Day 17 – January 17th, 2019

Yet another ordeal today, LMFAO. But honestly, it hasn’t been a bad week or anything like that. Just, interesting I suppose!

Let’s see… well, I started off my day by going to get my chest x-ray done and it took all of 2 seconds before I was out the door again! It was actually so quick. I’m hoping they’ve already sent the results to my doctor because I’m seeing her tomorrow morning and if I can kill two birds with one stone and get the results for both my X-ray AND my TB test, that would be swell. But we’ll see!

On the bright side, I’ve been feeling pretty great! Every day I drink a shot of lemon and ginger, and I also juice a whole bunch of superfoods like kale, spinach, ginger, lemon, oranges, apples and more, and I drink that! So the chills-feeling has been less and less.

After my x-ray, I headed home to chill for a bit before heading off to my late night class.

It was a good class, but for some reason I had the urge to leave a little bit earlier than I normally do. So I dallied for a bit while she wrapped up a YouTube video, and then I crept out. I went to the washroom (so I didn’t have to rush into my house with my pants around my ankles and shoes still on at bladder Defcon 1) and then headed out towards the subway.

As I was approaching the subway, I vaguely noticed a girl sitting on a bench and a guy sitting awfully close next to her. Within split seconds, the girl was running in my direction and past me, and the guy was following. Only, he stopped right in front of me.

Well – turns out it was a drunk and high off his ass belligerent dude who was clearly not altogether. He wouldn’t let me pass him no matter which direction I tried to cut around him, and he kept saying he wasn’t going to attack me. Finally I stopped trying to dance around him, and backed away slowly.

But then, he kept coming close to me as I backed away so I decided to stand my ground and firmly asked him to stop coming towards me, and you know what? The dude actually listened for like 2 seconds before he started coming towards me again.

He started telling me that he was high and drunk and all he needed was someone to sit next to him for a little while. But then he reached out and touched me. In fact, he pushed me a little, and that’s when I started to go into my weird freeze-panic mode.

Thankfully, a stranger had been watching the whole exchange and when he saw the drunk guy push me, the stranger rushed over and intervened. He asked the drunk guy what he was doing, to leave me alone, and that he shouldn’t be acting that way towards me.

But then, the drunk dude started harassing that poor stranger – the stranger kept trying to walk away calmly but the drunk guy was getting in his face and yelling at him that he wasn’t planning on attacking me. It was almost as though the drunk guy was deliberately trying to provoke anyone into fighting him, for some reason.

I didn’t want to walk off and leave the stranger alone with this drunk guy, so I quietly mouthed “thank you” to the friendly stranger and motioned to him covertly that I was calling campus security.

Only then, the drunk guy realized what I was doing and rushed back over to me but I kept darting away as I waited for security to pick up. A nearby TTC worker started to intervene as well at this point, yelling at the drunk guy to walk off and leave everyone alone.

I finally got a hold of security and told them (as calmly as I could) about the drunk guy being belligerent and harassing everyone in the vicinity of the entrance to the subway, and how he’d pushed me and was now harassing someone else.

They were really efficient – they got a camera on him right away, asked me for a detailed description which I provided as well as I could (at this point, the drunk dude had walked away and was heading into campus where there were plenty of other students – no bueno) and they asked me if I was okay.

Honestly, I was mad shook but it wasn’t like anything worse had happened so I said I was okay and headed into the subway, and that was that.

I tried to find the guy who had helped me but he’d disappeared. I’m so thankful he intervened – there really are kind people out there still and that warms my heart.

I headed home, pumped up on adrenaline that was coursing through my body. I’m pretty sure my face on the bus ride home was like O.O the entire way LMFAO.

I’m very, very, very thankful that nothing worse happened. Thank god he didn’t have a weapon and that he wasn’t more aggressive than he was being. I’ve been taking night classes this year and so far, this is the worst thing that’s happened and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it could be, so I’m really happy about that. I’m definitely going to be careful and be more conscientious about how I keep myself safe and aware.

Once I got home, I honestly just sat in silence for a couple hours until the adrenaline worked its way out of my system, and now I finally feel like I can sleep. You know what’s weird?

I’m not sure if I was scared. Adrenaline is different than feeling fear. I wasn’t afraid of him per se, but I did freeze. It’s such a strange reaction I have in situations like that eh? Instead of flight or fight, I freeze instead. Everything slows down and gets weirdly clear. Like I can see in my head my thought process and how I was trying to get ahold of security. I didn’t panic, but afterwards when it all subsided, I was little shaky.

We’re such interesting creatures, human beings. And coincidentally enough, we were just talking about reactions due to fear and anxiety in the class I had just been in.

I started off this week thinking and fearing the worst. I let myself get in my head and drown in my personal narrative. I got attached to the outcome and let my doubts get the best of me. I can’t help but wonder if the energy my thoughts and emotions created had anything to do with what I went through this week. Do we really have that much of a hand in shaping our reality, or does that belief create a dangerous hubris?

I can’t help but wonder. I marvelled at how everything unfolded too – had I decided to not go to the washroom, had I chosen to stay in class the whole way, things would have been completely different. It’s quite amazing to me to see how the smallest decisions and the fraction of seconds even could change the course of your life completely.

And I’m not thinking that ^ in a “I wish that hadn’t happened to me” kind of way, moreso in an “awe of the universe and life” kind of way. I’m humbled and thankful that I’m all good and I’ll probably hopefully forget this (but not what it taught me) and keep going on with life.

This experience taught me that literally anything can happen in life within seconds. Everything you know about your reality can be thrown out the window in a mere moment. Life is fleeting and always changing and growing and sometimes, can be short.

This whole week taught me to stay grateful. To be thankful. I’ve taken my health for granted for so long that only now when it’s in question, am I really appreciating it. And now even still – I’m thankful it’s not as bad as it could be! Because it could always be so much more worse, but it’s not.

I’m grateful that I can let myself cry in a bus-full of strangers and be okay with that because I know that I need to. I’m grateful for kind strangers with good hearts who act on impulse. I’m grateful for small mercies from the universe, and the constant reminders to stay humble and remember how fragile this existence is – and to live accordingly. Not in fear, but in gratitude, in colour, in the fullest, in the liveliest of ways.

It’s been a heck of a week but you know what? I’ve been asking the Universe to keep teaching me, and that’s exactly what it’s been doing. I keep searching for wisdom in books or in people, but sometimes the best lessons come from the most unexpected ways.

So, I’m thankful for this week too.

Anyways, that’s about all for tonight! Tomorrow morning I see my doctor, and later on I’m meeting Adrian – he got us a hotel for the night so that we can spend some quality time together, which was very sweet. I can’t wait to unwind and just relax.

I’ll write tomorrow when I get a chance!!

Thank you Universe, for both protecting me and teaching me.

Love always,

Me.

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