Day 21, 22, 23 – January 21st, 22nd, & 23rd, 2020

Hello, hello! 

I haven’t written in a couple days even though I’ve had the time to, and I think I’m realizing what led to my lack of writing last year. 

I didn’t write until I desperately, absolutely, direly needed to write. And sometimes, when things got really busy, I didn’t really “feel” the need to write until weeks or sometimes months passed by, which is what led to my not writing much at all last year. Aha!

That is exactly what we’re not going to let happen this year around. This year, the most I’ll ever go without writing is 3 days, just like these past couple days hehe. Even when I don’t really feel the need to write, I must write!!! It’s the only way to cultivate this back into a habit. 

Another thing I’ve realized going through my old logs – every day, I gave myself a new reason to write. I would make each and every day as exciting as I could so that I could go home and be excited to write about a new exchange or a new lesson from a book, or a new realization that was important to me. That’s another thing I have to get back to! Maybe another way to incentivize me to write everyday, is to write a lesson or something important I’d like to reiterate to myself. 

I like that! These are all good ideas. Reading my old logs is like hearing the voice of a friend – it’s warm, familiar, and it makes me happy. Seeing the way I connected to my inner voice so easily and heard it so clearly gives me hope that I can hear it that way again with the work I’m doing and intend to do. 

So, what have I missed?

Well, I dyed my hair blue!!! It turned out to be more a teal-turquoise kind of colour with some shimmering hints of sapphire blue, but hey, I did always like how Kylie Jenner’s hair looked when she did that colour so why not! I feel super badass and I also really wanted to do something to channel my “fearless” alter-ego – especially with everything that’s going on these days. 

2020 started… in very strange and horrible ways, on the international front. Australia is basically on fire (there are serious bushfires that are ravaging pretty big parts of the country due to the intense heat of their summers and lack of rain), Iran and the US butted heads to the extent “World War 3” was trending on twitter, Iran consequently fear-bombed a plane that was filled with completely innocent passengers on their way back to Canada, and now there’s a terrifying “plague-like” virus in China that’s steadily infecting more and more people and inspiring a SARS-reminiscent fear among the masses despite the media’s not-so-effective attempts to curb public panic and terror. 

Sooo, yeah… end of days? 

Dark humour aside, these are some pretty scary headlines that we’ve been seeing lately. And I almost can’t help it – in an attempt to stay informed, I keep devouring these new headlines and articles and updates but, with that knowledge also comes… fear. 

There’s a part of me in my head that says, “hey, maybe ignorance really is bliss in some ways”, but I know that’s not really the case. A while ago, I was able to stay informed without becoming super involved in what I was informing myself about, and I’d very much like to return to that frame of mind.

What good does it do me to instill a sense of fear in myself regarding all of these things if they are out of my control? Now, I know that sounds selfish on some level, but what I mean is there’s no reason for me to start fearing everyone and everything because that doesn’t help anyone, including myself. Imagine, I start talking to a coworker and telling them everything I know with that urgent sense of fear in my voice, and then that fear becomes their fear and they start telling other people what I’ve told them with that same level of fear, and it just becomes an endless loop of fear and terror and sadness. 

It’s important to stay informed, yes. I’m not saying I’m going to bury my head in the sand and pretend all is okily-dokily, as Ned Flanders would say. (Truthfully I’d probably say it too, hehe). There just has to be some kind of healthy detachment or level of understanding, just to an extent where it doesn’t negatively affect your life, keep you up at night, or have you obsessively reading articles that have the exact same amount of information that’s just regurgitated with varying facts, numbers and further adjectives for the words “terrifying” or “deadly”. 

I can’t tell you how many articles I’ve read regarding this coronavirus only to know the exact same thing 10 different ways. I don’t even know if what I’m reading is true!!! I’ve maybe read about 5 different articles today, and every single one had different numbers regarding the amount of people infected or the amount of people who have died. I don’t know what’s true, but what I do know is that this is life. People die, people get sick, people suffer and humanity as a whole bears this burden because it’s just an inevitable part of being human. But, rather than fearing this and allowing fear to rule my life and be the undercurrent to all my decisions and actions, I can instead use this information to pre-emptively be more proactive about my health and be cautious on a rational basis, as I always am. 

I empathize with this situation, and I’m glad that I have access to certain resources that allow me to remain informed. But that’s it. No fear. Fear is not allowed to have a place in my life. 

It’s humbling to be reminded how fragile we really are. That fear shouldn’t be entertained in a bad way, but a good way. It should be used to remind us to be living life as fully, whole-heartedly and as of service as humanly possible. A smile to a stranger, holding the door for a passerby, kind words to a person who may need them – that’s what this fear of mortality should inspire us towards. Trying to make this life as meaningful and fulfilled as possible, whatever that may entail to you. 

To me, that’s travelling with the love of my life next week to a sunny, tropical destination and exploring all that island and its beautiful translucent turquoise waters have to offer, with no fear whatsoever and all the excitement I can possibly muster. To me, it’s looking fear dead in the eye and saying, “I understand you but I do not accept you” and letting go, in order to invite and allow courage and confidence a place to stay in my heart and soul. 

Every day, I must do what I can to reclaim and embody the girl who swam with sharks, who travelled to new countries alone, who made friends with strangers across the globe, who jumped off cliffs or boats into the deepest of waters, the girl who left her comfort zones to really fall in love with herself to make her life her own. The girl with purple, and now blue hair. And that’s me. 

Besides – if there’s anything that life has taught me, it’s that the Universe doesn’t hear what you don’t want. If you stay fixated on the things you fear, all it hears is the thing itself. Ergo, the more time and energy you spend focusing on the things you fear, the more likely you are to manifest said things into your life! It’s just how the Law of Attraction works. This is why your thoughts can quite literally shape your reality and why perception and mindfulness are so, so important!

So, I would rather focus on fun. I want to focus on gratitude, laughter, good company, my blessings, my writings, my book. I want to focus on love. I want to see everything and everyone through the lens of love, and not fear. 

How’s that for seeing the world through rose-coloured glasses, eh? Maybe there’s something to be said about that old phrase, after all. 

Such a good log! My heart is happy. I feel like I’m returning to my old ways of writing too, full of expression (and hyperbole? Lots of metaphors and alliterations, too. Man, I love an amazing alliteration. …see what I did there? Hehehe.)

I guess that’s about it for today! I worked today for a little, but I’m off again tomorrow. I love how much free time I’ve had this month, it’s been a much-needed break from work honestly. That place can get so toxic, especially with the fact that there’s not too much business going on so all anyone has to do there is just talk and talk and talk. And the topics of conversation usually involve other people so… yeah. It’s not that great of an environment to be in on a constant basis. I’m truly thankful for these days off. 

I do have to drop by for a bit to hand in some paperwork, but aside from that I’m a free agent! Maybe I can go somewhere else and get some work done on my book, spend some time on my own? I haven’t done that in a while, so it would be nice. 

Until tomorrow then!

Love always and in all the ways, 

Me.

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