Hello! Okay so, I’m just going to jump right into how incredibly amazing yesterday was, and then if I still feel alert and not sleepy afterwards, I’ll catch up on the rest of what happened over the weekend, even if it’s just briefly.
Yesterday was… mythic. It was magical, from start to finish.
We spent the entire day together. And right from the start, it was perfect. The drive down, we talked and listened to amazing music, (I love that he manages to keep his hand on my knee or entwined with my own hand always, no matter how long the drive). Once we got to the beach, we set up camp and spent the entire day just lounging on the beach in the hot summer sun, and attempting to swim (the water was FREEZING!). I swam anyways though, because ain’t no cold water stopping me from being the fish that I am!!! He called me crazy, but I could tell he appreciated my zest for life.
We laid out on the sand together, talking and cuddling the day away, basking in the heat and just enjoying each other’s company. At one point, as I was just gazing at him, I told him how happy I was that I met him. And he in turn told me that he was so happy that our paths crossed, and that we were in each other’s lives now. It was so sweet, I loved how he would just look at me happily and call me his “beautiful beach babe” or his “ray of sunshine”. I wore a red one-piece bathing suit so he said I looked like I’d walked right out of Baywatch, LOOL. He’s too cute.
After we had our fill of sun-bathing and splashing around in the water, we left around dusk and it was still early, so we headed out to a quiet lake that’s close to his area. It was absolutely stunning; it was such an incredible contrast from the sounds and sights of the beach, versus the golden-lit stillness that was the lake. It was completely silent, save for the call of some distant ducks. We found a little spot nestled into one of the edges of the lake, surrounded by trees and ways off from the rest of the trail, and perched on some fallen logs so that we could take in the beauty of it all as we soaked up the last rays of the setting sun.
At one point, he turned to me and asked me if he could ask me something. And he brought up something I’d texted him a couple days before – we had been talking about how nice it was to wake up beside one another, and I’d said: “somewhere in between being asleep and being awake” where I felt the warmth of his skin, was a magical place. So yesterday he asked me why I’d said that phrase exactly, if I had heard it anywhere. And I thought about it for a moment, but honestly I hadn’t heard it anywhere. It’s just something I felt, the only way I could describe it.
And then he told me that was he was about to tell me was really personal. Essentially, after his mom passed away five years ago, his aunts came over to help go through and sort through her things. And at one point, his youngest aunt called him upstairs, and she was bawling. She’d found an empty booklet full of blank pages in his mom’s drawer, and on one of the pages, there was only one thing written on it. It said: “somewhere in between being asleep and being awake… that is where I will always love you.”
When he said this, I immediately felt a rush of emotion upwards through my chest and into my throat. He continued to explain that no one knows why she wrote it, or for whom, or how it ended up there. It’s a mystery to this day, and he still has that paper.
I didn’t know what to say. All I could say was that, perhaps he was meant to hear those words again, and he agreed. And we sat there for a little while, in the silence. Everything was lit up a brilliant gold due to the last rays of the setting sun, almost as if we were in that in-between place at that moment. I held onto him, and willed with all my might that he could feel how much I was there for him, and with him, despite the fact that neither of us were saying anything. And in that moment, it was almost as though I could feel what he was feeling. It felt like a hand was squeezing my heart – I knew it wasn’t my pain, but I felt it anyways. I could feel an ache in my chest that didn’t belong to me.
After a while, he changed the topic and we went back to our light-hearted conversation. But man… it was an incredible powerful moment. The intangible became tangible. It was a synchronicity unlike anything I’ve ever witnessed or experienced. How do you explain something like that? You don’t. You just… let it be what it is.
We ended up getting some ice cream, and we talked and joked around to the point that I was legit crying from laughter. And, we found out we have more things in common! It’s getting to a point where it’s slightly ridiculous now, LOL. Still, what can you do.
But, I like that as similar as we are, we do have our differences too and those differences are strengths. He’s going to teach me how to work out properly, to be more fit and to take care of my health, and I in turn am going to teach him how to meditate so that’s something he can do for himself always, and learn to be still. I like that our differences are going to help us grow, both together and individually too.
Before I finish this up – I ended up messaging him last night before I went to sleep to let him know that I’ll always be there for him if he ever wants to talk about his mom, or anything else for that matter. I’ll be there for him to lean on, or to sit with him in silence, or whatever else he needed. And I thanked him sincerely for sharing what he did with me, because I knew it wasn’t easy for him. I was truly honoured.
He thanked me for listening, and understood that he heard those words because he was meant to again, and that they’d brought to the forefront things he hadn’t thought about in a while.
Honestly… I can’t begin to explain why I said those words the way I did. That “in-between” state of being half-asleep and half-awake, it’s a place full of magic. It’s where I automatically seek his warmth, the place where I snuggle up as close as I humanly can, the place where he pulls me closer with this gorgeous sleepy-happy smile on his face. It’s that moment where I feel the closest to him, not just physically but on every level.
I’m happy it’s almost as though she spoke to him, through me. Those who have passed on never really quite leave us, do they? I know she’s still watching over him, as closely as she always did, right there with him every step of the way. And as much pain there is in his heart over her loss, I hope I can fill that place with as much happiness as I can, in every moment that we spend together. I just want him to be happy. He deserves nothing less than a full, complete, effortless and unquestionable happiness, in every way.
I know what this all means. I can barely say it to myself, but I know how I feel. I can’t even begin to believe it or fathom it or wonder how it happened or when it happened, all I know is that it is what it is. And I’ll know when the right moment to say it all, will be. But not now. For now, we have this. We have these moments.
We’ll see what’s meant to be. I’ve never experienced anything that’s felt this right before.
Anyways, that’s all for tonight! I’ve got a busy day ahead of me tomorrow because we have a massive event for my company. Hopefully it breezes by and I can finish up writing about the weekend tomorrow!
But before I go.
Universe – I know I am a small speck of energy in this crazy thing we call life. But thank you, thank you endlessly, for every blessing I’ve received, every skip of my heartbeat, every breath-taking moment, every smile, every laugh, even every tear. I am so completely and utterly grateful. I am humbled. Thank you.
Love, love, love, love always, and in all ways,