Day 275 to 282 – October 2nd to 9th, 2018

Okay, I really did want to write before this weekend began but honestly this past week has been so busy with back-to-back plans and events that I’ve quite literally had no time to sit down and bang out a proper log. But, it is now my reading week AND I’m off from work until Friday, so I now have plenty of time to do a full and proper catch-up log (as well as work on my book, perhaps? We shall see!)

I’m just going to quickly list the things I want to catch-up about briefly so that I won’t forget anything as I go in-depth into my log. So, what have I missed? I wrote my exam, hung out with Adrian, went to Shada’s birthday with Leila, Cory, Krystal and Chad, and then it was Radha’s birthday, and then right after that I actually went to Adrian’s friend Mark’s birthday, then there was a birthday dinner for Olivia’s boyfriend Trevor with my family, and then finally yesterday all the cousins got together for our annual Thanksgiving lunch. Phew. It’s been a doozy of a week, but so, so much fun!

But first, of course – how have I been?

Honestly, fantastic!!! Everything has been falling into place so organically in my life that it’s almost become easy to remind myself not to worry or stress unnecessarily. I’m at peace, I’m thankful for every day that I’m given, I’m in the midst of my favourite season, and I couldn’t ask for more than what I have right now. I’m happy.

The Universe has been constantly hearing me out in the littlest and biggest of ways. I have the exact amount of hours I need from work this month, no more and no less – which means I have more free time to focus on school, and to focus on me. School has been surprisingly easy to keep up with, and I’ve actually been doing my due diligence and studying as I should be! And although I’ve been spending a lot of time with my friends and going out, it’s not exhausting or draining in the slightest because somehow, it’s the perfect amount of time spent. I don’t think I’d be able to keep up with any more than that. And now, here I am in the quiet of my home, which is exactly what I need in this moment.

You shape your reality. Either you fear this fact and let life continuously “happen” to you, or you acknowledge this fact and take accountability for the power your thoughts have to shape your life.

A couple days ago, I did receive a reminder from the Universe to be a bit more cautious about how much I value my life, as well as the power of saying “no” (which I need to learn how to exercise a bit more efficiently). But more on that later.

So, to begin!! My exam.

I actually spent quite a number of days studying as hard as I could (so proud!) so when the test finally rolled around, I was more excited than I was nervous. I ended up making some friends in class (because I shared some of my test banks, much to the dismay of a couple goody-goody’s who immediately left the lecture hall once I brought them out, LMAO) and we all studied together and bonded beforehand, which was nice.

I breezed through that exam so easily that I’m pretty sure I was the first one done. And better yet, the Universe heard me out once more and made all 80 questions on the test multiple choice without any short/long answer questions (which by some “coincidence”, I didn’t bother preparing for at all). Because all the questions on my exam were basically the ones I studied from my test banks, I’m pretty sure I aced it and I walked out of that lecture hall as confidently as I walked in. All in all, it was the perfect start to my amazing weekend.

The next day, Adrian spontaneously asked me if I would like to go to breakfast with him and since I happened to be off from work, I happily agreed. He took me to this cute little breakfast place which coincidentally happened to be in the exact same plaza of a restaurant I’d mentioned to him a couple weeks ago.

We went shopping around after that, and then headed back to his place to watch a movie (which didn’t end up happening because we got… distracted, heh). While we were lying together and cuddling, there was this moment where he kind of looked at me and went “I still can’t believe you’re real.”

I couldn’t help but ask why, and oh man. All the reasons he gave (whilst cutely punctuating each reason with a kiss) honestly took my breath away. He said it was because I’m the “whole package”, because of how intelligent and funny I am, because of how sweet I could be, because (and I quote) “you have a body that looks like you sold your soul to the devil for it”, because I’m drop-dead gorgeous, because he loves the way my smile forms with its little crinkles at the corner, and because of the sound of my laugh. And he said he had fifty million reasons more if that wasn’t enough, but it was more than enough. It was everything.

I didn’t know what to say back!!! I never know what to say in those moments, LOL. I just promised him that I’m as real as they come.

Le sigh. It feels like everything is falling into place so perfectly, and even more so because of this past weekend. But first – Shada’s birthday party!

After work, I went over to Leila’s and we got ready together after so long, and I even did her makeup which was very cute and so much fun to do. She’s probably my favourite person to do make-up on – she always appreciates what I do, gives me complete freedom to do what I want, and she’s already naturally stunning so it’s always easy to get a look going for her. Not to mention, we both love makeup so much so it’s always fun to do for her.

