Day 159, 160, 161 – June 8th, 9th, & 10th, 2018

I dun fucked up. LOLOLOLOL, kidding, kidding. Man, I was doing so well though. BUT, BUT – legit, this weekend was jam-packed to the point of not being able to find a single moment to write, actually.

So, this past weekend!

Friday, I had an early shift that breezed by, but it was what happened during the shift that was interesting.

Sometime in the morning, Adrian finally got back to me and my texts about not going to the party, and this is what he said in response: “First, let me say how much I appreciate that. It means a lot knowing that you’ve clearly thought about it, and my feelings, it’s so heart-warming. Having said that, it’s neither an imposition nor is it uncomfortable. I can guarantee that I’d have a better time if you were there… both at the party, and afterwards ;). Now, it’s obviously your decision – and if you think it’s better you don’t, then I respect you and your decision always and I’ll have a good time, but a great one if you’re there. So lowkey, I do hope you totally change your mind.”

I read the text, but the nervous feeling still wasn’t going away! All I could think about was the way he was when he initially told me about how we’d have to act. But then Radha called, and told me that I definitely should come – apparently that morning when she’d gotten into work, the first thing Adrian did when he got in as well was ask why I wasn’t coming, and ask Radha if she could talk to me and convince me to come. She even mentioned that he seemed really sad about my decision too.

So, as uncomfortable as I was with the idea of not really knowing what I was walking into, I decided I’d go anyways.

After work, I went to dinner with Leila and Shada in Scarborough, which was so, so much fun! Shada still has that same energy, that bright and sparkly vibration that’s all good and all light. It was amazing to be able to catch up with her and hear about what’s been going on with her life, and all the important aspects that comprise it now. It was definitely good vibes the whole way through.

Once dinner came to an end, I hopped on a bus and headed over to Richmond Hill. Once I got to the party, Radha met me outside and like, pep-talked me up a bit (LOL I love her). And then she brought me inside and started introducing me to everyone, one by one.

I could see Adrian further off in the backyard with a big group of his friends and also his brother and his brother’s fiancée, which immediately made me so much more nervous LMAO. But before Radha could draw me over to his group, his brother left and I didn’t get to meet him this time (which is totally okay).

Eventually, I made my way over with Radha to Adrian and his friends and said hi to everyone, including him, and he seemed so, so happy to see me (but also in a lowkey way). When he hugged me hello, I could feel him struggling not to linger and I myself had to pull away too.

The rest of the night went better than perfect – I was my confident, easy-going and easy-to-talk-to self and people ended up approaching me to strike up conversations that actually ended up leading to really cool topics. And even though I was talking with other people and mingling, Adrian still couldn’t resist being a gentleman and coming by me to ask if I wanted a drink.

And after that, he ended up staying by my side for most of the night (much to my delight and surprise). He made sure to keep a friendly distance, but that distance still didn’t stop him from quietly whispering to me how beautiful I looked or gazing at me with that starry-eyed look I love so much. I had to keep looking away so that we could stay lowkey! LOL. There was this one point that he was getting up to get food and as he was asking me if I wanted anything, he put his hand on my thigh as though it were second nature, before either of us realized what he was doing. It was so sweet though, to see that it wasn’t just me who was trying to hold back. He looked soooooooo freaking good, and I so badly wanted to be able to touch him too. To be honest though, it was kind of fun having to stay lowkey. It definitely built up some… good kind of tension, for later hehe.

His closest friends who do know about me, I got to hang out with them more and get to know them. We all roasted marshmallows together around a fire pit, and I met yet another one of Adrian’s closest friends named Lucas. Honestly, each and every one of Adrian’s friends, I can see how and why they all get along so well altogether as a whole, despite all of their differences. It was like watching a family, you could just see and feel the closeness without it being displayed blatantly.

The night couldn’t have gone more perfect. At the end, I left with Radha, Adrian and a bunch of his friends who were also crashing at his place so it wasn’t a problem leaving the way I thought it’d be originally. And he lives really close by, so we all walked together back to his place and Adrian couldn’t resist holding my hand and pulling me close to give me a few quick kisses as his friends walked ahead.

But man, once we got in and everyone went their separate ways, and I finally got him to myself… all I’m going to say is, that first kiss, I could feel right down to the very tips of my fingers and toes. It was… intense, to say the least. We both agreed it was a lot harder than we’d thought it’d be to stay so lowkey.

Later on when we were just cuddling and I was lying against his chest, I finally asked him why he asked me the way he did, all nervous and guarded. And he explained that it had nothing to do with him feeling uncomfortable – he asked me the way he did because he genuinely felt so bad about having to ask that of me at all. He explained to me that he thought it was such a rude thing to ask, especially when the last thing he wanted to do was hide from everyone how much he really likes me.

I could feel my heart melting into a puddle at this. I told him that for future reference, I’m usually a very understanding person and he never has to be afraid or nervous to talk to me about stuff like that. I understood why he had to ask that of me, completely.

I also told him that I really like him too, and that I hoped he knew that.

He smiled at me and said he did, that he could both see and feel the way I felt about him, which made me happy.

Yay for constructive, open and beautiful communication!!!!

Anyways, it’s getting late now and I must head to bed. I’ll finish writing about the rest of this past weekend tomorrow after work! I’m so looking forward to tomorrow’s shift – all my faves are in, and all the big cats are away, which means the mice (i.e. me and my faves) will get to play (and take long ass breaks and chill on the floor). I can’t wait!

I don’t have as many crazy plans for this week (thank goodness) which is just as well because I think it’s time I take a little break and just relax for a little. I’ve legitimately spent every day of the last two weeks being out and about and spending time with other people, (aaaaaall the peoples), so it’s about time I take a day or two in between work to just chill with me.

No complaints though! This summer has been ridiculously fun so far and I’ve loved every moment I’ve spent with each and every person I have in the past two weeks. I don’t know how I did it but I managed to make plans on a back-to-back scale without getting mentally or emotionally exhausted. Go me! I’m glad I got back to meditation now too though, I’m sure that’s also been helping a lot.

Well, here’s to another amazing week of life! Looking forward to all it has in store as we move forward into the midst of June.

Love always,

Me.

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