Day 116 – 119 – April 26th – 29th, 2018

For the first time in a long while, I’ve actually found a moment where I can just sit down and… write. I hadn’t realized how busy this past week was going to be, even though I didn’t work that much! I ended up spending a couple days in Brampton, and then I went straight from Brampton back home just to leave to go hang out with Adrian Friday night, and I ended up staying over, and then going straight to work from Richmond Hill. Safe to say, I’ve been super busy for the last couple days!

But, here I am. It’s a lazy Sunday evening, I should be doing some house chores and I have a serious craving for Oreo-cookie infused pancakes topped off with peanut butter and maple syrup (oooooomg) but, I am going to sit and write and write and write because I absolutely need to.

I don’t want to forget anything! So, I’m going to start all the way from the beginning of last weekend – when I had the house to myself and Adrian came over Friday night.

Okay, let’s see… so yeah, I was really nervous and yet at the same time, not. I was mostly excited, for sure. When he got here, I gave him a massive hug and just… ah, the butterflies. Once he settled in, I gave him a quick tour of the house and then we went back to the kitchen to just sit for a little bit to plan out the night. Since it was still pretty early in the evening, it was super bright out so we decided to save the scary movie for later on at night, when it got dark.

It seemed like we were basically just winging it, so I asked him if he wanted to play Call of Duty with me to kill some time before we got hungry enough to eat, and he agreed! So we went to the living room and got into playing. I definitely impressed him with my COD skills (I beat him in a Team Deathmatch round right off the bat) and then he beat me, and then on the third round tie-breaker, he started cheating my trying to mess around with the buttons on my controller as we were playing (which was hella cute).

After that, I taught him how to play zombies (which didn’t go over very well at first since he’s never played before) but after a while, he got the hang of it.

We managed to kill some time by doing that, and then we decided to smoke up a bit before heading out to grab some Caribbean food just down the street from me.

I watched him as he tried to teach me how to roll a joint, but honestly I was so distracted by him that I wasn’t really paying that much attention heh. And the weed was so good! After we smoked, we headed out to the Caribbean place to grab some jerk/stew chicken from the amazing little place that’s super close to me. We each got something different so that we could try each other’s food, and I’m glad he actually let me pay!

I forgot to mention before – when he’d first come in, he’d brought me a bottle of wine. It was this moscato that I’ve been looking for for like ever!!!! I tried it multiple times during our girls’ nights with my coworkers, and every time I made a mental note to ask the ladies what wine it was, I always forgot. And he just, happened to pick that one out because he knew I liked moscato and also because it was Italian. Definitely no coincidence.

Anyways, once we got back home, we sat down and opened the wine and got into the food and it was just… perfect. The food was amazing, the moscato was delicious (and definitely my favourite from this point onwards) and the conversation was incredible. I can’t quite remember what we talked about now – all I remember is how I felt. Happy. Content. Safe. And a little thrilled, too. Like, I was on the edge of a cliff, preparing to jump, knowing I would be perfectly safe no matter what the outcome.

After we finished eating, I grabbed our plates and started washing them, and he came over insisting that he help. Which led to this super cute water fight – I sprinkled some water on him jokingly, and then he got a handful of water and trailed his hand against my cheek, which immediately made my heart skip a million beats. The chemistry was palpable, right off the bat.

It finally had gotten dark, so I grabbed my laptop and we headed over to the living room so that I could get the movie set up and connected to the TV. I sat on the floor to do so, and he ended up sitting next to me, and we ended up getting lost in conversation.

This part I remember vividly – we were talking about the nature of curiosity, and I told him how I’m usually one to question everything, how I like to know the “why” or the “how”. And he said that when it comes to some things in life, sometimes you don’t need to know the why or how – when we see a beautiful sunrise, we don’t question why or how it happens. We just… appreciate it for what it is. Experience it. Bask in its beauty.

It was a metaphor for where we were in that exact moment – in the midst of something incredible, unexplainable… I didn’t need to know why. I didn’t have to understand how. I just needed to be.

And in that exact moment, he reached over and kissed me.


