Day 40 – February 9th, 2019

It’s been a while since I’ve been this excited to type a log!!!! I finally asked Adrian all the questions I’ve wanted to ask him about his ex, FINALLY!!! And, I was so honest about myself in so many ways because he asked me a lot of questions that I answered as vulnerably and openly as I could. All in all, not only did we plan our trip for next weekend but we actually got to know each other a little deeper tonight.

God it was so good. It went exactly the way I’ve pictured in my head, over and over. I like the way we ask each other questions, and then listen. It honestly feels like we’re playing a game of “guess who” but with deeper and more meaningful questions and we each have… each other? Was that a proper analogy? I guess I could just say that it’s like we’re each puzzles and we’re trying to put pieces together in the attempt to get the full picture of one another.

What’s so funny is that in my last log (or the one before that?) I said something about how I can’t force those vulnerable moments and as true as that was… this happened so naturally and yet so quickly within asking for it to happen!!! I guess yes you can’t force things but you sure as hell can make use of the opportunities given to you to do so. MANIFESTATIONNNNNNN!

I just re-read this over and I can’t tell if it makes sense because I am slightly high LOL. I also keep getting lost in reminiscing about this past evening because it was just that good. And oh my god that moment when we asked me about that double-sided paper at the end… kjsdfkdhrkjdhrtgkjhfbg

I don’t think I can do this log proper justice right now in this state but I sure as hell do not want to forget anything so – quick highlights for myself: telling him I’m bad with money and trying to save now, asking about what he was like in high school, him asking me what I was like in high school, which led to me asking him about how his tastes in the stuff he liked as a kid was formed, which led to me asking him if he was still “angry”, which eventually led to what he was like in university versus what I was like in university, which led to me asking him about her (how did you meet, how long were you together, what went wrong, why/how he felt the way he felt, the story of how they broke up, I asked him why he calls her “crazy”), which led to him asking me why I stopped being friends with Radha, which also led to talking about my relationship with Nick, which led to what I was like in my relationship with Nick, and then I finally asked him the “last question”, and then he asked me his “last question” which led to “that moment” and our wonderful heartfelt conversation afterwards.

Okay. That’s the cliff notes version of tonight, hopefully when I wake up tomorrow I’ll still remember all the filling pieces in between those high lights to flesh out the conversation because this is definitely one I do not want to forget. I feel like we got a lot more transparent with one another and even now I’m still so in awe with how openly and honestly he responds to all my questions with no hesitation or judgement whatsoever.

And you know what’s really funny? NONE OF THIS would have happened tonight had I gone to that goddamn dinner!!!!! The universe man, the universe. It works in the most mysterious yet wonderful ways. And I cannot thank it enough for looking out for me, even in the moments that I’m not in the right place to look out for myself. Just, thank you Universe. Thank you.

I’m so happy. I just can’t believe I finally got to ask everything I’ve wanted to ask for so long. And I’m so incredibly happy he was so receptive to it – it didn’t seem like he was holding back in the slightest. He wasn’t defensive or curious as to why I was asking what I was asking, he just went with it and let it be what it was.

Oh, side note that I also do not want to forget – he mentioned that his friends think I’m perfect for him!!! Which is so incredibly important to me because they’ve been in his life since ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. So basically, forever LMAO. And I know that his friends are extremely important to him, they know him better than anyone and they are his constant. So the fact that they like me and think we’re perfect for one another means the world to me.

It’s so scary being vulnerable. I both get and don’t get why. My heart was racing so fast the entire time I was trying to figure out what exactly I was going to say about the double-sided note. But it felt so good, so so so good to be honest and open.

Okay, I’ve been sitting for a little while here just thinking and thinking and thinking but I think (LOL) it’s about time I get some rest. This was such a good day. And one week exactly from today, I’ll either be dancing it up somewhere in New Orleans or falling asleep all cuddled up in a King suite, with the love of my life. Sigh.

Until tomorrow then!

Love always, always,

Me.

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