Day 21 & 22 – January 21st + 22nd, 2019

Whoops, I forgot to write yesterday too! I knew I was forgetting something. Awell!

Yesterday was absolutely amazing. The girls and I went to a salt cave spa and just indulged ourselves with relaxation and rest. I did an infrared sauna session that warmed me to my core and released toxins, and then we all did the salt cave together.

The salt cave is exactly what you think it is – a cave comprised solely of Himalayan pink salt bricks, with a layers upon layers of smaller salt crystals bedecking the floor. They even pump salt-infused humidified air into the cave in order to clear your sinuses and respiratory system! It was a grounding and rejuvenating experience and I’m glad I got to experience it with some of my favourite people.

Later on in the evening, we had a wonderful dinner together with this incredible spread of tapas and other appetizers and bite-sized morsels. It was literally a spread from my dreams, anyone who knows me well enough knows that I freakin’ love finger foods and bites.

We had such an incredible time together just laughing and talking about everything and anything – and it felt so nice to have the group all back together after a year of estrangement.

I’m glad we’ve all decided to let bygones be bygones. Life’s too short!

There’s something I kind of wanted to discuss with myself here as honestly as humanly possible with the utmost clarity I can muster. I must reiterate to myself though: just because it’s on my mind, does not mean it has power over me. By writing about it here, I am choosing to let it go afterwards and I will not entertain any further thoughts of it or give any more energy to it after this.

So during my last shift at work, Luna told me she had something… interesting to tell me. She told me that Sera had sent her a video that Dylan told her to tell Luna to show to me (if that makes any sense at all).

Okay basically, Dylan took Sera to a little cove in Hawaii where the waters were crystal blue and sparking – my favourite place in Hawaii. He told her it was my favourite place, and there they saw some sea turtles. In fact, it was Dylan’s first time seeing sea turtles and he got to swim with them too.

I’d already seen the video myself on his Instagram and I couldn’t help but comment and say how amazing it was; but I’d left it at that. I hadn’t realized that he’d seen them in my favourite place.

Luna, with that sly trouble-making smile of hers, casually mentioned how “interesting” it was that Dylan had taken Sera there, and wondered aloud what it meant that he was thinking of me there.

I brushed it off with a shrug and walked away, but you know, I couldn’t help but wonder either.

So, rationally – it could mean nothing. Maybe that’s his new favourite place there too. Maybe it had nothing to do with me, even if he did mention to Sera it was my favourite place and even though she told Luna to show me that video.

Bottom line: regardless OF whatever it means – I’m with Adrian, and happily so. It doesn’t matter what it does or doesn’t mean. I’ve made my choices and Dylan’s made his. Now, all that’s left and all I want is our friendship, genuinely.

I went on break with Sola shortly after and I told her about what Luna told me. What I love about Sola (amidst her wonderful humour and massive heart) is that she’s always always 110% honest with me, completely. And it’s never ever in a judgemental, condescending way where she acts like she knows more or better than I do – she’s always warm like sunshine and sincerely genuine. She’s kind of like the older sister I’ve never had, but she honestly seems closer to me in age (and looks it too). She’s lived long enough to know stuff and has experienced so much in life; so, I trust her opinion.

Anyways, she thinks that he and I won’t be able to be friends – that when you have feelings for someone, they’re always a part of you. I agree with the latter to a certain extent; I believe you have a choice on letting those feelings become a part of who you once were and eclipsing a new relationship with the old ways you once related to that person.

He suggested that we hang out once we get back (which, who knows if that’ll actually happen tbh knowing him), but say he does make that effort and it does end up happening. I trust myself enough to be completely honest with me – if there’s even the slightest inkling of feelings beyond friendship on my part (nervousness, butterflies, any of that) then I step back and let things be. It’s been over a year since all of that though, and I’ve stepped into my relationship with Adrian wholly, with all of my heart. We’ll see what the truth of the matter is when/if I’m actually in that situation, but I know what I know and I feel what I feel. I trust myself.

And if Sola is right and the fact that he did bring Sera there means more than just simple friendship in any way, shape or form, I’ll know, and take the necessary measures to step back.

I really do want to just be friends and I’m hoping we can do just that, regardless of what’s happened and what I’ve said and felt towards him. He was a good friend to me first and foremost before anything else happened, and I want to keep that friendship if we can. We’ll see how it goes though.

Olivia asked me if seeing his posts on Instagram or anything like that made my heart skip a beat or react in any way, and honestly? No, not anymore. I’m so completely head over heels for Adrian – he’s everything I could have ever wanted for myself, if not more. I told Sola that it feels like I’ve been searching for him in everyone I’ve ever loved or been with and that I’ve finally found him, and she teared up and got emotional LMAO. It truly feels that way though. He’s all the best pieces and parts of everyone I’ve ever fallen for, and so much more than that in who he is as a person and what he brings to the table that is our relationship.

I’m happy. And that’s that.

That’s all for today I believe! Also – Adrian and I finally booked our ticket to New Orleans, YAYYYYYYYYY!! It’s official baby, we’re going to NOLA in exactly 24 days!!!! Ahhhhhhhh I’m so excited, I can’t waitttttt! My travel bug is itching like crazy, I need this so bad.

I’ll find some time to write tomorrow, I promise! I know yesterday was technically the “21 day mark” of forming my new habits, but clearly I still need some work on my discipline. The meditation and skin care routine is going well though!!!

Take the wins where you can, right?

Love always,

Me.

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