Once we were done getting ready, me, Leila and Cory headed over to the condo where Shada was hosting her party, and it was so nice!! Very fancy and swanky. We met Chad and Krystal there, and we all headed in together. Even though we were early, it was okay because we were all there together.

The whole night was such good vibes and so much fun!!! Hanging out with Leila, Krystal, Cory and Chad is always good times, I coincidentally ended up knowing someone else at the party through a family friend, the food was so incredibly delicious, and we were all dancing and just having a good time! Funny enough, even after all these years of knowing Shada, I had no idea she was actually half-Sinhalese – which I happened to find out after hearing her aunt speak it fluently LMAO. It was so cute, once they realized I was also Sinhalese they made me take pictures with her dad and her aunt (so typical of our culture heh). And they gave me so much food to take home, which my entire family was so appreciative of. It was such a good night.

The next day was Radha’s birthday party with her family, but earlier on Adrian had also mentioned to me that one of his best friends Mark was also extending an invitation to me to attend his birthday at Drake Hotel that same night even though Adrian had let him know that I already had a party to attend.

This was the first time that Adrian had invited me out with him to something like this with all of his friends (and their significant others too), so I definitely wanted to be able to compromise somehow and attend both. Luckily, Radha’s family party started early and Mark’s birthday thing was way later on at night, so I would be able to attend both.

Alright, to start with Radha’s birthday party: once I finished work, I went straight over to her house in order to spend as much time there as I could. Simone, Radha’s friend from work, also came through to the party and it was good to see her again because I hadn’t seen her since her own surprise birthday party from this summer.

Simone mentioned that she also had to leave early from the party as well because she had work early the next day, and she said it would be no problem for her to drive me to a nearby subway station so that I could get to downtown with ease, and initially I had happily agreed.

Radha’s birthday was a lot of fun too – she’s got this big massive family who obviously cares so much about her and they were all so nice and welcoming to Simone and I. And Radha was so appreciative about the fact that Simone and I came out to her party, so it was nice to see her that happy.

Later on in the night, I noticed that Simone was a couple glasses of wine in and I started to second-guess whether or not she should drive me (or herself) anywhere. But, she seemed fine and well put-together, so I shrugged it off. Nevertheless, right before we both left I told her that I was totally fine taking an Uber to my destination and that she didn’t need to drive me anywhere. But she was super insistent and swore to me that it was no problem whatsoever, so I conceded and got into the car with her.

At first, everything was fine. She offered to take me all the way to downtown instead since we were already so close by and it would have only taken about twenty minutes (even though I once again insisted that she didn’t have to), but she said she had some good karma to collect and said she wanted to. We were talking as she drove, and all seemed well. But once we got onto the highway… that’s when I finally realized how intoxicated she actually was.

We were on the highway, talking normally, when all of a sudden I noticed that she was starting to veer off to the right… straight towards a cement barrier. I literally stopped talking mid-sentence in complete shock, but I couldn’t even scream or utter a sound. It felt like it was happening in slow motion and yet so quickly at the same time. Right at the last second, she realized what was happening and she veered back into the highway lane.

There was so much adrenaline whisking through my body after that moment that I couldn’t regain the words to speak, let alone comprehend what had just happened. But not shortly after that when we were taking another ramp towards the DVP, she ended up swerving so closely along the metal ramp barrier that I was sure we were going to hit it.

In my head, I was praying to the Universe with all of my might and intention. I promised the powers above that I would never, ever let myself enter another situation like that ever again if Simone and I could just make it through this night alive.

Once we finally got to downtown, I quietly asked her if she’d like to park her car somewhere and come in with me for a little while (and sober up). She refused over and over though, saying she had to get home.

I don’t know her very well – in fact, this is pretty much my third time meeting her. I didn’t know how to tell her she very nearly killed us both, and put a whole bunch of other innocent people’s lives in jeopardy. If it were anyone else, I would have been yelling at the top of my lungs for that person to pull over and even though I DON’T HAVE MY OWN GODDAMN LICENSE, I would have insisted that I drive us to safety.

I honestly don’t know how to say no sometimes, and that whole incident made me realize just how important it is to be able to exercise your own voice. Regardless of how well I knew her or not, I should have said something. Not just for my own well-being but for hers as well. She ended up making it back home okay, but what if she hadn’t? What if something happened to her on the way? It would have been my fault, for not insisting that she come in with me and sober up for bit.

