Don’t ask me why I felt like adding all those o’s there, I just did. Maybe though, it’s because… I’m quite figuratively (decided to switch up from using “literally” all the time) sitting on cloud 9, for all the best reasons. Also, I’m high, but that’s besides the point. Hehe.
Adrian invited me over yesterday since his dad was gone and he finally had the place to himself. Yesterday was his first day of real freedom and it was so sweet that he chose to spend it with me.
It was the perfect lazy day – we grabbed a bottle of wine, rolled one, popped on some Netflix and even baked some absolutely delicious lobster biscuits with an herb and garlic butter glaze (we were watching a lot of cooking competition/baking shows LMAO). And he’s so incredibly sweet – he bought me an Arctic Monkey’s tour t-shirt! Earlier this month, he and I both wanted to go to the concert together but couldn’t get tickets, so he got me the shirt through a friend of his who did attend the concert. Ahhhh, he’s so thoughtful and so, so sweet.
Earlier on, we’d been talking about how crazy of a coincidence it was that Chad’s older brother had the same name as Adrian’s older brother, and also the crazy fact that they both spoke German since they took it in university, and that they also sport the same watch.
When we’re together, there’s so many different levels of synchronicities that occur, it’s almost mind-boggling sometimes. Like the commonalities between Chad and Adrian, or the fact that two of Adrian’s other friends just happened to start dating people who have the same name as me. And even last night, while we were watching TV, the host mentioned something about London, England (where I’m headed in a couple days) and a few moments later, New Orleans came up (where Adrian and I are headed in about a month and a half). When the New Orleans thing came up, he and I looked at each other in shock LMAO. Just, what are the odds!?!
I wonder what all these synchronicities mean. I know usually they signify that you’re exactly at the right place at the right time and very much in tune with yourself. But still, I can’t help but wonder… like we’re both experiencing them, you know? Despite the fact that we can’t explain any of this, we choose to go along with it and let it happen as it does, whilst acknowledging the magic of it all. Because that’s exactly what it is – magic. And who, in their right mind, would ever want to analyze and deconstruct that?
Anyways, this morning was equally as lovely – I can’t explain how incredible it feels to wake up beside him, to feel some part of him touching me no matter how far we may get from one another (or how close he gets to falling off of the bed – for some reason, I have no idea how because I SWEAR I don’t move when I sleep, he always ends up right at the edge with me taking up most of the bed LMAO).
And god, that sleepy smile he gets when he’s just waking up and starts pulling me as close I can possibly get… it gives me butterflies, each and every time. His smile instantly brings out my own.
Once we were more awake, he started saying the most wonderful things I don’t ever want to forget – how I’m the sexiest and most beautiful woman in the world, and that if he had a ton of money, he’d bet all of it on that fact without a single doubt. He told me all the wonderful qualities he likes best about me – how beautiful I am, how deeply caring and loving I can be, how intelligent and funny I am (FUNNY! HE THINKS I’M FUNNY!), and how passionate he sees I am.
He told me that when we hang out and he sees me coming towards him, still after all this time, he feels the same way he did when he saw me the first time – that whole “she’s here for me!?” -feeling, and it makes him happy, as though he still can’t quite believe it. And once I get into his car, he admitted that sometimes he doesn’t even want to move from that spot, just so he can kiss me (and not give a fuck about who complains behind us).
I had to tell him all the wonderful things that I love about him too – how incredibly thoughtful he is, how he’s probably the most considerate and kind person I’ve ever met that he makes me want to be more considerate myself, how insanely ridiculously sexy he is, how funny he is and how that’s probably what really reeled me in the first time we met (I’ll never forget those puns), and how he’s so smart that it borderlines intimidating sometimes but that I love it, because I so enjoy the breadth of our conversations.
I told him I see him in all the same ways he sees me, and thanked him in turn for seeing me the way he does see me. And he said that there was no other way to see me, because he was seeing me for who I am. Did ANY OF THAT MAKE SENSE.
I don’t know, but I hope it did.
I genuinely like our pace. I like how things are going, but more than that I love exactly where we are right now. It’s light-hearted and fun, but content and peaceful at the same time. I like that we can enjoy each other’s company in either silence or our endless conversations.
I don’t care for a “label”, but I also don’t mind if it does happen. I’m indifferent to it all now honestly, and why? Because label or no label, I couldn’t be happier. Label or no label, nothing will change between us except for those words “boyfriend/girlfriend” (and really, they don’t mean much when you think about it). He treats me exactly as I was meant to be treated, adores me and cares for me in all the ways I need and more so than I could have ever thought I wanted. I don’t need more than what we have, and am grateful already for whatever else is to come for us.
I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m done with trying to plan my life to the t. All I know is that I want someone I can have fun with – real, genuine, heart-stopping and laugh-til-your-stomach-hurts kind of fun. I want someone I can explore the world with, someone I can travel everywhere with and discover new ways of living. I want someone who understands me, and in turn allows me to understand them. I want someone I can talk to about everything and anything with – someone open to my love of the Universe and everything it entails. Someone I can openly share with, meditate with, and grow with. Someone just as affectionate and loving as I am, and someone who loves life just as deeply as I do. Someone who challenges me in all the best ways, someone who allows me to be free to make my own mistakes and lessons, whilst being as supportive and encouraging as they can be when those moments do happen.
So, yeah. That’s what I’m trying to manifest in my life. Not a “relationship” by the standards to which we define that word today, not someone to call my “significant other” (or rather, otter – HAHAHAH). I want a relationship of real friendship, partnership, respect, equity and fun. A fun-ship. Why, why am I like this. (Lowkey laughing though).
We’ll see how things go! In the meanwhile, I’m thankful and so grateful I’ve met someone who makes me feel all those ways, who gives me all of those things, who is aiding my growth as well as complimenting the happiness I already generate for myself.
Thank you, Universe. Thank you.
Well, mom and I are leaving in about four days to England and no, we haven’t even started packing yet LOL. It’s all good though. MY GOD, AM I EVER EXCITED!!!! LONDON AND PARIS BABYYYY, LONDON AND PARIS! After this trip, I’ll have gone to four different countries within this year alone! I’m SO SO SO THANKFUL, SO GRATEFUL. This is all I want for my life. I just want to go everywhere and see everything, I really do.
Anyways, that’s all for today! I’ve got three more work shifts as of tomorrow, and then that’s it! I’ll write when I can and I promise to write every single day of my trip while I’m away. Until next time,
Love always and deeply,