Day 76 + 77 – March 16 & 17, 2020

Boy oh boy has it ever been an eventful couple of days. Ontario declared a state of emergency today, Canada locked down their borders to every country except the US, Caribbean and Mexico, our cases are jumping, our restaurants, bars and most public places have been shut down, most stores are closing down one by one in the mall, the panic buying has been all too real, and- oh yeah, right, I’ve been laid off indefinitely from work, LMAO. 

It was pretty hard to process at first, even though I knew it was coming. In fact, as of today, the entire store has been shut down and is closed for business. So everyone I know is basically out of work and will most likely have to apply for EI. This. Is. Crazy. 

I’m still not worried though. I’m sure the EI process will take some time but I’m hoping once it’s all sorted out, I’ll have money coming soon. And since I’ll be home 99% of the time minus when I go over to Adrian’s, it’s not like I’ll be spending any money anyways. Well, I wanted the opportunity to save and now I have it. Heh. 

It’s so strange, because this is what I wanted. I wanted to be home. But I’m still trying to adjust to it. Imagine getting everything you could have ever wanted within the blink of an eye. I’ll be able to stay home, with access to food, no serious bills to pay aside from my phone and credit card, access to the internet, and getting paid by the government. This is paradise, LOL. I’m more than happy to stay home and do my part by socially distancing myself and self-isolating. But it’s like… being on a diet, and then suddenly being told you can eat all the cake and sugary snacks you’ve ever wanted. 

I have to ease into it, slowly. This much freedom and abundance of time has to be used mindfully and carefully. Too much of a good thing can easily become a bad thing if abused or taken for granted. So when I’m in the right headspace for it, I’ll sit down and work on my quarantine schedule. For now, I’m sort of just going with the flow. Today’s essentially my first official day of “lockdown” or “quarantine”, I suppose. A new “Day 1”, LMAO. 

What will my Day 1 consist of? Well, so far, I slept in, made some noodles for me and Olivia (mi goreng instant noodles are legit the best in the world), we watched some news because Trudeau held a press conference, and now here I am writing this log. I think after I’m done this, Olivia and I are going to do some karaoke, and then when my dad comes home he’s making lamb and I’m going to make some mashed potatoes. 

This is our life now! Just got to get used to it, adapt and move through it accordingly. 

I have to make sure I’m also doing my best to take care of myself. It feels so good to be of service to others however and whenever I can be, but if I don’t make those exact same efforts towards and for myself, I won’t have enough to give others either. But I must say, I think I’m doing quite well for myself! I’m meditating more consistently, listening to my positive affirmations, breathing more consciously, and soon I’m going to bring on my painting, working out and working on my book. I’m writing to myself in my logs as openly and honestly as I can be, and doing my best to be mindful of my thoughts and emotions. 

It feels like my fearless alter ego self is back. I can feel her coursing through my veins, calm and strong as you please, ready for anything. I love that she can rise to the occasion, ready to help both myself and others, and do whatever she can out of love and compassion. Bravery truly is also rooted in compassion and love, too. Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyways, but also being driven by the most golden of hearts. I’m happy. 

Anyways, I guess that’s about it for today! I’m going to go do some karaoke with Olivia, and sing my heart out, heh.

Until next time! Sending love and light into this world as much and as often as I can, with all of my heart. 

Love and infinite light,

Me.

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