Day 115 to 117 – April 24th to 26th, 2020

Okay, I have to, have to write a proper log today. One where I don’t get distracted by other things or walk off and forget to finish. Plus, there’s so much write about and talk about it! 

First off – we finally managed to make it to the cottage this past weekend! And we were super lucky to have such wonderful weather too. I was honestly a little nervous about getting up there after our last attempt, but it seemed as though this time it was meant to be. 

We spent the day out in the sun, canoeing, and I even jumped in the lake! Holy fuck it was freezing – the lake probably has just melted from being frozen, so I imagine that that’s what it feels like to “polar dip”. It was so invigorating though; the adrenaline rush that came with plunging into the icy depths of the water was unbelievable. It literally took my breath away, LOL. 

It was nice to finally get out of the city and “self-isolate” somewhere else. For this weekend, for a brief moment, it almost felt as though the pandemic wasn’t a thing. I actually kind of forgot – we stopped at Tim’s like we always do after we got out of the woods, and the drive-through line-up was ridiculous. So I suggested we go inside, only to realize a split second later that we couldn’t because they weren’t serving customers face to face anymore. Such a weird moment! We barely even mentioned it once this past weekend, I also think that’s why. Usually it’s a main topic of conversation these days. But it was refreshing to go a couple days without it. 

Anyways, that’s about it regarding this past weekend! I can’t believe how quickly this month has flown by. At the end of this week, it’ll already be May! It feels like time is passing by so fast, which is weird because we’re all at home and life is at a standstill. Funny how that works, eh? I guess time flies when you’re having fun, and I honestly have been! It’s been so nice to not have any major responsibilities. There’s like a little me in my head that cringes as I say that because there’s that hardwired part of me that knows I have responsibilities regardless but hey – when in life are we ever going to have a moment like this? 2-3 months to literally just stay home with your family, eat good food, go for walks, do whatever the hell you want, binge things for 24 hours straight, or start 3498384 projects just because you can!? 

I just want to know that I’m making the most of this time, and I genuinely think I am. I’m scared about going back to the real world after this, but that’s life and no matter what, I have the capacity to shape it into exactly what I want it to be. The trick is, I have to know exactly what I do want. What do I want my life to look like after quarantine ends? It may most likely happen during summer, or may not even happen at all until August-September. But in between now and then, I need to know what direction I’d like the course of my life to head in. 

So, as fun as it has been to just binge shows and movies, stay up late doing whatever I want, start writing and reading and painting again, I also owe it to myself to self-reflect and write more meaningfully to myself so that I can do things in preparation for what’s to come once the new normal begins and the quarantine ends. On the other hand though, I have been enjoying myself and I have been very present, so I’m happy about that either way. 

But yeah, I have all this restless energy now! It’s like, I have all this motivation and it’s all scattered everywhere (that’s the ADHD in me I suppose, LOL). Hence why I always start stuff and have these bursts of energy but I get bored easily and start something else. Ah, the novelty effect. I was on my medication for a little, but it was way too strong for just sitting at home. I guess I could try again and see how it goes! Like, I want to finish my painting, or I want to spend a week actually dedicated to writing my story. And I don’t want anything to be on my mental table at all (aside from mind-quieting hobbies) when I start writing my book for real. 

I think because I’ve been back and forth between Adrian’s and my place, it’s been hard for me to get a routine going. When I’m at Adrian’s, I mostly just chill in his bed and watch shows. Although, he does make space for me to paint and write too. But when I’m home, I have the freedom to roam around, set up whatever I want in my own space, or if I feel like reading I can grab a book off of my shelf. Hmm. I need to find my middle way between the two. 

Maybe what I can do is separate my projects into categories: projects I can work on properly when I’m at Adrian’s, and projects I can work on from home. I know all the things I want to do – it’s just a matter of designating the when, where and how. Sometimes those things can overlap too, but again, it’s just a matter of organization. 

For example: I can spend some time at Adrian’s writing (both personally and story-wise), since my laptop is so small and portable. He also sets up his desk for me to paint, and the window beside his bed gets plenty of light so it’s actually an ideal set-up. I just need to prepare the exact colours I know I’ll need for whatever portion of the painting I decide to work on, before I go over to his house. I can also work on my meditation, because that’s something I can do no matter where I am. 

And then when I’m home, I can do those things, but also what I can do from home is: work on organizing my petition officially so I can hand it in, pick some new books to read, clean out/organize my closet, take bubble baths, workout/learn yoga, maybe even start up my makeup instagram again! 

There are definitely things that fall into both locational categories, but again, it’s all about organizing what exactly I’d like to do, before I go to Adrian’s. That way, I get a good balance of “routine” or productivity, and then I get to wind down and spend my evenings with him after he’s done work. It’s different being home because I can easily balance out my “productive tasks” with my “leisure time”. It was a bit more difficult doing so at Adrian’s because all the time felt like leisure time LOL. But that can get tiring after a while and I’m realizing that it actually is important to have some semblance of motivation or purpose, at least some times. It keeps the cogs going, blood pumping, etc. I don’t want to become complacent, lethargic or go into autopilot mode during this time. A healthy balance is key.

It’s time to really and truly take care of myself, in all ways!! I know I’m doing well and I’m grateful for where I’m at, but now I can really focus on that maintenance. It’s like having a plant – even if it’s blooming and growing well, it’s important to prune it and get rid of dead leaves to make sure it grows even healthier! (Which reminds me, gardening is another hobby I’d like to add to the list hehe). 

Maybe I’ll even order an agenda again so I can start keeping track of my days. It’s a bit of a bummer (but also not) that April has flown by completely and I haven’t really written or finished anything that I’ve started. I’m not judging myself for it, but the inner me that’s really excited about all these things knows I can use this time more wisely and I owe it to myself (out of self-love) to do so! Dedication, not discipline. 

Anyways, I guess that’s about it for today. It’s a new week, and I’m looking forward to implementing this new plan! I’m also home tomorrow, so maybe what I can do is narrow things down and write out that category/list so I know how to prepare for everything else. Hooray for motivation and excitement! 

I still have more I’d like to write about as well. Until tomorrow then!

Love always and infinitely, 

Me.

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