Hello! I noticed I’ve been writing less lately (probably because I’ve gone back to writing fiction stuff – yay!) but I think I’d like to return to writing my logs a little bit more frequently. I know that there isn’t alot to catch up on or write about since these days have basically been blurring into one long day, but still. I think it’s good and healthy to check-in with myself more frequently than not.
So, how have things been going? Honestly, pretty great! It’s officially been a month of lockdown at this point, and I haven’t gone stir-crazy or anything like that. In fact, I feel like I’m thriving. There’s so many creative endeavors I’ve taken on – painting, writing, and I’ve even began reading some of my old fiction books, which is something I haven’t been able to do in a while.
I’ve started a whole bunch of stuff though, so during this quarantine season, I’d like to dedicate myself to finishing one or two of the projects I’ve taken on. Like I’ve begun a painting – I’d like to see it through until the end. And I’ve started working on my novel, so I want to at least get towards the end of it, if I can.
The thing is, I wake up every day and I go with whatever flow I feel like. Some days, I just want to curl up, get high and watch a whole bunch of movies. Some days, I write two chapters of my book and then I don’t want to do anything else. Some days, I set up my paint stuff, paint for a couple days, and then I’m done with that. It’s so funny – it’s like through this whole thing, I’ve become so averse to routine of any kind LOL. The problem with that though, is that without a little bit of routine, there isn’t much consistency when it comes to the things I take on.
I guess there in itself lies a lesson though – I don’t really have any timelines for these projects right now, and maybe that’s the thing I have to come to terms with. Whenever we take something on – be it school, a project, a goal, etc., we have this idea in mind of “this needs to be done by this time”. Why? Right now, I have all the time in the world. I don’t have to rush. I don’t have due dates, or some weird framework of time that I need to get things done by.
So maybe going with my flow the way I am isn’t such a bad thing. It’s just taking some getting used to. That’s not to say that routine is terrible – there are some people out there who thrive equally as much on routine as I do in going with the flow. In fact, I appreciate routine myself. Ain’t nothing wrong with a little structure.
It’s all about the middle way when it comes down to it, eh? Finding your personal balance, whatever that may entail. For now, for me, it’s waking up every morning, refreshed as all heck, and asking myself, “what would you like to do today?”, and going with whatever feels right to me.
I feel wonderful. Some times, there are little moments I encounter where I feel gratitude bubbling up in my chest and it makes me happy that I’ve been cultivating my thankfulness into a natural reaction to my experiences these days. I couldn’t be more thankful for an abundance of reasons. All my loved ones are safe, sound and healthy. I’m healthy in all the most important ways – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. Even financially, since the CERB deposits hit my bank account, LOL. I’ve paid off my bills, and for the first time in what seems like a long time, I can actually start focusing on saving since I have very little expenses, I’m living at home, and I have no reason to spend any money.
I’m just so appreciative of all of this. This “pause” has me spending more time with my family and my self. I’m remembering how much I enjoy my own company, how settled I am with myself and how easy it is to just hang out with just me. It’s so crazy – everything I wanted to set out to do for myself this year, I am doing just that. It isn’t happening at all the way I thought it would, but it just goes to show you that sometimes what seems like the darkest times in your life have the capacity to shine a light brighter than you could have ever imagined.
Anyways, that’s about it regarding le me. We’re now going onto week 5 of quarantine with no end in sight, but that’s absolutely okay. One day at a time, and every single day that I have a roof over my head, foot to eat, my health and my family safe, is a blessing.
I guess that’s about it for this log! I’m going to go back to writing my story.
Here’s to yet another month of quarantine, or however long, and here’s to all the wonderful creative things that I get to do in the meanwhile, and here’s to being healthy, happy, and grateful.
Love always and infinite light to all,