Day 63 – March 3rd, 2020

Hello, hello! Today has gotten off to a pretty great start so far – I’ve printed out that last CPS I need for my petition and it’s ready to go for Thursday (which is when I intend to drop it off), I edited the introduction of my book briefly, and now here I am ready to write this log. 

So, Radha and I had this really amazing conversation just now and I want to write down the parts the resonated with me first because she was channelling some really important truths that I needed to remember today. 

First – whenever I’m feeling low or sad or bad about something, the trick, the most important thing I can do in that moment, is pick another feeling. It’s just like Gabrielle Bernstein’s “choose again” method – it doesn’t matter what thought it is or what it entails, just so long as it makes you feel good. That’s how you reinforce a consistent alignment with positive feelings. It’s learning to constantly and habitually choose a happier thought which leads to a happy feeling. 

Second – it’s okay to sit with those feelings and feel them through just so long as my brain isn’t deciding to feed them into something more and a state of being that is wholly unnecessary to me. That’s where the “choose again” method is most important. I can’t keep trying to reinforce my faith and belief if somewhere in the back of my mind, I’m sad and afraid. I have to be honest with myself, and THEN choose again. 

Third – the reason that my life was AMAZING in 2017 and 2018 is because I was in complete alignment with myself through acting on my life force, but most importantly, knowing when to act. I just did this life chart test, and it revealed to me some patterns that absolutely make sense. Life made most sense to me when I was living from a place of patience and excited anticipation, not when I was trying to force things or resist. I have to surrender. I have to let go of “control” and trust that being in alignment will allow me to know exactly when and how I’m meant to act. 

Especially so I don’t engage in any kind of activity that will only deplete my energy reserves; I’m understanding that by allowing myself to wait and listen, that when I do act, it’ll be because my higher self knows it’s time and I’m acting in accordance with my purpose. I can’t stress enough to myself how important it is to allow myself to go with the flow and not force things. I truly have to surrender, in order to know when to act. 

I have to wait. I have to wait. I’ll know when I know. I trust that I’ll know when I know. 

I would now like to focus on making a list of things that make me happy, some “mood-shifters” that I can implement: 

  • Travelling. While I may not rationally be able to jump on a plane every time I feel the urge to, perhaps what I can do is make a vision board of all my travels to look at when I need, or start putting together some dream destinations that will generate good feelings. Even looking at old pictures of the things I’ve done and feeling the feelings those experiences made me feel at the time is a good mood-shifter. 
  • Painting. All week, I kept looking at my paintings and thinking about how badly I want to have some canvases so I could paint, and now I know it’s because of how easily I get in my flow when I’m painting. It brings about this wonderful stillness and makes me happy. 
  • Movement. My body is asking me to listen to it. It wants to come out of hibernation, it wants to move and thrive and live and run. Either I start working out again, or I do zumba at home at least 3 times a week. How can I listen to my innermost self through my body if my body is sluggish and lethargic? Spring is just around the corner and it’s about time I get active again. 
  • Laughter. I need to do more things that make me laugh! Light-hearted comedy movies or going to an actual show or hanging out with my friends, I need more laughter and light in my life. 
  • Writing. My writing is my safe space, and it’s my easiest go-to method of bringing myself back into alignment. I don’t want to treat it like a chore because it really isn’t. Maybe what I can do is start writing affirmations down on my board every morning because that’s a little way to bring about a baseline of good feeling for my days. 
  • Food. This one is a little tricky because sometimes food can be abused (junk food, comfort eating etc.) but I truly do love food as an experience. Maybe I can use this particular experience to learn dedication in a good way – like little treats here and there to reaffirm good feelings rather than giving in every moment and losing appreciation for this sensation. 
  • Crystals, Incense, my spiritual stuff. I love, love my crystal collection. If I make a point to pick a different crystal every day and see what communicates with me, maybe I can make better use of the ones that I have. I know they’re in my life for a reason. 
  • Self-care. A long hot bath after a long day or a little pampering goes a long way with me. I love relaxing and taking time to myself and it’s been so long since I did those little things for me.
  • Reading!!!! Of course! How can I forget the one thing that helped me out so much throughout the year of 2017!? I need to find more feel-good reaffirming books that help me along my way. There’s nothing I love more than educating myself and learning and expanding my mind, and reading is a wonderful way to do that. 

 

There you have it. A list of things that make me truly, genuinely and wonderfully happy. And then there are things that I don’t “do” per se, but appreciate, such as: a beautiful sunset/sunrise, feeling the sand between my toes, cuddling my cat, smelling flowers or the rain in the air. Those are all wonderful mood-shifters too. 

It’s time to stop entertaining anything less than what I want and start dedicating myself to me again. I’m so determined to be the best employee I can be to Maria and the best coordinator I can be to my team – why shouldn’t I be trying to be the best me I can be for me!?!?!?! 

Dedication – not discipline. While I understand discipline is important, dedication is a much more positive word for what discipline truly is. I want to be dedicated to myself. It’s about time I get back to that. I have to take care of me, too. I think lately I’ve been having a time saying “no” to others and “yes” to myself, because I’m forgetting what I need and want. But there’s absolutely nothing wrong with saying “no” sometimes in order to do things for me. My relationships and everything external to myself will flourish as a result of me putting in work for me

Maybe when I hang out with Adrian, I can practice “dedication” by taking a moment to myself to write if need be. Or remembering to meditate instead of falling asleep to a show. That’s how I can show dedication to myself. 

And I can show dedication to myself by prioritizing work less and make it work for me instead. Make it work according to my wants and needs and how I want my life to look. It’s no coincidence I was given complete responsibility over the schedule. I have the ability to schedule my life the way I want it to be and give myself however much time I’d like. It’s time to start consciously using this power. 

Alright! I’m feeling good. I want to be feeling good and mindful about feeling good and open and honest with myself. I know what works for me and what doesn’t. I know it’s important to truly surrender and stop resisting and stop trying to control things. 

I don’t want to focus too much on anything that brings about a lower vibe anymore. It’s time for an auric cleanse. 

That being said, I’m looking forward to this month! Plenty of opportunities for me to both be and home and work on my book, and also get out and enjoy the company of the ones I love the most. I’m looking forward to the magic of March, oh so very much. 

Do I want to talk about anything else? 

Dedication, me. Dedication. You can do this. You LOVE you! Please don’t lose sight of that or forget what that means to you! It’s time to start taking yourself out for dates again, having your luxurious bubble baths, doing your face masks, painting or drawing, enjoying your time spent with yourself, truly! It’s time. 

Love you, so, so, so much, and love always, 

Me.

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