to believe that the past should stay in the past, but my whole entire perception of time is beginning to change now. I do agree that some things should remain in what we call the “past”, but I also believe now that there’s more to time, life, and the universe than just the linear way that we perceive it all to pass. I believe that there’s this infinite source of energy, what we call “god” or the “universe”, that has a hand in shaping the ways our lives unfold alongside the choices we make and that paths we find ourselves on. Which also has me wondering about the concept of free will, but that’s another discussion entirely.

My main goal right now is to work with my intuition, learn it, rely on it, understand it, and hone it to the point that I have complete and utter faith in every choice that I make, no matter the outcome. I know that doing so will lead me exactly where I am meant to go, and have me meet exactly who I am meant to meet in this life.

Anyways, she gave me a ride to work on her way home, and we definitely agreed we would do this again. See, I knew to have faith after we went to dinner the first time, that everything would fall into place as it should if it was meant to, and so far, it is meant to. All these occurrences have been a delicate dance between purposefully manifesting what’s meant to be, and also allowing what’s meant to happen to just happen as it does.

So, we’ll see what else is in store for us as time wanes on! I know I’m going to learn so much from her, and I’m happy that we’re growing spiritually and that our heightening vibrations and frequencies led us back to one another once again.

Next crazy occurrence (that threw me for quite the loop).

Sunday night, after like months of silence and separation, we had plans to go over to Serina’s house for a small family get-together! I was so excited to see her, and I was also glad for our parents that they were back on good terms.

When I got home from work, I literally couldn’t help touching up my make-up and fixing my hair a little. Logically I knew there was pretty much zero chance that a certain someone would be there but… I don’t know, my gut seemed to be telling me differently. So I went with it.

And I’m glad I did.

Once we got to Serina’s house, oh my goodness her parents were so happy to see us! After a while, Alycia came over and me, Alycia, Serina and Olivia headed to the basement and we all started catching up Serina over what’s been happening in all of our lives over the past couple months.

After a couple of hours, all of a sudden the basement door opened and well, wouldn’t you know it. The person I least expected to see, yet another person who I haven’t seen in about four years, casually made his way down the stairs.

Yep, the epic former “first love” and former best friend and confidante, Aryan.

I literally couldn’t stop staring, LMAO. He looked so good, and at the same time, he looked as though he’d always did, as though nothing had changed.

Funny thing though – he didn’t look my way once! Like, he addressed everyone else vaguely (with that ridiculously charming make-ya-weak-in-the-knees smile of his) but it legitimately looked like he was doing his utmost best to avert is gaze from anywhere near my direction!

And this happened twice; once when he came down to get Zeus to take him for a walk and grab his water bowl, and twice when he came back to let Zeus back inside and bring the water bowl back.

I mean, it didn’t bug me per se (especially since he’s always kind of made me nervous) but it did make me curious and I couldn’t help but comment on it to Serina and the gang.

And Serina had the most interesting story to tell us in response, LOL.

So apparently, after we all got together on New Year’s Eve, I had told Serina to tell Aryan that I said Happy New Year to him. (No memory of this whatsoever and yet it also seems like something I would definitely do in the state that I was in that night, LOL).

Anyways, SHE ACTUALLY DID IT – one day when he was giving her a ride somewhere, she casually brought it up to him and told him that I had wished him, specifically. And apparently, he even turned down the music when my name came up, and asked her to repeat what she had said. She did, and then for us she mimicked his wordless reaction (which seemed to denote a certain kind of happiness? Idk.)

Either way, it obviously stuck with him to a certain extent because, Serina told us he even brought it up to his mom!!! LIKE, WHAT IS LIFE. WHAT IS HAPPENING LMAO.

He told her that I had wished him Happy New Year, and his mom asked him if we were still talking, to which he replied that he and I hadn’t talked in a really long while. (Try four years).

I was SHOOK, LOL. I mean, it’s literally been years. I haven’t thought of him once, I didn’t remember the last time I saw him or talked to him, and now this? It was just… mind-boggling.

Anyways, later on in the night, he opened the door once more to ask Serina to bring up Zeus’ water bowl but she was further away from it than I was. So instead, I volunteered and got up to give it to him.

And legit, it felt like time slowed. I can’t even begin to explain it, the way I see it in my head. I know it was the briefest of brief interactions but something in me was like, I NEED HIM TO ACKNOWLEDGE MY EXISTENCE. As I was passing it to him, I couldn’t quite muster up the courage to make eye contact (WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FEARLESS ALTER EGO AHEM). And he quietly said, “Hey, Steph.”

Two words. Literally two words was all it took to make my stomach flip, LOL. I’m so sure I said hi back, but I think it died somewhere in my throat on its way out so it probably sounded inaudible.

I can’t explain the chemistry we’ve always had. It’s always felt like actual electricity to me, as though the air begins to snap and crackle with sparks whenever he’s in vicinity of me. And that’s the second closest thing to magic that I’ve experienced.

BUT ANYWAYS. Later on in the night, we headed upstairs to use Serina’s laptop so that we could watch virtual tours of the possible universities that she might choose from. Then, Alycia had the bright idea to go knock on Aryan’s door just for shits and giggles, like the old days when we all used to terrorize each other LOL.

And she actually went and did it! Serina, Olivia and Alycia all went (after imploring me to come along too, to which I promptly refused and I have no idea why LOL I guess old habits die hard). I listened from the other room intently while they knocked profusely on his door, giggling the whole time while he yelled at the top of his lungs (man, brought back so much nostalgia from the old days).

They opened his door and went in, and I couldn’t quite hear what they were saying to him or what was happening. But, clear as day, I heard Olivia pipe up, “so you’re just sitting in here watching The Office?” (Which, I later found out, she did on purpose to catch my attention LOL smart girl.)

I legit couldn’t resist – I immediately got up and made my way over to where they were so I could curiously peer into his room along with them. He was lying back, legs propped up on his desk, glaring back at us in mock annoyance while Alycia continued to lightly pester him, LOL. The episode he was watching was the episode when Jim told Michael about his feelings for Pam so he took Michael to Hooter’s in an attempt to distract him and stop him from telling Pam how he felt and I couldn’t help but comment out loud (to Olivia) how long Jim’s hair was in the early seasons.

After that, Alycia patted him on the head (we were HOWLING) and then we went back to the other room.

That was the last of the interactions, but when we left Serina jokingly assured me she was intending to tell him that I thought he looked good, LMAO. (Lowkey, do I want her to…? Possibly. I do not know.)

I’m so curious! What does this all mean? All I did was tell the universe that I was ready to get back out there and I even proved it by joining Tinder, and then all of a sudden the flood gates open, letting in old ghosts too.

I feel like there’s threads of destiny hovering innocently in the air as these days pass, and every choice I make strengthens a thread. Nothing is coincidence and everything happens as it’s meant to. So what is to be?

Okay, it’s really freaking late now and I got to wrap this up, but I’m not done talking about all the things that’s happened thus far (although that was the bulk of it, mostly). But, I do have to talk about my up-coming date with Cooper from Tinder this Thursday and what will be my first time to the distillery district, my thoughts on everything that has occurred, what this week is looking like for me, and more. So, I shall find a moment tomorrow morning to do so. Until then!

Gah, I’m so excited with everything that’s been happening and whatever is bound to occur. Life is so unpredictable and eventful and the minute I stopped trying to resist the unknown and let it just happen, every single aspect of life became one hundred times more beautiful. So, here’s to letting go, letting be and going with the flow!

Love, love, love always,

Me.

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