Once I got into the Drake Hotel, I went straight to the bathroom because I thought I was going to throw up. That’s how scared I’d been, that’s how much shock was coursing through my body. NEVER AGAIN. Never again.

All’s well that end’s well, but this was a very important lesson to me. If I love myself and value my life just as much as I say I do, sometimes that means having the hard conversation. Sometimes that means getting uncomfortable, saying no, and standing your ground. I need to remember that.

Anyways, once I calmed down enough I let Adrian know I was there and he came out to meet me. He looked so happy to see me, and despite how I got there, I was glad I made the effort to come out.

He introduced me to some of his friends that I hadn’t met yet, as well as the girlfriends of his best friends. He’s got such a great group of friends honestly – they’re so warm and welcoming, they made me feel so included and it was good vibes right off the bat.

I was a little worried at first because this was the first time that Adrian and I had ever gone out to a place like this, and not to mention with his closest friends too. I didn’t want them to feel like I was monopolizing his time since he was meant to be out with them for Mark’s birthday.

But Adrian was so sweet, and he’s so good at balancing everything out – he made sure he was always by my side, yet still spending time with his friends and connecting with them too. I bought his friends some birthday drinks (it was also Liam’s birthday that night, another one of Adrian’s best friends), and it ended up turning into one of the best nights out I’ve ever had.

Adrian mentioned to me that he couldn’t dance, but HE TOTALLY CAN! And quite well at that. I was busting out all the moves and he was easily keeping up. It was so much fun – with no fucks to be given, we were like those typical teenagers who can’t keep their hands off of each other at the club. I loved it – it’s been a while since I got to have that much fun with someone being out in downtown. And being out with him like that made me realize just how much chemistry we do have – even after half a year of seeing each other, seeing his gorgeous smile and having his body so close to mine in that way, the butterflies were endless and my stomach kept flipping.

There was this moment where he went to go buy a drink at the bar, and I ended up making friends with these two girls out of the blue. When they asked me who I was with, I pointed over to him and both girls were like “HOLY CRAP, GIRL HE’S SO GOOD LOOKING!” LMFAO, drunk girls at clubs are honestly the best. Once he came back over, one of the girls told him I was super gorgeous and that he’d better take care of me, and he acknowledged how lucky he was and promised that he would, aw.

We ended up staying out until the bar closed!!! I don’t remember the last time I’ve done that – I usually end up heading out by midnight (because I’m an old lady now). Once the place shut down, we went to the pizza place that I love that’s just down the street, King Slice.

Now, Adrian and his friends have never been there before and they were there solely because of my recommendation, right? And one of his close friends, Lucas, went to culinary school. Once we got to the pizza place, Lucas called me over and was like “so… I heard that you’ve said this is the best pizza you’ve ever had.” I laughed but I stood by my claim, and he showed me some pictures of the best pizza that he ever had (in New York – *gulp*). So basically, my aptitude for pizza was about to be put to the ultimate test.

Once everyone got their slice and sat down, we all dug in. And guess what. I passed the pizza test, LMAO! Everyone loved it. Even Lucas admitted the pizza was good, and commended the extra garlic sauce that they brushed along the crust (*droooool*).

It was so nice to hang out with all of them. I ended up striking up a conversation with Lucas’ girlfriend, made sure Mark was having enough water to drink, and Adrian seemed so happy that everyone liked the pizza (and liked me!).

I went home with Adrian to spend the night, and we ended up getting back home around 4 am. FOUR AM!!!! I don’t think I’ve stayed out that late since the early days of university, but oh man it was such a good and fun night. I was over the moon that I got along so well with all of Adrian’s friends, and that Adrian had invited me out to something as important as their birthdays. It felt like a great step forward, if that makes sense. Like if there was some kind of invisible check-list, we just checked off a box.

And now this weekend, he’s going to be coming out with me to Leila’s birthday! He’s finally going to meet Cory and Chad. I hope he has just as much fun with me and all my friend as I did with him and his friends.

The next day, he gave me a ride home so that I wouldn’t be too late to work (not that I minded in the slightest – even though we basically got like 2.5 hours of sleep, it was so incredibly amazing to wake up next to him). I like how we work well together; I felt so bad that he had to drive me all the way home from Richmond Hill (the buses weren’t running regularly because it was a Sunday). So to compromise, I asked him to let me pay for gas and got him his coffee just the way he likes it (large black coffee, half cream) so that I could compensate somehow for his generosity. We’re good with trading off, and I like that.

This was Thanksgiving Sunday, and when he dropped me off we made a point of wishing each other Happy Thanksgiving and I told him how thankful I was that I had him in my life, and he felt the same way.