It was perfect. He was perfect.

He was the perfect kisser. Passionate and tender, just like me. He ended up picking me up off the floor and carrying me over to the couch (literal heart eyes) and in between kisses, I told him about how I had wanted to do this halfway through our coffee date LOL. He asked me why I’d held back, and I told him it was because I felt it was just, too soon.

Anyways, we ended up making out for hours, but in between we talked about how we’d met, or how both of us felt after the coffee date; both of us felt shook, totally mind blown. So it wasn’t just me! But I mean, a part of me knew that.

After a while, it was getting to a point where I was falling asleep resting against his chest while we were in the living room, so we agreed to head to bed because obviously the scary movie wasn’t happening. (Clever guy – distracting me with kisses, tsk tsk.)

I can’t begin to express how amazing it felt to cuddle with him, to be held, to lie against his chest. And he was so expressive – he kept telling me how amazing I was, how incredible, and beautiful. And the way he looked at me… I’ve never been looked at in that way, like I was a goddess walking on earth or the only girl in the world. And his eyes, they’re so beautiful; they’ve got this slight ring of deep green around the outside, and then a lighter green throughout, and then close to the pupils was a honey-coloured tone, creating this ever-changing hazel colour overall that I’m totally head over heels for.

And that smile… he calls it a “smirk”, but there were moments I caught flashes of his real smile, the one that matched mine effortlessly.

He was studying mine closely too – all the little details, the way the lines formed around my mouth when I smiled. I loved that he was so particular about these little details, because this is all I’ve ever wanted. For someone to see me in this way.

Anyways, things got pretty heated… multiple times LOL. And I may or may not have gotten a little bit more… forward, at times. But, he managed to resist and distract me in other ways (not that I was complaining in the slightest).

And we spent the night doing that. Falling asleep for the briefest of moments, only to wake up and start kissing all over again. We did that until the sun rose, and which that point we agreed to get some rest.

I’ve never met anyone who’s enjoyed kissing as much as I do!! I can’t begin to express how happy I was, in every way. When we woke up in the morning, neither of us could bear to drag ourselves out of bed. So, we ended up staying there for hours, alternating between making out and talking, endlessly, about everything and anything.

I told him more about myself, about how I got to this place that I’m in now through looking inwards and facing my demons. And he told me more about himself too – about how hard it was for him to open up to people before, that he was always there for others but found it difficult to let people be there for them (literally me back then).

But that was changing, and that he was becoming more open and understanding that people went through similar situations to what he did, and that he wasn’t alone.

We talked so openly, and I loved how comfortable I was to just be myself with no holds barred.

There were moments I loved the most – moments where he’d just stare at me, at my eyes or my smile, and tell me how much he loved the look on my face when I was looking at him. Moments where I’d trace my fingertips along his cheek, along the line of his beard, just totally amazed by how incredible he is.

After a while though, Radha called to let us know that she was on the way with Krish, so we had to get clothed and look presentable, sadly.

It was cute though – we got dressed and then we headed out to the patio, because the weather was absolutely gorgeous. We sat on the patio swing and I put my legs into his lap, where we just sat and talked and listened to music until they arrived.

They did eventually, and it was so nice to meet Krish! He had a very still presence, didn’t come off as though he had anything to prove or disprove and had a quiet confidence that worked well for his overall demeanor. And it was evident that he was head over heels for Radha, and that made me really happy to see. They had such a nice way of being around each other too – connecting lightly though touches here and there to check in with each other, but never overtly PDA despite being a new couple.

After a while, we decided to start up a game of Catan while we waited for the dough to rise – Adrian was making pizza dough from scratch with his bare hands (amazing hands btw) and had brought fresh tomato sauce that he and his family had made and sealed airtight from 2014, true to the Italian way. So Krish sat with Radha in the dining room to teach her the rules, while I stayed in the kitchen with Adrian and “helped” him make the dough and sort out the pizza ingredients.

