Day 3 + 4 – January 3rd & 4th, 2020

Hello! Okay, missed a day, but that’s alright! 

I never really got to catch up about the holidays – how Christmas was, the cottage, New Year’s Eve. It was a quiet set of holidays honestly, time spent with family and friends, and exactly what I needed. Christmas Day I spent with Adrian’s family, who were welcoming as ever. They honestly remind me so much of my own massive family in Sri Lanka – so warm and open and ready to love. And there’s so much love in that family! Adrian is honestly so, so lucky.

After Christmas and after Olivia and Bea left for their trips, we headed up to the cottage for some quiet wintry relaxation surrounded by the stillness of the snow and the woods. It was exactly what I needed after such a busy holiday season – Adrian, Krystal, Chad and I had so much fun tobogganing, walking on the frozen lake, playing board games and Mario Kart, smoking a ton of weed and drinking lots of wine and ending up in super deep hours-long thought-provoking discussions on our personal theories regarding society, the “system”, the Universe, horoscopes, you name it. I love that we all get along so well and know how to occupy time and space together in ways that work out for us all. It’s always so easy and go with the flow, and we all just click. It makes me happy. They honestly have become some of my closest friends over these years.

I’m happy that that’s how I got to end this year. It reaffirmed a lot of what I wrote in my first log of this year, and it was a perfect way to close off the year. Oh and! More good news: so, I hadn’t heard from Radha for quite a while after her accident, like 2 months of silence. I was worried and concerned, but not enough to jump to conclusions or assume the worst. I messaged her from time to time, just letting her know that I was thinking of her and wishing her well always. Even though I missed her, a part of me knew there was a reason for her silence and I did not use it as a gauge to measure our friendship.

I’m glad I trusted my gut, because she eventually messaged and let me know that she was reeling from the shock of her accident, and consequently breaking up with her boyfriend as a result. She needed to go inwards, depend on herself, face her pain on her own and gain her power back. She wanted to do it by herself, for herself. She apologized for her silence and distance, but thanked me for my constant support.

I assured her I knew better than to take her silence personally, and I told her how proud of her I was, and that the strength she would find from this would shape her into the woman she aspired to be. I told her she would rise like a phoenix from the ashes, and whenever she was ready, I would be on the other side.

On New Years Day, I messaged her once more and she immediately reached out and said she was ready to reconnect with the world once more. She seemed transformed, and finally understood all this time what I’ve been telling her about the true power of self-love. By facing her pain on her own, by not letting herself run from it, or run to me, she loved herself into healing. She picked herself up off the floor and made a vow to herself to love herself as wholly as she deserved. I honestly could not be prouder.

This is it Universe. More and more I’m finding that the themes I want to embody in my book are showing up in my day to day life. I can feel it. It’s time. I’m not going to force anything, but I know I’ll know when I know, and I know I’ll know exactly what I’m meant to do or how I am meant to proceed. My guides are going to be working with me because I’m opening the door to them. It’s time.

Anyways, I’m writing this log on a bus and trying my best to find time to write where I can, when I can. This month, because I do have so much free time, I ended to do my best to make this into a proper habit. But I have so much faith, in both this year and myself.

I have to hop on the subway soon, but I promise one of these days soon, I will make the time to write a long proper log. Hopefully tomorrow, since I’ll be finishing early at work and I’ll have the evening to myself.

Until then!

Love love love,

Me.

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