Day 38 – February 7th, 2020

Hellooooo. I’m currently just on my break, and I figured I may as well type out a quick log before I head back, seeing as I’m heading to Adrian’s after my shift and I probably won’t get a moment to write. 

I’m sitting here with all these thoughts running around in my head, so I may as well just type them out and see what happens. 

Bleh. I hate the pressure of this job. I mean like, there isn’t really pressure per se. It’s just… Maria, really. I know she means well and outside of the job, she’s actually a pretty cool person and really funny. It’s just that she internalizes all this pressure on herself and expends it outwards towards us. I can’t tell you how many times she’s basically implicitly threatened my job security when emphasizing that I need to be better at sales. 

And again, I know she means well for the most part and always looks out for me and it’s her job to say these things. About 99% of the time, I can handle it pretty well and I usually have a pretty good defense mechanism against it. But being the one who’s here most of the time, and having to hear it a majority of the time as a result… that 1% can get a little tiresome sometimes. 

Le sigh. 

I guess there isn’t any job that exists (on this level) that doesn’t come with some kind of pressure. And it’s not unbearable too, like I don’t go home stressing about how many sales I made or anything (most of the time). Like it’s tolerable pressure for the most part. 

At the end of the day, this is just a means to an end for now. It’s not like I’m going to be here forever, and this isn’t my life. I just need to keep things in perspective and keep reminding myself to let it go, and not take things personally. If I’m truly doing my best and my best is good enough to me, then that’s all that really matters. In times like these where the retail market is sharply declining due to outside factors and the rise of online shopping, there’s only so much that can be done. 

I wish my job only consisted of my other roles; the scheduling, payroll, the organizational admin work that I’m pretty good at. But, it is what it is. I’m lucky to have this job and get paid what I get paid. 

The pros still outweigh the cons. Even if I am settling to some degree, I’m settling for a greater good knowing that this isn’t my end result. There’s bigger and better things on my horizon, and I’m going to make damn well sure of that. 

Nice little vent log, hehe. Anyways, I should probably get back to work, bleh. (Hehe). 

Love always and in every way, 

Me.

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