And by help, I mean watch him creepily (albeit totally head over heels) as he kneaded the dough, and grated the cheese. Speaking of cheese – we were being totally cheesy; I got flour on his cheek, and he fed me grated cheese (because for some inexplicable reason, cheese just tastes so much better when it’s grated).

It was so cute. Once everything was settled, we all sat down together to play Catan and it was so much fun – we all vibed together so well, right off the bat! It was the perfect little casual double date night.

After an hour or two, the dough rose and it was time to make the pizza! So Radha and I started off with our own first. And that fresh tomato sauce? To die for. It reminded me so much of being in Italy… there’s no way to mimic that taste, that flavour.

Oh I forgot another cute thing! Once they came, Adrian said he’d forgotten something in the car that he’d brought for me and went off to get it. And when he came back, he came back with my favourite kind of chocolate, Hershey’s Cookies N’ Cream. (So sweet!! …literally, hehehe). He said he wanted me to have that and to save for later, so that I could think of him when he was gone. Sigh.

Anyways, Radha and I made our pizzas, and then I realized the Leaf’s game was on and the boys were down to watch, so we tossed the pizzas in the oven and made our way over to the living room to watch the game.

Honestly, this whole weekend kind of felt like something out of a sitcom or rom-com movie. Adrian and I were on one couch and Krish and Radha were on the other, and I was leaning against Adrian and Radha was leaning against Krish, LOL. It was all very cute and very movie-like. But for once, it was nice to have reality be as amazing as it was.

Once our pizzas were done, we all settled down to eat dinner together with some wine and also the chicken that Radha cooked up in the oven (delicious!).

To say the pizzas were delicious is an understatement – the pizza dough turned out buttery-soft yet perfectly crispy and crunchy with a delicious flavour, and the sauce paired with the cheese and toppings was just… the perfect symphony of tastes. So yes, colour me hella impressed.

After we had dinner, we all decided to smoke a bit so that we could watch Waking Life, which is this incredibly well done animated movie that proposes a series of questions about the universe and answers about life and so much more. It’s also very, very trippy LOL and it just makes more sense when you watch it high.

Once we smoked, we made our way back to the living room to watch the movie and settled back in to our respective separate couches.

Funny enough – Adrian and I both fell asleep about half way through the movie, LMAO. I honestly couldn’t help myself, lying against Adrian and him being as warm as he was, it felt like I took a hit of some kind of sleeping drug. He was that comfortable.

Oh before all of this though, once again I forgot – Adrian was actually planning on leaving that evening after dinner because he had work early next morning. But because it was a job that he does from home, he had brought his laptop just in case! I asked him to stay, and he asked me if I didn’t mind that he had to wake up pretty early for his work, and I absolutely didn’t. So he decided to stay, much to my happiness.

Anyways, after the movie, Adrian and I decided to hit the hay and Radha and Krish followed suit.

Because of the lack of sleep from the night before (heh) Adrian and I pretty much fell asleep immediately, once again with me lying against his chest with his arms around me.

Honestly, usually I get pretty uncomfortable with cuddling half way through the night and I end up moving away because I get too hot or something. But with Adrian? We were always touching in some form or way. He was always close to me, and it never ever once felt uncomfortable. It just felt… right. I can’t put it in any other way.

We woke up pretty early the next morning and then headed downstairs so that I could make him some coffee and so he could get settled into work. He set up his laptop at the kitchen table, and said I could head back to bed if I wanted to. Instead, I asked if it would be okay if I could read quietly sitting across from him while he worked, and he was perfectly happy with that.

So that’s what I did – I finished the “Truth About Everything” and even started “Not the Price of Admission” as he worked across from me. Every so often I’d look up to just stare at him, and whenever he got a break he’d get up to come over and kiss me. It was adorable.

Okay. It’s getting pretty late now and I’ve made some great headway on this. But, I’m definitely going to have to continue tomorrow because I’ve got a driving lesson early tomorrow morning and I’ve got to get some rest.

Side note – April is quickly drawing to a close with tomorrow being the last day of the month. I would like to start May off on a high note, so that’s what I’ll be working towards tomorrow.

Until I write next!

Love always,


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