Day 44 + 45 – February 13 & 14th, 2019

I don’t know if I want to write a full log today but I can’t sleep right now because I’m honestly so happy and that happiness is actually keeping me awake, like I legit am THAT happy that I cannot get myself to sleep. This has been THE best Valentine’s Day I’ve ever, ever, ever experienced in my 26 years of living and I can’t stop saying how happy I am, LMAO. Omg.

Maybe I will go into a little bit of detail (since I can’t sleep anyways) but also because I don’t want to forget ANY of it.

So we didn’t have any plans today but after I finished work, Adrian came all the way over to my house to surprise me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers, heart-shaped cookies and a card. It was soooooo cute, the way he was just standing outside my door with that smile on his face, AHHH.

Once he came in and we sat for a bit, I opened the card and the front page said “love you lots” and I literally stared at it for a good couple minutes before looking up at him, and he was watching me carefully. Inside, he’d written a wonderful little poem for me (similar to the poem he’d written and sent to me earlier this morning), and it was so incredibly sweet.

After that, I told him I had been planning on binging rom-coms and packing that evening, so instead we watched Lala Land together, one of my favourite romantic movies. And then, he got us dinner from my favourite Caribbean food place just down the road from my neighbourhood. It was absolutely the most perfect date night-in, and definitely the cutest and sweetest Valentine’s date I’ve ever had.

And as wonderful as all these things are, that’s not the main reason I can’t stop smiling or can’t sleep.

It’s because after all of this, when it was finally time for him to leave and we were standing in the hallway near the kitchen, I finally realized I was ready to say what I’ve always wanted to tell him.

So, I began by telling him that this was the best Valentine’s date I’ve ever been on. That no one has ever made me this happy, done anything this romantic for me, made me feel this appreciated and cared for, and no one has ever made me feel this free. And even though we’d only really “officially” started dating recently, it was because of those reasons…

I finally said “I love you”.

I meant it with every single fibre of my being. I was never more present than I was when I was looking into his eyes as I said those words, with no fear or hesitation whatsoever.

And guess what?

He said it back.

HE SAID IT BACK!!!!! He gazed at me for a moment, eyes wide as I was saying everything I was saying, and then he smiled at me so warmly before telling me he loved me too.

And my whole entire heart melted when he kissed me. It was so full of emotion and passion that I literally burst into happy tears as we kissed, LMFAO. I honestly couldn’t help but say “omg this cannot get anymore cheesy” when we pulled apart. But as cheesy as it was, it was such a beautiful, raw, honest and tender moment.

I was crying so much he had to get me a tissue omg. But honestly I was so freaking happy, I couldn’t help it!! I looked at him and I was like, “you do?” And he nodded and I explained that I was scared because I wasn’t sure if it’d be too soon.

I asked him if he knew why I had told him to tell me when he read the double-sided note, and he’d known all along! He’s known the whole time what I’ve been trying to tell him, I think we know each other too well now to really hide anything. I told him I chickened out then, but that I was finally ready to say it today and he agreed that it should only be said when one was ready to say it.

And then he said it again, and whispered it in my ear, and oh how wonderful it was to hear those words in his voice.

And that is why I cannot sleep, and cannot stop smiling. I have finally said the words that I’ve been keeping in my heart for quite some time now. And it was so freeing to be so vulnerable – it felt like jumping off a cliff in the most wonderful way possible, the thrill of the fall and the cool rush of the water below.

Lord almighty I think I’ve cried more in this one month alone than I have in the past two years LMFAO. All for good reasons though, the last session was because Olivia and I had the deepest and most connected and vulnerable conversation which made us both cry.

Anyways, I guess there’s no better day that the “day of love” to express that love eh? Sighhhh.

But I intend to, for every day after. I want to show him how much I love him in all the things I do, in my touch, through the sound of my voice, the little gestures – not just the words themselves. And I will.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Universe. Lord knows about 3 years ago I would never in a million years have thought I could be this happy, or be with someone this absolutely incredibly wonderful. I am so blessed and so completely grateful.

Okay, I’m going to try to get some shut-eye! I woke up today and knew it was going to be life-changing in someway hehe. To our first Valentines Day together… and for all the ones to come.

Love always, love all around in every way,

Me.

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