Day 88 to 92 – March 29th to April 2nd, 2019

Hello! So that was a crazy couple of days I went through last week. Lots of revelations, lots of things that had to be done as a result. I know what I have to do to move forward, but my main priority is pursuing the introspective route and figuring out how to end the “cycle” to the best of my ability. My appointment with my family doctor is scheduled for next Monday, which is good.

I just started reading this book by Dr. Gabor Mate, “Scattered Minds”. It’s about ADD in children and adults, from diagnosis to healing. He himself also has ADD, so it’s been so interesting to read about ADD from the perspective of a doctor who has it too. In fact, so much of what I’ve already read so far has resonated with me on a very deep level. I had to stop reading because, I don’t think I’m ready per se. I’m also scared – I can relate to so much of what he says and so much of what he describes as ADD/ADHD. But what if I got through the assessment and I’m told I don’t have it? Which I suppose would be a good thing, but then what do I have left to explain why my academic life has been the way that it has been for most of my life? It’s all very… I don’t know. It makes me uncomfortable but I know that’s a good thing and it’s also a given once you start searching for answers. And answers are exactly what I need now.

On a more positive note – my parents have officially left to Sri Lanka for 3 weeks! Wow. I love them so much, I really do, but three whole weeks of pure unadulterated (no pun intended) freedom!?! I barely even know what to do with myself, LMAO. So far, so good though. I just have to make sure Bea and Olivia are okay and fed and what not, and obviously take care of myself which shouldn’t be too difficult to do.

Also, after this week I start my new position! I was feeling kind of anxious about it because it is a whole new role that’s been created basically specifically for me, so I made some notes as to what I can do to be proactive in my new role without having to wait to be told what to do. I want to step into this as confidently as I can because I’ve earned this, and I’d like to be treated as such as well.

I have a lot of things I have to do. And slowly but surely, I’m going to get around to doing them. But for now, I’m just going to relax and enjoy this momentary peace and quiet because Lord knows it’s going to fly by.

I guess that’s about it? I’m looking forward to all the new challenges this month will bring about. April is always a good month.

Oh yeah wait! So it’s been almost a week since I’ve deleted Instagram and Netflix off of my phone, and guess which one I’ve been struggling with the most. Netflix!!! Isn’t that nuts? I never realized how easy it is to sink into binge-watching and turn off my brain. It’s almost unnerving now, the amount of free time I have now that I’ve deleted the app off of my phone and I no longer have anything to watch or the means to watch it. But this is so good though. This is teaching me moderation, instead of the mindless binging and autopilot scrolling. Even the Instagram purge is going well. Sometimes I miss it and I’ll redownload it for two seconds in an attempt to perhaps deactivate my account completely, but then I just delete it again.

I don’t know if I want to deactivate it completely, it’s so weird to think of completely cutting off my access to that platform. I know it was such a waste of time and I was definitely borderline addicted to it. I no longer check my phone first thing in the morning or spend like ten minutes in bed just mindlessly scrolling before I begin my day, so deleting it off my phone really has made such a difference. But I do enjoy collecting my travels on it. Maybe I can just keep my account but keep the app off of my phone, redownload it to check it once a week, and use it only while I travel. I’d say that’s a pretty good compromise! But for now, cold turkey. At least for as long as I can muster before I start reintroducing it in small doses again. Or something.

Anyways, that’s about it!

Tomorrow I’m going to hang out with Adrian (he’s making dinner for us), and Olivia’s going to be home so Bea’s not all alone, which I hope is okay. I lowkey feel a little guilty about leaving but I swear it’s the only time I will. But Olivia’s home, so that’s good. But she’ll be working. But yeah.

Okay, that’s all for today! I’ll write to myself more frequently this month I feel, because I have a lot more time and this is actually a productive way to spend my time as opposed to Netflix/Instagram.

Until next time!

Love always,

Me.

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