Day 90, 91, 92 – March 30th to April 1st, 2020

Imagine how nice it’d be if the whole world came out today and was like, “APRIL FOOLS! There’s no such thing as coronavirus! HAHAH gotchaaaa-” 

But, alas. This whole year has been one big endless April Fools joke thus far. 

(Lowkey, kidding. I’ve been pretty happy, as I’ve stated before. But these jokes I’m seeing on twitter are honestly so funny about how this past month and beginning of this year has been a write-off). 

You know what I did today? I had my tea in the morning sitting out on the patio area, just enjoying the first heat of the morning sun and whatever was left of the cool night breeze. This afternoon, I smoked a couple bowls, watched some Netflix, and then literally lied down on our deck and fell asleep in the afternoon sun. 

And all throughout, I kept thinking, “hey… this is okay. I can be doing this right now. I can just… be here.” 

This whole experience has been so humbling and eye-opening and I really am so grateful for this pause, however it may have come about. I’ve finally stopped really keeping up with the news – I feel like I did my part by warning whoever I could about a month and a half-ago, and now all it really is is just waiting for the storm to crescendo and make its way out. It’s going to take a lot of time and patience, and unfortunately a lot of loss. 

This time of grief is going to be unparalleled to what we’ve ever experienced before I believe. Not only are people mourning the loss of their loved ones, we as a collective are unconsciously mourning the loss of the normalcy of our lives. I think everyone experienced or is experiencing the stages of grief without truly realizing. 

I read an amazing opinion piece regarding this, about how people went through denial to anger, then to bargaining and sadness. I think people are still making their way towards acceptance, but it’ll take some time. 

It really is surreal when you think about how quickly the normalcy of our daily lives changed – the abruptness of it all can sometimes be quite jarring. But, as a new month begins with no end in sight to the quarantine measures, it’s time to really strap in and stay in. The next 30 days will determine the course of the months to follow and whether or not we’ll be allowed out come summer. I personally don’t believe so, but here’s hoping. 

Anyways, that’s about it for today! I definitely want to write a proper log tomorrow because there’s some things I’d like to discuss with myself that are of importance. Until then! 

Deep love and light to all always, 

Me.

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