Tomorrow (the 10th), will be exactly six months since our very first date, six months from the 100th day of the year when we sat down together for coffee. I know it’s not a lot, but I guess it just goes to show what can happen in the span of half a year. It took half a year for us to get to this point, half a year for me to fall head over heels, half a year for me to know with complete and utter certainty that I’d love nothing more than to see where this could go, for us. It’s been six months of the best dates I’ve ever been on, six months of laughter and amazing conversations, and six months of the most incredibly magical moments I’ve ever experienced. These six months have been better, more fulfilling, and made me so much happier than the six years of both my previous relationships combined. So you see? Time means nothing.

I’m still in no rush to slap any labels on this or “DTR”. I’m happy. I’m so completely content with our pace. It’s been as amazing as it has been because he and I are both so “go-with-the-flow” that everything has been falling into place of its own accord and I couldn’t ask for anything more than that.

Everything will happen as its meant to and when it’s meant to, just as it has been for the past half of this year. I have complete faith in this, and in us.

Anyways, moving onwards! After work that day, Trevor came over to have dinner with our family since his birthday was the next day. I know he and Olivia have been going through a bit of a rough patch as of late, but they finally sat down and had the conversation that they’ve needed to have all along.

Relationships aren’t always easy man. Especially when it’s two people who are trying to work on themselves, yet share what they know of themselves with each other. When two WIP’s (“work-in-progress” – I’m totally going to coin this term, just like “bruise-y”) get together, they have to be completely and utterly honest with both themselves and one another. If the WIP’s want to make it work, then they have to know, understand and accept that they can’t rely on the other to heal the wounds they have within themselves; those wounds have to be healed for themselves and by themselves, first and foremost.

I definitely think that two WIP’s can get together and make it work – in fact, I think all of us are WIP’s to a certain extent since we’re constantly growing and learning. I also think that sometimes baggage can get a little easier to bear when you’re carrying it alongside someone who’s encouraging you to be your best self. But it’s a whole other story when two people (who are completely unaware that they’re WIP’s with a ton of baggage and wounds) get together and start depending on one another to the extent that it becomes unhealthy. You can’t pass off all your shit onto someone else in the hopes they’ll carry it for you if they’ve got shit of themselves to deal with. And even if they don’t and they’ve dealt with their shit – it’s still not fair to expect someone to heal you.

Well, that was an interesting tangent. What I meant by all of that was – Trevor and Olivia sat down and acknowledged to one another that they’re both WIP’s. But rather than using that as a reason to not be together, they decided to each write down a list of compromises and things they could do differently to accommodate each other while they work on themselves. See? Healthy! And very transparent, and vulnerable. They re-worked their priorities to reflect maintaining school and work (and so they wouldn’t see each other as often as they were before), but also included an emphasis on communication and honesty. They’re both such great people individually and I honestly think they can make it work and be happy together – as long as they continue to be honest with themselves and one another.

So yeah, Trevor’s birthday dinner went great! (Is basically where I was going with all of that, LMAO).

And last but not least – the annual Thanksgiving dinner with all the cousins and family peeps.

We only really ever see each other during special occasions, summer and birthdays now, but each and every time we get together it’s always like nothing’s changed. We catch up, we fill each other in about what’s passed and what we’ve missed in each other’s lives, and then we end up in these incredible conversations about life and relationships and so much more. It’s always so good, and such good vibes.

We’re all in the midst of our adulthood now, in the best years of our lives. I made a little speech yesterday before lunch about how blessed and privileged we are to be able to partake in this tradition with one another, and I truly meant every word; I’m so grateful that I have my little family, and I hope that we always find our way to one another for the rest of our lives.

The food was so fucking good by the way. It was probably the best Thanksgiving meal I’ve ever had – Emily went ham (literally) and made the most amazing corn casserole, mashed potatoes, warm-out-the-oven cheese biscuits, macaroni and cheese, and so many other amazing dishes that perfectly complemented the deliciously seasoned turkey and ham.

Which, speaking of, I’m about to devour the leftovers of as soon as I finish this log hehe.

Each and every day of October thus far as been absolutely incredible, just like I knew it would be. I can’t wait to see what the rest of this month holds in store!!! I can’t believe it’s all been unfolding in the exact ways I knew it would – but how can I not believe it, when the Universe is constantly on my side?

I’m truly so thankful for each and every aspect that my life entails. I couldn’t be more blessed. Thank you, Universe. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Love always and in all ways,

Me.

 

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