Day 104 – April 14th, 2018

Hello! So I didn’t get to finish yesterday’s blog because I ended up having to hop off the bus but that’s totally okay! I’m glad at least I found the time to get one in, and that I’ve been keeping up pretty consistently with writing every day, as of late.

So yesterday and today was so much fun!! Leila and I went for pho, and then we chilled out with her family for a while and just talked, which was really nice. I love spending time with her and her family because they have such an incredible energy and vibe that makes me feel like I’m right at home as well.

And then today, I started teaching Leila the basics of how to swim! She’s definitely a quick learner and she’s going to be able to do this with a little more time and practice. It’s inspiring to me how she’s truly striving to conquer her fears, one by one. It’s leaving comfort zones like these that really open life up to you, little by little! I’m so proud of her.

We ended up having some deep real talks in the sauna; about the nature of relationships and loyalty, of love and comfort and more. I love that we’re so comfortable with one another that we can quite literally talk about absolutely anything and everything, with no holds barred. Legit, she knows some of the innermost details of my life that I’ve never told anyone before, because that’s how comfortable I am telling her those things.

I can’t believe we’re heading towards seven years of friendship!!! We have to continue to make this work in every way that we can, and I know we will. I can’t see my life without her in it, so she’s stuck with me, LOL.

After a while, I headed back home in the midst of a crazy April ice-storm but made it okay safely (despite having to walk as carefully as humanly possible what with the inch of ice covering the sidewalks).

I bought a bottle of wine for me and my mom each, and I settled in to watch the games that were going on tonight. After a while though, Radha gave me a call to catch me up on the occurrences of her date last night, and also to update me on something else…

So it turns out that Adrian and her talked a little more yesterday, and as it turns out, he apparently thinks that I’m an “11/10” kind of girl LMAO. But more than that, the universe once again showed me how absolutely not one-sided this is; Adrian mentioned to Radha that he was thinking of asking me to hang out again a bit sooner than just Friday!!!!!

I kept thinking over and over that I didn’t want to wait until Friday because it seemed so far away, but I was worried it would seem too soon or too much. Of course I should have known better, as it turns out I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. How are we so similar?!?

Radha asked him if he wanted her to mention to me that he wanted to hang out again sometime soon on his behalf, but he firmly (and kindly) declined. He told her that as much as he appreciated the offer, that he wanted to be the one to put in work, to make the effort and due diligence towards this. (So sweet).

I keep getting crazy butterflies in the pit of my stomach every time I think about this, which I’m not used to. I guess it’s because I’ve gotten so used to being single and actually genuinely enjoying it, you know? It makes me uncomfortable, the way I feel, but it also makes me happy. It’s like, uncomfortable but in a good way, the same way I felt about travelling alone. It was daunting and scary but I couldn’t not go through with it because I knew it would change me and make me grow in ways I couldn’t begin to imagine. It’s kind of the same in this sense too.

He also mentioned to Radha though, that he was a little worried about the timeframe of things – I hadn’t realized because we hadn’t really talked about it, but it’s only been a couple months since he left his five-year relationship with his ex-girlfriend, and he was a bit worried about how people would perceive how quickly he moved on.

But Ashley pointed out to him that there shouldn’t be a timeframe when it comes to things that just feel right, and that the universe has its own way that’s free of time (which is basically a human construct). And he agreed with her, that he would just go with the flow and see what happened.

Which is exactly what I intend to do. Despite how crazy nervous this makes me at times, I’m going with my intuition on this and it just feels right, it feels… easy. I think the easiness of it all scares me too, because I’ve never experienced it before. But as life has taught me, it’s usually the things that scare me the most that end up being the best for me.

Like today, I went right ahead and told him honestly that I can’t get his smile out of my head, because I legitimately can’t. And how I end up smiling at my phone like a nutcase because of the constant barrage of compliments he sends my way in every single text message he sends.

And then I spent a moment or two wondering if I was being too forward, or coming on too strong.

But nope – he said he was glad he wasn’t the only one, and that he was picturing my smile too and it was making him smile at his phone like a doofus as well.

I feel like everything I’ve learnt in this past year about myself, about my new perspective on relationships and what they entail, about what connecting with a person really entails, all of that is going to be… tested, soon? Maybe tested is the wrong word. More so, finally put into play I guess.

We’ll see how things go. There’s still so much I want to know about him. I’m so glad that I feel so comfortable around him though, that’s going to go a long way for sure. All I have to do is just be myself, and that’s more than enough.

I think it’s the things in life that you can’t describe that end up being the most beautiful of all.

That’s all for tonight! I’ll write some time tomorrow.

Love always and in every way,

Me.

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