Day 155 – June 14th, 2018

Hello! I’m finally home from work, all settled in, and I get to have a nice evening to myself because I finished rather early. So I suppose tonight shall be the night I finish catching up about the weekend that just past (just in time for the weekend that’s coming up – wow does time ever fly!)

Where was I, regarding last weekend? I think I left off after the party on Friday, how well it went. Right!

Okay so the next day, which was Saturday, we spent the morning together with his friend Mark, and us three ended up getting into a really deep discussion about life, travel, food, and so much more. I started talking about meditation, and that led to me talking about how I got to this point in my life where I’m so much more at peace, and how it all happened. By the end of it, the two of them were just staring at me, mesmerized LMAO. Mark was like, “I actually don’t know what to say… I feel like saying congratulations? I don’t know man.” It was funny. Adrian was cute, he was like, “this is what I’ve been experiencing with her since we’ve met.” It was actually pretty cool how in depth the conversation got. I’m so glad we were all able to talk like that though, and vibe at that level. More and more as time goes on, I find that I’m able to attract like-minded people into my life! It’s been incredible.

Anyways, after that I headed to work for a quick shift, and after work I met up with my cousins in downtown for a wild night – I went back to Bar 244 with them (I haven’t been back since I got super drunk about 3-4 years ago and puked on a TTC train going home, heh… not one of my finer nights and literally the last time I’ve ever thrown up from drinking since then). But it was so much fun – I forgot to cheap the drinks are there! We got shots, mixed drinks, had a little bit of a shatter bar (which was AWESOME), and then headed to the dance floor to get a little wild. It was ridiculously fun, we were legit howling of laughter at some points when these two creepy guys were trying to get at us despite Chase being there with us.

All in all, it was a fantastic night and I’m so glad we got to do that because with all of us going to different schools, all of us living so far from one another and just the sheer amount of us, it’s hard to coordinate plans sometimes. But it’s definitely going to be an amazing summer with them and I can’t wait.

And then lastly, on Sunday, Radha and I had plans to go to Cabana Pool Bar but instead, we decided to go somewhere near Scarborough Bluffs to this hidden little spot of beach so that we could have a picnic and meditate. I found this strain of weed that apparently works really well for meditation or spiritual matters, so we smoked a little bit of that and ended up getting into a super deep conversation and then an amazing meditation session afterwards. I actually witnessed her growth in the few short hours we were together, as I taught her more about what I’ve learnt in the past year and a half about re-wiring the ways in which you think and feel in order to be in the middle way.

We even lied down on the top of her car in the sun in the parking lot and just meditated there for a bit, regardless of how crazy we looked to everyone else LMAO. I love stuff like that though, and who cares what anyone thinks!

That’s how the weekend was! It was great, jam-packed full of amazing memories, good vibes and great people.

Let me talk about now though, this current present moment – how am I doing!

So, on Monday, I didn’t get a chance to mention the conversation I got into with Sera that ended up directly affecting my current state. Basically, we got into a discussion about health and eating healthier and being more fit, and I confessed to her that lately, I’ve been feeling sick and sluggish after my meals and I was well aware that I was treating my body poorly. I haven’t worked out as of late, and not to mention my sugar habits had gotten out of control. Which isn’t good at all because diabetes runs on either side of my family. I’d also noticed that in the past month or two, I’ve gained about twelve pounds.

I want to say I don’t care about how I look, but that’s a lie. But I can say honestly, I don’t want to be unhealthy. This body is the only thing I have harbouring my soul, my mind, my heart, my spirit and everything that makes me, me. I have so much left to do on this earth before I go and if I don’t start acting like it now, it’s going to end up hitting me later perhaps at a point that it’d be too late to reverse the damage.

I want to start treating my body the way I’ve nourished my mind and my soul for the past year and a half. I put so much effort into feeding both my mental state and spiritual state – it’s time to do the same for me physically too. I want to have energy that doesn’t stem from six teaspoons of sugar in my tea. I talked so much about self-love this past year and a half and forgot about the part where this body is only temporary. There’s treating yourself, yes, but there’s also moderation and I haven’t had much of that when it comes to my eating habits, as of late.

So from that day, I decided to cut out sugar for a while (and eventually reintroduce it in moderation and in healthier forms, such as through honey, or brown/coconut sugar) and I’ve been keeping track of what I’ve been eating through an app as well as how often I intend to work out.

It’s been nuts. Today was the third day of cutting out sugar and I started craving it like a fiend. I mean, I knew I always had a sweet tooth but I had no idea I had a problem, you know? But legit. I was, no, I am, addicted to sugar. I am admitting my addiction and my acceptance of this will lead to my recovery, heh. Anyways, Sera ended up having a solution for that too (an apple with just a tablespoon of peanut butter) and my craving subsided, bless her soul.

She even went through an entire list of foods I should start incorporating into my regular diet! Once I make eating healthy my norm, then I can introduce moderation into my life in terms of how I eat when I go out, or saying yes to a piece of chocolate or a bowl of ice cream now and then. But for now, cold turkey until I can learn discipline. And that, is the key word here.

I was talking about these changes to Adrian while we were on our way to the beach, and he talked about the difference between motivation and discipline to me. In his perspective, discipline is consistent motivation – motivation on its own is fleeting, a burst of inspiration and then just like that it’s gone. But discipline is constant, it’s constant effort until it becomes second nature.

And I know he knows what he’s talking about, especially since he’s lost so much weight himself. He’s like, the embodiment of discipline LOL. I’m glad he’s intending to help me out with this too by teaching me how to work out more efficiently, and Sera promised to do the same. She’s even planning on helping me come up with my own workout plan! I can’t wait. Honestly, I’m surrounded by so many resources when it comes to healthy living and I can’t believe I’m only just now making the most it! But there’s no better time like the now, so it’s all good.

So yeah, that’s my current focus right now. I’m meditating a lot more regularly so hopefully I’ll get back to that point that I was once at before when it comes to my discipline regarding meditation. And soon, the working out will become a discipline too.

I’m hoping that by integrating discipline into my life through all these different yet beneficial aspects, that it will branch over into other aspects of my life that could use some discipline, such as my spending habits. All in good time! I have all the time I need to bring about these changes, and put real effort into them.

Anyways, I believe that is all for tonight. It’s Thursday, which means there’s another weekend coming up and what I’ve got planned thus far is: Trevor is hosting a BBQ dinner at our house tomorrow (bless his soul and his ability to cook as well as he does – Olivia is a lucky bean), Saturday night I’m going out to hang out with Krystal and Chad again (to catch up all about their trip to Vienna and more) and Sunday my dad said he wants to take us all out for dinner, for father’s day. I’m not sure if that’ll actually be a thing, but we’ll see! Also, I work straight through the weekend until Tuesday but I’m sure the shifts will pass by in a breeze.

Here’s to constant self-improvement, and here’s to discipline!

Love always,

Me.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s