Day 94 to 99 – April 3rd to April 8th, 2020

It’s been awhile since I’ve written! I’ve been alternating days where I do absolutely nothing, and then there are days when I get super creative and I start writing endlessly or I get really engrossed in painting. It’s the days where I do nothing though, that I’m really starting to enjoy LOL. It’s just that coming to terms with that feeling has been so interesting, you know? 

This is the first time in my life where I can actually genuinely do nothing, and I don’t have to feel guilty for it. I’ve been slowly feeling my way through that learned response and recognizing it for what it is, and it feels wonderful. I’ve never experienced this level of just being present, not for a really long time. I can’t believe how much we buy into living in the future/past to the point that it feels completely normal! 

At least 90% of my thoughts on a day to day basis about 3 months ago would have been, “what’s my schedule this week? What am I doing tomorrow? What’s this weekend look like? What do I have to be doing right now, or in the next moment?” But now it’s like, “what do I feel like doing, now? What don’t I feel like doing?” And I kind of just go with that. Nothing feels wrong, or like a bad decision, ever. It’s just, going with the flow, for reals. 

Hence why I haven’t really had the urge to write to myself in a bit, especially with all of these days beginning to blur together. But, I have quite a bit to catch up on, so I may as well start typing logs again. It is a new month after all!

So, catch up log. I’m currently on a zoom-sesh meeting with the VC crew, but we’re all either gaming or doing our own thing, which is actually pretty typical to our old regular hang outs when we were allowed to sesh in person with one another. It’s nice to have a friend group like this, where we can all hang out yet do our own thing at the same time. 

I also really like these zoom meetings. It’s just like regular hangouts – I can choose which ones I’d like to attend, and then I can leave whenever I want. And even though we’re not physically altogether, it’s nice to have that “hang-out” feeling and hear people’s voices and have real conversations. It’s been really nice. I get to have my space as I need it, and I get to hangout with my friends without having to commute or leave the comfort of my house. I’m honestly so happy like this. 

Anyways, I am high as a kite right now and I shall properly catch up with myself when I am more sober, for sure, LOL. Until then! 

Love and light always,

Me.

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