Day 75 – March 15th, 2020

Hello, hello! I’m here and I’m writing, which is great. I actually have some stuff I’d like to talk to myself about today! 

Okay so a little background before I get into it – this whole pandemic thing is creating quite the divide between people. It’s becoming more and more evident that there are certain groups of people who hold particular significant opinions over what’s happening. There are those who are aware of what’s happening, choose to stay as informed as possible, and are rising to the occasion by social distancing, being cautious, and staying home as to not infect themselves or anyone else. There are those who are overwhelmed by the influx of information and negativity that is being constantly circulated on the news and who are choosing to not remain informed as a means of protecting themselves. And then, there are those who are very aware of what’s happening, but are openly claiming that this is, and I quote, “not a big deal”, “just the flu”, and that “everyone is overreacting”. These people are continuing to live their lives, go out as they please, and do what they want… at the risk of infecting EVERYONE. 

Now more than ever, I need to reiterate to myself how important it is that I know, understand, and abide by the fact that I cannot control anything or anyone outside of myself. I cannot dictate or influence how anyone is going to react to this, how they’re going to perceive this, or how they are intending to act accordingly. Now more than ever it is important for me to focus on maintaining my own inner peace by knowing that I myself personally am choosing to remain informed, do what I can for myself and others, and do my best to minimize the risk of continuous transmission. 

I respect those who are choosing to tune out, who are closing their energies to this and choosing not to entertain it. In my mind, I assume that these people know that they WILL let fear get the best of them, and rather than allowing that to happen, they’re receving information on a need-to-know basis and that’s that. I know that this group of people may be choosing the “ignorance is bliss” method for the most part, but again, I can’t control that, and even though I truly believe that everyone needs to be prepared, it’s not up to me to be informing people against their will. Fear is very, very powerful. Fear of fear is even worse. Right now, it is going to be significantly difficult for people to separate negativity from the information we are receiving and view things objectively. Death is not objective to many – it is personal, painful, fearsome and unfathomable. The same goes for illness. That’s why I get why alot of people are choosing to unplug. I don’t want to encourage fear or incite panic. But I do want to encourage oneness, strength, resiliency and positivity. 

It’s just interesting to me. To me, being informed gives me the means of understanding how I can be of service better. How I can help to stop this spread, “flatten the curve” as they say. I guess choosing to unplug is a form of self-love somehow – maybe one can still send light and love into the universe and do their part without having to know what exactly is going on but know of it, I suppose. It’s enough to just be at home and stay away from everyone, at this point. In fact, that’s exactly what needs to be done here. So if there are people out there who don’t need to or don’t want to know the gory details but are still doing their part to help, that’s enough. That’s more than enough. I can vibe with that. It’s not for me, but I get it. 

What bothered me the most in this case was the third scenario; the people who have their heads buried so far in the sand that they’re blatantly flaunting their denial and spreading their ignorance, and potentially this virus. There does seem to be less and less of these people as the seriousness of this virus becomes more and more evident. But man, at first, I was ready to fight everyone and anyone who told me “the flu is worse”, LMAO. 

But, yet again – here is another opportunity for me to further live out the lesson that I can only act and react within myself. I can’t control anything outside of myself. I have to understand that it is enough for me to be doing what I can. One way or another, it has to be enough. Because I know there are more people like me out there too who are doing what they can to spread love, faith, hope and positivity out into this world while still making the choice to imbibe all of this information with no connotations to it aside from simply being information, and using it to make informed, conscious and compassionate decisions. 

Don’t get me wrong – this is all very sad, very scary, and very heart-breaking. The suffering is paramount, especially in countries that are severely effected by this. This goes without saying. The news we are receiving daily is horrendous and life itself has gone into limbo as a result of this pandemic. We are at a standstill, and yet we are being called to act in one way or another. 

What I’m saying is, I am actively and consciously choosing to understand the severity of this situation, and by understanding it, I am able to make informed, considerate, and proactive decisions as a result. I am choosing to see the sadness, see the pain, and rather than making it my own and taking on its energy, I’m choosing to rise to the occasion and use this as an opportunity to revisit my levels of strength, resiliency and compassion. I am choosing to empathize with those who are effected, but I am not choosing to bring on a fear-narrative or state of worry about the circumstances that are now clearly out of my control. 

This is life. Life is this big, beautiful, complex, devastating, ever-changing, paradoxical yet simple in its truth, crazy and uncontrollable thing. I am surrendering to this experience. I am surrendering to this chaos without making it my own

It’s time to be strong. It’s time to have faith unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. I’m excited for this test of faith and patience because I am ready to grow and learn more about myself and this world more than I ever have. It’s time to use the gifts that I have been given for the better – my compassion, my kindness and my strength will be needed now. Not just by me, but by many. It’s time to rise up as a collective and do my part within it. We will undoubtedly get through this, we absolutely will. Humanity is a collection of rising and falling, death and rebirth. That is what we are. The sooner we accept this, the sooner we can do what we can to rise and be reborn once more. 

I read this quote recently: “change is never painful, only your resistance to change is painful.” And that’s why I’m adopting this mindset of surrender. I am not going to try and resist what is happening, or resist the discomfort of uncertainty and the lack of control I now have been faced with. I very well could lose all my hours, and I still don’t know if I’m eligble for EI. But I’ve surrendered to this, because I know ultimately that no matter what happens, it’s for the highest good of the collective, and that I as an individual will absolutely be okay one way or another. I am taking care of me, and the Universe is taking care of me in turn. My faith will carry me through this experience. 

What I can do maybe, is choose to unplug just enough from time to time in order to give myself some brief respite. I’ve always believed in the middle way, and I know that I will find the middle way and the path of least resistance when it comes to this, too. And in the meanwhile, I plan to be as proactive as I can be on whatever level is available to me – I will educate myself as objectively as I can, share my wealth of knowledge with those who are open-minded and willing to learn in order to stave off transmission and flatten this curve, and I will practice social distancing, conscious hygiene, and help those in need wherever and however I can. I will practice self-soothing techniques in order to maintain the frequency of my vibration, practice mindfulness in order to be aware of what I am taking on in terms of energy and narrative, and continue to actively choose faith over fear every day and in every one of my thoughts and decisions. I will not fear-monger, I will not incite panic, and I will not spread messages of chaos and lack. 

This was a great log! Self-awareness has never been more important, LOL. 

Also – as things settle or when they do, as we head into some form of quarantine or lockdown, I plan on creating a quarantine schedule to keep myself busy and give myself some semblance of productivity and normalcy as the days begin to pass. I intend to bring on some time for painting, writing logs, writing my book, youtube zumba classes, work out, reading, and spending time with my loved ones. 

Everything is going to be just fine and we’re going to make it through this together. I know it in my heart and soul. In the meanwhile, I will let life be what it has become while doing my part to ensure that it will return to what we once knew, just a little different for the wear. 

Until tomorrow,

Love and light always, 

Me.

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