Day 291 to 295 – October 18th to 22nd, 2018

I usually always write a little something on my birthday, but honestly the past couple days have been so incredible that I’ve wanted nothing more than to just live in the moments that were given to me. So, I’ve got to backtrack now, which I’m more than happy to do because that means I get to relive those moments briefly.

Let’s seee… so my birthday day! I was at Denny’s with Olivia at midnight, and then during the day I spent some time with my family before going to treat myself to a little manicure for some me-time. After I got back home, I started getting ready for my dinner date with Adrian, which I was super excited for.

And I was so right to be – it was magic, from start to finish. I dressed up a little extra for the occasion, and it absolutely paid off. The look he had on his face when I was walking towards him in the car was… priceless. It was everything. And he had a gift waiting for me when I got there; he wrote me a lovely note by hand with all sorts of clever puns, wishing me a Happy Birthday and more. And inside the gift was all my favourite things – wine, my favourite kind of chocolate, bath bombs, even a nicely rolled joint LMAO. It was so incredibly sweet and so thoughtful.

And dinner was out-of-this-world good. I’ve never had Brazilian before, but holy crap. I felt like I’d had this amazingly delicious steak dinner, yet I got to try all sorts of different steaks and so much more what with the all-you-can-eat side stations. It was incredible – the food was mouth-wateringly good.

He didn’t take his eyes off me the whole night. He even apologized for staring at one point, hehe. But I honestly didn’t mind. I love that he looks at me in that way, even if I’m wearing old pajamas and no makeup.

He took care of the whole dinner, which was so kind and generous of him. He made my birthday day that much more special, and I’m so glad we got to spend time together on the actual day of. But oh man, the weekend that followed…

Where do I even begin? It’s got to be the cottage. The cottage is this magical place outside of time, outside of obligations, and quite literally outside of the city and all it entails. I’m so blessed and grateful that I got to spend my birthday weekend here; it truly is one of my favourite places on this earth.

Let’s see… well, we got there a little late Friday night, and we all seemed to arrive at the same time so we were all able to settle in at once. It was a little rainy so there wasn’t any chances to go out and about outside of the cottage, but oh man the shenanigans that took place within.

We got some cards against humanity going, and honestly I can’t remember the details all too much due to my state of mind but holy crap I do remember that my face actually ached from all the laughter that ended up happening that night LOL. It was such a good time. I even accomplished one of my goals and finally smoked with my parents!!! Now that, that was a cool birthday wish that came true.

The next day, we spent the day just milling about and being lazy really, playing indoor games and bonding. My soul was so happy; all I really wanted was just a nice quiet weekend with the people I care about the most. I wanted the warm cozy fire and the chill in the air with the brilliant backdrop of hundreds of multi-coloured leaves. And that’s exactly what I got.

And on top of it all? Adrian got along so well with my parents. In fact, they loved him. They could both see how happy he makes me – he was always giving me affectionate hugs or pecks, regardless of who was around. Which I love love love about him, I love how affectionate he is and how easy it is for him to pull me over and give me a warm bear hug with his arms wrapped basically around my head and shoulders since he’s a good foot taller than me, LOL.

He was his considerate helpful self the whole way through – he helped to clean, to wash dishes, even to cook dinner one night! My mom was super impressed and took to him immediately as a result. And vice versa – at first, I think he seemed a little off-put with how… unorthodox my family was. We’re definitely not your typical brown family, I’ll give you that. But after an evening with them, he told me he found them hilarious and that he liked them too.

And he got along so well with each and every one of my friends, and all of us as a group too. It felt like he fit right in seamlessly.

It was so nice to spend pretty much four days in a row with him. I honestly usually tend to need my own space after spending a lot of time with anyone for days straight, but with him? Not even a little.

I can’t begin to explain how amazing it felt to wake up beside him with the sun rising over the trees, flooding golden light through the massive windows into our room. How it felt to know that I was sharing that amazing place with him, especially with it meaning so much to me. There was a moment I took him down to the dock in the last night to see the stars, and the moon was so bright that it illuminated everything else.

And it was magical. I looked at him in the moonlight, under all those stars, and I just… knew.

