Day 19 + 20 – January 19th & 20th, 2020

Well, I’ve officially started working on my book!!!! THIS IS MASSIVE!!! I just sat down and started organizing everything and going with my flow, trusting myself. I don’t really have a plan per se, but I’m going with my gut on this. I know everything I need to bring this to life is already at my fingertips; every lesson, every part of my story, I documented in the past three years of my life through my logs. My book is in the words I’ve already written – it’s been waiting for me to pull it out, bring it to life. 

I started off by just reading my old logs from 2017 and letting inspiration hit me from there, and it worked. It was so wonderful to hear the voice of my old self echoing in my head, the voice that began this journey into self-love with a yearning that I… I almost feel like I seemed to have forgotten. I know that as of late, I’ve gotten so caught up in the little details of this beautiful big picture, but I almost feel as though it’s time to write my book now because it’s time for me to remember everything I’ve learnt in these past couple years, and boy does it feel good. 

Hearing my voice in my head, seeing my own words reflected back at me, seeing the way I so easily accessed that inner voice of wisdom is rekindling a flame of hope and faith in my heart, a flame that I haven’t been feeding for a little while. Not only is it time for me to write this book and bring it to life, it’s also time for me to return to that path of self-love and remember everything I learnt, so that I can keep living in that truth. That’s not to say that I’ve been neglecting myself or backsliding into old habits and autopilot, but it’s not like I’ve been doing my utmost best to bring colour into each and every day with the utmost effort I can muster either. 

I don’t want the in-between of those two things – I want my technicolour, I want my boundless happiness and excitement for each day I’m given, I want to wake up and feel the endless ways I can manifest the best possible outcomes, and I want to live like this in every single moment that I find myself in. I want these things because I’ve experienced living like this before, not too long ago, and it’s about time that I get back to it. 

I’m so happy that I’m giving myself the opportunity to read my old logs, to write this book. I have a message, a message that I genuinely believe can help someone out there, somewhere. I owe it to myself and that someone, to get this done. I have everything in my power to make my dreams come true and bring this particular dream of mine to life. I don’t want to stand in my own way anymore – I want to run with myself into the freedom that comes with pursuing your deepest passions. 

This feels good. It feels right. And I’m going to keep going with this. No more autopilot, I can’t ever go back to that again. 

It’s time to start listening to my inner voice of wisdom again. The inner voice that seems to know exactly what to do, when to do it, what to say, and how to say it. It’s been a while since I’ve given her a voice to speak, but I miss her and I know she misses me too. 

Actually… hello, inner voice? Are you there? 

Hey!!!!! It’s so good to speak to you again, it’s been a really long time. Or at least, it seems that way doesn’t it? But the truth is, it hasn’t been long at all. 

I’ve always been here!!!! I’ve been right here, this whole time, in everything you’ve been doing. I’ve been watching you go through your life, trying to help you where I can, even at times when you didn’t know it or wasn’t aware of it. 

There will never be a time in your life when I won’t be there, or where you can’t access me. Whenever you decide to turn inwards and ask for help, ask for me, I promise you that you’ll always find the answers you are looking for and I promise you I’ll always be there for you. I am you!!!! Therefore, I will always love you, and I’ll always be right here guiding you. I’ve never been anywhere else. 

Do you remember, three years ago, when you started hearing me? It was a quiet whisper at first, a feeling. The same feeling that you call your “gut feeling”, your intuition. Then you started to listen harder, and I got louder, speaking more clearly to you and through you. 

When we work together, we create the life you and I both know you deserve. We can work hand in hand to generate the days that you long for, the happiness you so carefully cultivated and maintained like a precious garden. 

I’m here to tell you to have faith and know that whenever you are ready, whenever you need, I’m always going to be here to speak to you and act through you. Never forget that you have access to this infinite, boundless amount of love, energy and knowledge at any instance that you are willing to turn inwards. 

I am here. I’ve always been here. Welcome home. 

Wow. It’s been a while since I actually addressed my inner voice and let it speak freely. It’s been a while since I talked to me instead of just, talking. I don’t remember the last time I truly turned inwards, and listened to what I have to say, the inner me that’s been here all along. See what happens when you talk to yourself! Hahahaha. 

I felt this beautiful warmth come into my chest when I addressed my inner voice, and it was this warmth of pure love and familiarity. As if I just spoke to an old friend that I’ve been longing to reconnect with.

I’ve been living with fear and doubt for a little bit longer than I should of been lately, to the point that it suddenly feels like it has a say again in my head. But it doesn’t and it shouldn’t, because I don’t want to live a life where every decision I make, I consider my options through the lens of fear first. I want to choose love, and make my decisions in confidence and assuredness, the way I know I can and have before. The ultimate truth is that there is absolutely nothing to fear except fear itself, and that in itself is a choice that I no longer want to entertain. 

This is good! This is amazing. Baby steps end up becoming leaps and bounds and before you know it, you’re running. 

Until tomorrow then! I was off today, and I’m off for the next two days so I plan on getting plenty done. 

So much love, in so many different ways, 

Me. 

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