I’m so completely head-over-heels for this guy. I don’t care who knows it, I want to scream it from the top of my lungs on the tips of the tallest mountains possible, I want to run around and shake people, I want to do a little dance and make a little love (LMAO). But really? I just want to tell him. I want to look him in those beautiful hazel-green eyes of his and tell him that I’ve fallen harder and deeper for him than I have anyone else, ever. That I’ve never, ever felt this way before – this adored and cared for, this respected and revered. This appreciated. And that the reason I tell him over and over again how much I appreciate him and everything he does is because I’ve never had anything like this before. I’ve never had anyone treat me like this before, with the freedom to be who I am and the genuine appreciation for all that that entails.

But I will. One day, I’m going to get the chance to. And that’ll be the day that these words matter the most… because he’ll finally be able to hear them for himself.

All in all, it was the perfect weekend. My friends gave me the incredible gift of their company by coming up to the cottage, as well as some other sweet little trinkets and things that are so me. I couldn’t be happier with the circle of people who are around me now – it’s a lot less than it was five years ago when I last came up for my birthday, but the quality is impeccable. And I much prefer quality over quantity.

Anyways, I’m still in cottage-mode and feeling super lazy, but slowly and surely I’m re-adjusting to reality. Speaking of reality…

So the day after my birthday and the morning before we left to the cottage while I was sitting in my kitchen having my tea, my neck felt kind of stiff so I started to press at it, wondering if I had slept funny and developed a knot of some kind. But, the more I began to press at my neck, the more I realized that what I was feeling wasn’t a knot – it was two very clear discernible lumps, just beneath my skin. I began to press on the other side and other places, but there was nothing except for a smaller lump on the same side.

I immediately called and made an appointment with my family doctor in downtown, and this morning I had my appointment.

My doctor did a very thorough examination, and explained to me that it appears as though my lymph nodes seem to be swollen, isolated to one side of my neck. With some further investigation, she confirmed that none of my other lymph nodes in my body were swollen, which was a good sign. She explained that it could be a sign of possible infection or oncoming infection (which is why they may be swollen, in an attempt to fend off said infection). She then checked my blood pressure and my temperature, and everything came back normal, which is kind of strange – if it is infection, I don’t have a fever or any of the other accompanying symptoms. In fact, save for the swelling and slight ache in my right side, I feel completely normal. I guess that’s a good thing though!

She made me do blood work immediately in order to see if there were any irregularities in my blood (more blood cell count than others, deficiencies, etc.) She said she’d let me know immediately when/if she found anything. She also made sure that I received priority in regards to booking an ultrasound with St. Michael’s hospital (which is so great that my clinic is linked to that institution because it’s arguably the best hospital in the city). So I have an appointment this Thursday for some further testing in order to figure out what the cause might be.

I honestly have no idea what it could be, and I know I keep telling everyone I’m not worried and that I’m sure everything’s all good. Honestly, a part of me really is sure that everything’s fine which is why I don’t dwell on it very much. But being completely honest with myself here?

Sure, I’m a little worried. It’s just weird, you know? I know the human body does all sorts of weird things that usually mean nothing. But you never know. And I’m not going to know for sure for a couple days time. I’m obviously going to go about my days as per usual and what not and not think about it. I’m about as positive as anyone else you’ll meet, really.

I have way too much to do with my life to even let my mind go in any other direction but positivity, honestly. I just met an incredible human being who makes me so happy, I have a book to write and people to help, I’m back in school and happier than ever… I don’t know. I’m rambling. I know everything’s fine. I also know that these concerns of mine are perfectly valid as well though, which is why I’m expressing them to myself here.

I’m just a little extra emotional and hormonal because I also happened to get my period today, that’s all. Hehe.

I promise that as this week goes on and once I find out what’s going on, I’ll write about it. In the meanwhile, I’ve got a Halloween costume to come up with, some classes to focus on and some work shifts to channel my energy into.

Anyways! Life is beautiful. Today I stopped and looked at this breath-taking tree with leaves that were smack-dab in the midst of changing colours from their regular vivacious green to a vibrant red-orange and I couldn’t help but appreciate how truly beautiful life can be in the smallest and biggest of ways. I’m so grateful. I really am. For everything.

So, here I am. This is twenty-six. I can’t wait for all the beauty, magic, love, challenges, hardships, victories, lessons, laughter, light, books, people, moments and everything else that this year of my life is bound to hold in store for me.

I’m so thankful I’ve made it this far. For everything my life has entailed, it’s been wonderful, it really has.

Thank you, Universe. Thank you.

Love always and in every way,

Me.

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